Author Topic: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!  (Read 22460 times)

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Danika

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Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!
« Reply #165 on: October 20, 2013, 10:17:33 PM »
My opinion is definitely coloured by the fact that I'm one of those people who mean "Help yourself to pretty much anything you want to eat/drink" when I tell the cat sitter to "make yourself at home".

And I'm on the opposite end. To me "make yourself at home" means "sit on my couch, turn on the TV, grab a sodapop from the fridge, and use one of my cups to drink it." It would not mean "wander around my house to the basement, find the wine cellar, root through all the bottles, find some at the back, bring it upstairs, then rifle through all my kitchen drawers to find a bottle opener. Then, go to my bedroom, look through my jewelry, try on some earrings, once you're sober, grab my car keys off the rack and take my sports car out for a spin, come back, root through my closet, put on one of my comfy sweatshirts and wear my slippers, sweat in them" etc. I shouldn't have to mention "don't go to the office file cabinet. Don't find our 2012 tax returns and borrow my social security number" or anything else that seems to be too personal.

Lynn2000

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Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!
« Reply #166 on: October 21, 2013, 01:51:13 PM »
I think, instead of just saying "make yourself at home" and leaving it at that, it might be wise to be a bit more specific, since people have so many interpretations of the phrase. For example, I might say, "If you want to grab a soda or something from the fridge, feel free. Here's the powder room if you need it, and if you want to watch TV while petting the cat, you can use the one in the study, we keep the remote here." (I'm imagining someone who stops by every day for an hour or so.)

In my mind, this would set some reasonable parameters that they could extrapolate from, which would help both of us. With these instructions, there should be no reason for them to go upstairs and use the master bathroom, for example, or use any other TV in the house, or the computer. They can eat what's in the fridge, but shouldn't defrost and cook a chicken, or open the liquor cabinet. Some things might still be a little vague to them--can they use my plates and glasses? Could they read one of my books instead of watching TV?

I would rather someone erred on the side of caution, or at least gave it some thought first, and then asked me about it/mentioned it to me later--"FYI, I brought my fast food dinner in and used one of your plates so I wouldn't get crumbs everywhere. I rinsed the plate and put it in the sink afterwards. I hope that's okay." Or, "Just to let you know, Fluffy was in a weird mood today and I had to dig through the master bedroom closet to look for him. I shut the master bedroom door when I left so the cats couldn't get in there again."

I wouldn't be very comfortable with someone who used things without thought or who made assumptions about what I meant that were more on the "liberal" side. When you're at someone else's house (unless you've been there many times and are very close to them) I think you should just be more cautious and careful by default, and ease into being more relaxed with the owners' encouragement. When the owners aren't there, and you are, I think it's especially important to think about "appearing responsible," beyond actually being responsible, and to communicate clearly with the owners about what you do there.

In this case, the cat-checkers might have made a reasonable assumption about having permission to drink the OP's wine, but they weren't responsible about looking up the brand first and they didn't leave a note explaining their plan--really, how long would either thing have taken? So my thought would be, "What are they going to make an assumption about next, and leave me in the dark about?" On the other hand, the incident might indeed make the OP feel like they can now communicate more clearly about limits and feel assured that the cat-checkers had good intentions, so she might see it as a positive outcome. I think either response is reasonable.

It's kind of interesting to think about, really.
~Lynn2000

wheeitsme

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Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.”
« Reply #167 on: October 21, 2013, 05:41:36 PM »
Unexpected and Conflict-free Resolution!

Husband came home today, bearing wine. One bottle of Opus One and two other decent bottles.

Apparently Friend and GF decided to drink the wine, figuring they would just buy us replacements. They apparently had quite a bit of sticker-shock when it came to the Opus One.

DH said Friend said they figured the wine would be okay to drink since:
1. It was from California (Apparently they thought only French wines were really expensive/good)
2. The label indicated it was a blend. The label says "A Napa Valley Red Wine." I guess they figured an expensive wine would be labeled as a Pinot or Cabernet or whatever.

