Etiquette School is in session! > "I'm afraid that won't be possible."

Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?

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MrsJWine:
Yes, I actually think being direct with her is good. I think passive aggressive people count on you not responding directly, and that's why they're passive aggressive. They're avoiding real confrontation. In my experience, they HATE it when you respond, and it generally shuts them up (or, at least it does more often than just ignoring it does).

LEMon:
Reading through your replies, this woman doesn't "need" this.  She "wants" it, but not at her own cost or work, at yours.  I would even allow myself to become indignant at her.  She is using guilt and more pressure, then punishes you when you refuse by making you three hours late.  She's like a child who wants and demands, but has nothing really to force this to happen.

Shine up your spine, and ignore.

Runningstar:

--- Quote from: LEMon on October 29, 2013, 01:38:13 AM ---Reading through your replies, this woman doesn't "need" this.  She "wants" it, but not at her own cost or work, at yours.  I would even allow myself to become indignant at her.  She is using guilt and more pressure, then punishes you when you refuse by making you three hours late.  She's like a child who wants and demands, but has nothing really to force this to happen.

Shine up your spine, and ignore.

--- End quote ---
I've seen her a few times since this (at meetings for the kid's group) and she seems to have gotten the message.  I so agree with you and if it comes up again - I'm going to directly say no - and walk away.  The punishment (3 hours late) will NEVER happen again as I now know how she operates.  There has already been
some offers from her to share some equipment and I've plainly stated that we will buy our own thank you or do without.  It sounds like such a nice offer - but
I've seen where it will get me and I'm just not falling for it. 

StoutGirl:
This is one of the reasons why I don't share my sewing talents anymore.  I have never had anyone get nasty with me, but people don't realize that it takes a lot of time and energy to sew, and it comes with a cost.

Being in school right now, I am lucky to get a few stitches done one day a month for myself, and people wanting me to do a project for them?  Ain't nobody got time for that!

OP, it is absolutely fine for you to want to keep your talent to yourself, daughter, and close family and friends that know, appreciate, and deserve your gifts of talent.  Do not give into this woman!  Drive separate from her and find other parents to hang out with at the club events.

Kaypeep:
OP, I know it will be hard but I think it's worth it for you to practice saying no.  Practice with your partner or a trusted friend.  Role play what's going on here, and practice saying no, and walking away so that she can't trap you into more pleading.  Specifically, I think you should practice telling her, "Listen PA Mom, I need to tell you something.  I would like for you to stop asking me to do the sewing favor for you.  The answer remains the same, "no."  Also, more importantly, please stop having your daughter ask me the same favor.  The answer is the same, but more importantly, it's extremely uncomfortable for HER, me, and my daughter, when she asks for something that you and I have already discussed and the answer remains no.  I would appreciate it if you could respect my answer and consider this topic closed.  Thank you." 

If you can't talk to her, then maybe text her instead.  I think it's the only way you'll shut her down, plus it's a great feeling when you get used to telling people no, and makes it easier for the next time.

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