Author Topic: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?  (Read 9771 times)

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EllenS

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #15 on: October 15, 2013, 12:59:04 PM »
She can't "afford" the costume?  You can't afford to work for free. You also can't afford the stress and aggravation of dealing with her.

"I've told you, that will not be possible."  Change the subject, or avoid her.  If she is making comments around/near but not to you, just ignore her. That is silly childish behavior that does not deserve a response.


Runningstar

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #16 on: October 15, 2013, 01:03:14 PM »
Thanks for the replies!!  She not only asked several times, then had her daughter ask another few times.  We had all driven to the event together, and she knew
that I needed to be home (we were hours away) by 6 pm.  So, at 5:30 she finally gave up on getting me to sew the costume and bought a shirt for $25 that she then said loudly that she would have to try to find someone to modify and glitz up for her.  I ignored it, and ignored the anger during the 3 hour ride home.
It seemed to me that she deliberately made sure that I'd be late getting home, but had the excuse that the show her daughter will be in is next week and so she had no choice.  She drove, I paid for the hotel, and figured that the cost was about even - but she had the control to decide when to leave even though we had previously agreed on no later than 3 pm.

I have been reading e-hell for a while now and so just remained silent, but it is hard for me!  I want to jade!  I want to give my excuses!!
After reading the responses, I think I'll just remain silent, and avoid future situations where I'll be at her mercy again.

cwm

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #17 on: October 15, 2013, 01:07:36 PM »
The problem with giving excuses is you're giving people things to overcome. For example,

You: Well it takes so many hours to work on it.
Her: You don't work weekends, do you? You've got time then.
You: But the materials you're wanting are very pricy.
Her: I've seen some of the other things you've made, you've got to have some fabric somewhere you can use.
You: I can't do this because I need to have someone watch my child.
Her: Oh, I can do that for you.

The more excuses you give, the more objections she has to overcome, but it makes it sound like you're willing to do it except for this one tiny thing. In reality, you're not willing to do it, so don't even make it sound like you are.

EllenS

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #18 on: October 15, 2013, 01:08:08 PM »
avoid future situations where I'll be at her mercy again.

This is key. What a horribly awkward situation.  Definitely avoid this person at all costs. I'm so sorry you had to put up with that foolishness.

Zilla

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #19 on: October 15, 2013, 01:10:21 PM »
Thanks for the replies!!  She not only asked several times, then had her daughter ask another few times.  We had all driven to the event together, and she knew
that I needed to be home (we were hours away) by 6 pm.  So, at 5:30 she finally gave up on getting me to sew the costume and bought a shirt for $25 that she then said loudly that she would have to try to find someone to modify and glitz up for her.  I ignored it, and ignored the anger during the 3 hour ride home.
It seemed to me that she deliberately made sure that I'd be late getting home, but had the excuse that the show her daughter will be in is next week and so she had no choice.  She drove, I paid for the hotel, and figured that the cost was about even - but she had the control to decide when to leave even though we had previously agreed on no later than 3 pm.

I have been reading e-hell for a while now and so just remained silent, but it is hard for me!  I want to jade!  I want to give my excuses!!
After reading the responses, I think I'll just remain silent, and avoid future situations where I'll be at her mercy again.


The more you are silent, the angrier she gets as apparent in your update.  I would directly tell her and nip it in the bud.  And I agree wholeheartedly, avoid going "in" with her on future shows.  If she asks why not, just say you made other arrangements.  No need to be exposed to that.

BeagleMommy

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #20 on: October 15, 2013, 03:20:29 PM »
I would avoid getting in a car with this woman ever again.  She has you trapped that way and is using it to try to beat you down so you'll relent on sewing the costume.

Just keep saying "I'm afraid it won't be possible" if she asks directly and ignore any PA comments.  The way I look at it she has three choices:

1.  Shell out the money for the ready to wear costume
2.  Pick a less expensive costume
3.  Remove her daughter from the shows if she can't afford the equipment necessary

MrTango

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #21 on: October 15, 2013, 03:41:30 PM »
Thanks for the replies!!  She not only asked several times, then had her daughter ask another few times.  We had all driven to the event together, and she knew
that I needed to be home (we were hours away) by 6 pm.  So, at 5:30 she finally gave up on getting me to sew the costume and bought a shirt for $25 that she then said loudly that she would have to try to find someone to modify and glitz up for her.  I ignored it, and ignored the anger during the 3 hour ride home.
It seemed to me that she deliberately made sure that I'd be late getting home, but had the excuse that the show her daughter will be in is next week and so she had no choice.  She drove, I paid for the hotel, and figured that the cost was about even - but she had the control to decide when to leave even though we had previously agreed on no later than 3 pm.

I have been reading e-hell for a while now and so just remained silent, but it is hard for me!  I want to jade!  I want to give my excuses!!
After reading the responses, I think I'll just remain silent, and avoid future situations where I'll be at her mercy again.