So basically all is resolved. The wine they gave was a 2009, not a 2007, but we decided not to quibble. (My husband's whole opinion on the matter was "See, I told you we should have drank it when we got it." He wanted to open it right away, rather than save it for sometime special.)

So, all's well that ends well, I guess  :)

Oh, I am so glad to hear this!

I just saw this thread.  This last year we were able to go by the winery and we purchased our "once in a lifetime" bottle.  Apparently, the ones they are selling this year are from a very good vintage.  Expensively so.  We have it put away in a cool place for the next 10 years.

I feel bad for their sticker shock, but it sounds like a very good resolution. 

mlogica

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Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!
« Reply #168 on: October 22, 2013, 09:51:25 AM »
My opinion is definitely coloured by the fact that I'm one of those people who mean "Help yourself to pretty much anything you want to eat/drink" when I tell the cat sitter to "make yourself at home".

And I'm on the opposite end. To me "make yourself at home" means "sit on my couch, turn on the TV, grab a sodapop from the fridge, and use one of my cups to drink it." It would not mean "wander around my house to the basement, find the wine cellar, root through all the bottles, find some at the back, bring it upstairs, then rifle through all my kitchen drawers to find a bottle opener. Then, go to my bedroom, look through my jewelry, try on some earrings, once you're sober, grab my car keys off the rack and take my sports car out for a spin, come back, root through my closet, put on one of my comfy sweatshirts and wear my slippers, sweat in them" etc. I shouldn't have to mention "don't go to the office file cabinet. Don't find our 2012 tax returns and borrow my social security number" or anything else that seems to be too personal.

Um...I don't really understand why you've included the bolded text.  Nowhere in my post do I say any of that would be okay, and I don't recall anywhere in this thread that anyone else has said that would be okay.  The original post was regarding guests who drank several bottles of wine, including one very expensive one.  Not anything about jewellery, using the car, etc.

MissRose

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Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!
« Reply #169 on: October 22, 2013, 01:47:51 PM »
I would never help myself to someone else's food & drink unless they gave permission ahead of time.  Then again, I would not be tempted to touch alcohol anyways especially if I was driving to or from someone's house.

Yvaine

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Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!
« Reply #170 on: October 22, 2013, 02:27:24 PM »
I would never help myself to someone else's food & drink unless they gave permission ahead of time.  Then again, I would not be tempted to touch alcohol anyways especially if I was driving to or from someone's house.

The OP says they were granted permission to stay the night, which in my experience is common in house/petsitting arrangements, so I don't see how it's necessary to imply they were driving drunk.

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!
« Reply #171 on: October 22, 2013, 02:56:22 PM »
For some reason, and I can't figure out why exactly, drinking someone else's alcohol feels weird to me. Again, no real reason, but I'd never think to crack open a bottle of wine (good, bad, or otherwise) when in someone else's house. A can of soda? Sure, no problem. But probably not even like a beer in the fridge. In less they said something like "We picked up your favorite beer, it's in the fridge for you", then maybe. But in general, I'm not sure why it strikes me as an odd thing to do, it just does.

jmarvellous

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Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!
« Reply #172 on: October 22, 2013, 03:06:31 PM »
Speaking for myself alone, I think I see wine as different from pop for a couple of reasons: pop is ubiquitous--Coke might be my idea of a special treat, but it's not exactly expensive or hard to replace (on this note, I'd probably be more hesitant to drink an unusual/imported juice or canned drink) whereas wine is often more carefully chosen, and drinking wine at someone else's house when they're not around feels a little "high school" -- not that I drank in HS, but it reminds me of kids sneaking into their parents' liquor cabinet or something.

Not exactly rational responses, but that's my thinking, anyway.  (I've never come across this issue because I've never house-sat in adulthood, and the one and only time we had people caring for our cat we left wine out with a gift card in the bag as a "thank you" ahead of time.)

