Author Topic: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?  (Read 9603 times)

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MrsJWine

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #30 on: October 18, 2013, 06:35:31 PM »
Yes, I actually think being direct with her is good. I think passive aggressive people count on you not responding directly, and that's why they're passive aggressive. They're avoiding real confrontation. In my experience, they HATE it when you respond, and it generally shuts them up (or, at least it does more often than just ignoring it does).


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Utah

LEMon

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #31 on: October 29, 2013, 01:38:13 AM »
Reading through your replies, this woman doesn't "need" this.  She "wants" it, but not at her own cost or work, at yours.  I would even allow myself to become indignant at her.  She is using guilt and more pressure, then punishes you when you refuse by making you three hours late.  She's like a child who wants and demands, but has nothing really to force this to happen.

Shine up your spine, and ignore.

Runningstar

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #32 on: October 30, 2013, 11:14:19 AM »
Reading through your replies, this woman doesn't "need" this.  She "wants" it, but not at her own cost or work, at yours.  I would even allow myself to become indignant at her.  She is using guilt and more pressure, then punishes you when you refuse by making you three hours late.  She's like a child who wants and demands, but has nothing really to force this to happen.

Shine up your spine, and ignore.
I've seen her a few times since this (at meetings for the kid's group) and she seems to have gotten the message.  I so agree with you and if it comes up again - I'm going to directly say no - and walk away.  The punishment (3 hours late) will NEVER happen again as I now know how she operates.  There has already been
some offers from her to share some equipment and I've plainly stated that we will buy our own thank you or do without.  It sounds like such a nice offer - but
I've seen where it will get me and I'm just not falling for it. 

StoutGirl

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #33 on: November 01, 2013, 12:46:16 PM »
This is one of the reasons why I don't share my sewing talents anymore.  I have never had anyone get nasty with me, but people don't realize that it takes a lot of time and energy to sew, and it comes with a cost.

Being in school right now, I am lucky to get a few stitches done one day a month for myself, and people wanting me to do a project for them?  Ain't nobody got time for that!

OP, it is absolutely fine for you to want to keep your talent to yourself, daughter, and close family and friends that know, appreciate, and deserve your gifts of talent.  Do not give into this woman!  Drive separate from her and find other parents to hang out with at the club events.

Kaypeep

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #34 on: December 04, 2013, 02:44:06 PM »
OP, I know it will be hard but I think it's worth it for you to practice saying no.  Practice with your partner or a trusted friend.  Role play what's going on here, and practice saying no, and walking away so that she can't trap you into more pleading.  Specifically, I think you should practice telling her, "Listen PA Mom, I need to tell you something.  I would like for you to stop asking me to do the sewing favor for you.  The answer remains the same, "no."  Also, more importantly, please stop having your daughter ask me the same favor.  The answer is the same, but more importantly, it's extremely uncomfortable for HER, me, and my daughter, when she asks for something that you and I have already discussed and the answer remains no.  I would appreciate it if you could respect my answer and consider this topic closed.  Thank you." 

If you can't talk to her, then maybe text her instead.  I think it's the only way you'll shut her down, plus it's a great feeling when you get used to telling people no, and makes it easier for the next time.

TootsNYC

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Re: Acquaintance wants me to sew an intricate costume for her?
« Reply #35 on: December 04, 2013, 02:59:40 PM »
Thanks for the replies!!  She not only asked several times, then had her daughter ask another few times.  We had all driven to the event together, and she knew
that I needed to be home (we were hours away) by 6 pm.  So, at 5:30 she finally gave up on getting me to sew the costume and bought a shirt for $25 that she then said loudly that she would have to try to find someone to modify and glitz up for her.  I ignored it, and ignored the anger during the 3 hour ride home.
It seemed to me that she deliberately made sure that I'd be late getting home, but had the excuse that the show her daughter will be in is next week and so she had no choice.  She drove, I paid for the hotel, and figured that the cost was about even - but she had the control to decide when to leave even though we had previously agreed on no later than 3 pm.

I have been reading e-hell for a while now and so just remained silent, but it is hard for me!  I want to jade!  I want to give my excuses!!
After reading the responses, I think I'll just remain silent, and avoid future situations where I'll be at her mercy again.

I think you should go on the offensive. "Jane, you're acting very angrily right now. That's not fair to me. I thought you were a better person that that, I'm disappointed that you'd treat me so badly."

Don't say "treat me so badly just because I can't make a costume for you..." bcs that opens the door to the wrong argument.

The point is that the "make me a costume" is off the table. And -now- you are talking to her about how she is treating you.

YOU get mad at HER! Lord knows you deserve to.


Though I do like Kaypeep's advice as well.