If she ever tries to pull the stunt of making you late again, when you get to the time at which you need to leave, tell her "It's [time], so I need to be leaving."  If she tries to delay you, say "I'm sorry, but as I said earlier, I need to leave by [time], which is now.  You can come with me now, but if you need more time to shop, I'm sure you can find alternative transportation."

At that point, start walking to your car.  She will either follow you or not, but that decision is entirely on her.

MariaE

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #22 on: October 15, 2013, 03:47:24 PM »
I think you misread, MrTango. OP was driving in Acquaintance's car rather than the other way around.

She drove, I paid for the hotel, and figured that the cost was about even - but she had the control to decide when to leave even though we had previously agreed on no later than 3 pm.
 
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MrTango

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #23 on: October 15, 2013, 03:51:00 PM »
I think you misread, MrTango. OP was driving in Acquaintance's car rather than the other way around.

She drove, I paid for the hotel, and figured that the cost was about even - but she had the control to decide when to leave even though we had previously agreed on no later than 3 pm.

Ahh.  In that case, I'd never agree to ride with her again.

z_squared82

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #24 on: October 15, 2013, 03:52:51 PM »
I would avoid getting in a car with this woman ever again.  She has you trapped that way and is using it to try to beat you down so you'll relent on sewing the costume.

Just keep saying "I'm afraid it won't be possible" if she asks directly and ignore any PA comments.  The way I look at it she has three choices:

1.  Shell out the money for the ready to wear costume
2.  Pick a less expensive costume
3.  Remove her daughter from the shows if she can't afford the equipment necessary

Did I miss the part where it says this costume is for the daughter and has to do with the club both daughters are in?

Not that it would change my answer, Iím just checking my reading comprehension.

Acadianna

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #25 on: October 15, 2013, 07:37:10 PM »
So - my suggestion is to tell the lady that she pays for all the material and either pays for someone to do YOUR housework, etc. while you do the work OR she does your housework herself while you sew (and it will take more than one hour of her doing the housework to barter for one hour of your time because YOU are a skilled seamstress & designer who is going to earn MORE than minimum wage for the work).  People value what they pay for and seem to think that "free" stuff is worth what they paid for it...make her PAY for it, one way or the other.

This is brilliant!

VorFemme

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #26 on: October 15, 2013, 08:10:20 PM »
I sew "free" for close family - mother, husband, son, daughter, sister, etc. - sometimes for nieces & nephews.  But I sew for them on MY time - not on demand.

Except for one annual embroidery project that I am in the middle of right now for VorGuy - and he makes sure that I have DINNER on days when I am embroidering eight, ten, or more shirts in one day.  He may do takeout, he may grill, or he may have leftovers from a restaurant from the weekend - but I do NOT cook on these days.  And I really like it if I don't have to reheat my own leftovers...but he's not feeling well and I'd rather not catch it, if it's contagious.  (I don't think it is - but I have been known to be wrong and I will admit that I've been wrong in the past. Sometimes...)

Twenty-nine (?) down, one on the machine, and only thirty-seven (?) to go.  I forgot to count the danged pile of things and I have no intention of pulling them out of the stack just to count when I will be handling every single shirt at least five or six more times as it is (hoop, embroider, trim threads & stabilizer, wash to remove markings [soap], dry, and put on a hanger).

That one project has a deadline of "as fast as possible" - which is why I negotiated that he take care of the meals these few days a year...if you want something done with high priority and high speed but done well - you have to free the worker from distractions, as much as feasible.  Getting takeout seemed feasible to ME!
« Last Edit: October 15, 2013, 08:12:39 PM by VorFemme »
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ShadowLady

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #27 on: October 18, 2013, 10:50:12 AM »
I sew for close family, and also a couple of friends that I am close with, who understand they have to put up with my schedule.  I do like these friends, they either buy the fabric that they want stuff made out of, or accept what I buy (or pick from my fabric horde).  and they are willing to pay me for my services with...... buying me fabric!   :D

When anyone else asks for me to sew for them, I tell them that I charge $40 and hour, with a minimum of 3 hours, and that they will have to wait until I finish *a list of projects that I am in the middle of*.  Most people shy off after the quote of money, and the rest do not want to be on the waiting list.  I tell them they can jump the list for $1000.  No one has taken me up on my offer yet.

Runningstar

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #28 on: October 18, 2013, 04:28:58 PM »
These are all great ideas - I really think that I'll tell her to stop asking me and that I just won't do it.  If I think it through there isn't any way to "win", they have outfits from other shows - and could re-wear them, but want a new one.
I only sew when I want to, and make gifts or things for myself.  To me it is too stressful to be on the spot.
When I sew a gift, there isn't pressure as if it doesn't turn out I just don't give it. 

FoxPaws

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #29 on: October 18, 2013, 05:17:16 PM »
I only sew when I want to, and make gifts or things for myself.  To me it is too stressful to be on the spot.

This - or a variation of it - is a perfect response to anyone who asks you to sew for them. Quick, to the point, and absolutely JADE free.
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