Outdoor Girl

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Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!
« Reply #173 on: October 22, 2013, 03:24:22 PM »
I have told my cat sitter to 'help herself to anything on the wine rack'.  But then, I make my own wine at a brew your own place so the most expensive bottle on the rack was probably less than $5.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

ettiquit

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Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!
« Reply #174 on: October 22, 2013, 05:06:21 PM »
For some reason, and I can't figure out why exactly, drinking someone else's alcohol feels weird to me. Again, no real reason, but I'd never think to crack open a bottle of wine (good, bad, or otherwise) when in someone else's house. A can of soda? Sure, no problem. But probably not even like a beer in the fridge. In less they said something like "We picked up your favorite beer, it's in the fridge for you", then maybe. But in general, I'm not sure why it strikes me as an odd thing to do, it just does.

I'm the same way. Unless the homeowner specifically says "help yourself to wine, beer, etc" and I'm staying the night, I'd just bring my own. It also depends on who it is though - I'd be more comfortable raiding the liquor cabinet at my brothers house, because I'd know it was fine.

And thanks to this thread, my DH is picking up some wine (cheap) on his way home tonight.

Danika

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Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!
« Reply #175 on: October 23, 2013, 02:32:46 AM »
My opinion is definitely coloured by the fact that I'm one of those people who mean "Help yourself to pretty much anything you want to eat/drink" when I tell the cat sitter to "make yourself at home".

And I'm on the opposite end. To me "make yourself at home" means "sit on my couch, turn on the TV, grab a sodapop from the fridge, and use one of my cups to drink it." It would not mean "wander around my house to the basement, find the wine cellar, root through all the bottles, find some at the back, bring it upstairs, then rifle through all my kitchen drawers to find a bottle opener. Then, go to my bedroom, look through my jewelry, try on some earrings, once you're sober, grab my car keys off the rack and take my sports car out for a spin, come back, root through my closet, put on one of my comfy sweatshirts and wear my slippers, sweat in them" etc. I shouldn't have to mention "don't go to the office file cabinet. Don't find our 2012 tax returns and borrow my social security number" or anything else that seems to be too personal.

Um...I don't really understand why you've included the bolded text.  Nowhere in my post do I say any of that would be okay, and I don't recall anywhere in this thread that anyone else has said that would be okay.  The original post was regarding guests who drank several bottles of wine, including one very expensive one.  Not anything about jewellery, using the car, etc.

I didn't say that you did mention jewelry or using the car. I was using those as examples to show how *I* would feel about someone cat-sitting drinking my wine. I would feel it was as egregious as those other things that I added - jewelry or car. I probably shouldn't have quoted your post before I replied.

It's fine that you asked me to clarify my post, and I'm sorry if I was unclear, but I don't appreciate that you started it with "Um." It sounds a little condescending, to me. Maybe that wasn't your intent. It's hard to read tone over the computer.

I included the bolded because to me, doing any of the things I mentioned seem to me to not fall under the category of "help yourself. Feel at home." What I mean is, that if I tell someone "feel at home" I do not mean that they can drive my cars or touch my jewelry. And I also do not mean that they can wander around my house and rifle through my liquor. So when the OP said her friends drank her wine, that seemed wrong to me. That just because she said "feel at home" they should not have assumed that drinking her wine was ok any more than driving her car or wearing her jewelry. I was saying that in my opinion of "make yourselves at home" I would not expect people to wander around my house just to find my liquor. My liquor/wine/beer is not in the fridge in the kitchen. I don't know where OP's is. But a person would have to be wandering on other floors of my house, opening doors, turning on lights, and opening other cabinets to find my wine. To me, that's very intrusive and does not fall under the "make yourselves at home" heading.

Before I posted, I was reading this thread and realizing that many people do not feel the way I do. I wanted to post just to say that whether I'm in the minority or majority, I do not feel that drinking people's wine is included in "make yourselves at home." And that I think it's as inappropriate as trying on people's jewelry or driving their cars.
« Last Edit: October 23, 2013, 02:48:07 AM by Danika »

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!
« Reply #176 on: October 23, 2013, 04:12:29 AM »
Wow.  Reading about these wine prices reminds me why I'm sitting here drinking a vintage 2013 Coca-Cola, with notes of vanilla and high-fructose corn syrup.
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mlogica

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Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!
« Reply #177 on: October 23, 2013, 06:06:48 AM »
My opinion is definitely coloured by the fact that I'm one of those people who mean "Help yourself to pretty much anything you want to eat/drink" when I tell the cat sitter to "make yourself at home".

And I'm on the opposite end. To me "make yourself at home" means "sit on my couch, turn on the TV, grab a sodapop from the fridge, and use one of my cups to drink it." It would not mean "wander around my house to the basement, find the wine cellar, root through all the bottles, find some at the back, bring it upstairs, then rifle through all my kitchen drawers to find a bottle opener. Then, go to my bedroom, look through my jewelry, try on some earrings, once you're sober, grab my car keys off the rack and take my sports car out for a spin, come back, root through my closet, put on one of my comfy sweatshirts and wear my slippers, sweat in them" etc. I shouldn't have to mention "don't go to the office file cabinet. Don't find our 2012 tax returns and borrow my social security number" or anything else that seems to be too personal.

Um...I don't really understand why you've included the bolded text.  Nowhere in my post do I say any of that would be okay, and I don't recall anywhere in this thread that anyone else has said that would be okay.  The original post was regarding guests who drank several bottles of wine, including one very expensive one.  Not anything about jewellery, using the car, etc.

I didn't say that you did mention jewelry or using the car. I was using those as examples to show how *I* would feel about someone cat-sitting drinking my wine. I would feel it was as egregious as those other things that I added - jewelry or car. I probably shouldn't have quoted your post before I replied.

It's fine that you asked me to clarify my post, and I'm sorry if I was unclear, but I don't appreciate that you started it with "Um." It sounds a little condescending, to me. Maybe that wasn't your intent. It's hard to read tone over the computer.

Thanks for the explanation; I appreciate it.  And I'm sorry if "um" seemed condescending - that was not at all my intention.  Tone is definitely hard to convey over the computer.  I was just confused how my specific comment connected to your other examples.

lowspark

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Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!
« Reply #178 on: October 23, 2013, 08:33:40 AM »
Wow.  Reading about these wine prices reminds me why I'm sitting here drinking a vintage 2013 Coca-Cola, with notes of vanilla and high-fructose corn syrup.

Oh you can get some pretty good wine for some pretty cheap prices. I almost never spend over $10 for a bottle and ~$6 bottles are not only plentiful but usually pretty good. I'm not much of a wine snob and I have opened a few bottles that were not so great, but for then again I might say the same thing if I averaged $30 or $50 a bottle.

Funny thing is, I don't drink coke. (And by coke, I mean carbonated beverages.) The only time I buy coke is when I'm having a party and I always feel it's overpriced.  ;D

Diane AKA Traska

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Re: How to say, “You already got your payment/thank you.” Updt #103!
« Reply #179 on: October 23, 2013, 09:30:03 AM »
Wow.  Reading about these wine prices reminds me why I'm sitting here drinking a vintage 2013 Coca-Cola, with notes of vanilla and high-fructose corn syrup.

Oh you can get some pretty good wine for some pretty cheap prices. I almost never spend over $10 for a bottle and ~$6 bottles are not only plentiful but usually pretty good. I'm not much of a wine snob and I have opened a few bottles that were not so great, but for then again I might say the same thing if I averaged $30 or $50 a bottle.

Funny thing is, I don't drink coke. (And by coke, I mean carbonated beverages.) The only time I buy coke is when I'm having a party and I always feel it's overpriced.  ;D

Well, there's also the fact that alcohol tastes like floor cleaner to me... but mostly, I wanted to sound like a Vanilla Coke snob.  ;D
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