General Etiquette > All In A Day's Work

Was it wrong/rude to go over his head?

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Hello everyone! I've lurked for a while, and taken a lot of good advice from reading here. I now have an issue at work that I would like opinions on. I work for a trucking company overnights with a bunch of men. I love my job, the guys for the most part are respectful. I give as good as I get as far as  being treated like "one of the guys". The problem is the lead in the shop. We started at the same time, so there was a little new person kinship. He was having problems in his marriage  and vented to me quite a bit, also asking if it gets easier as they have only been married a short time while I've been with my SO for 8 years.  I hope that's enough BG for y'all. On to the issue. As his  marital problems got worse, he would sit and talk at me in my office for 30-45 minutes at a time while neglecting his job. I put up with it because  he seemed to be a nice guy.  What finally pushed me to go over his head is his calling my personal phone to chit-chat at 2am while I'm at work, and then asking me to call him and wake him up at 5:30 am to make sure he was up in time to go get his kids and go see his wife. (she's in rehab). I finally told our boss enough was enough. I'm not this guy's wife, gf, mother, whatever. When the boss spoke to him about it, he got angry with me. Right now, he only speaks to me regarding work, which is fine with me! If you made it through all that, was I wrong to go over his head once he stepped over a line I wasn't comfortable with?

It wasn't clear to me whether you first asked the coworker to stop before going over his head.  If you did not, yes, I think you were wrong and rude.  If you did ask him to stop and he persisted, I would have informed him that if it didn't stop you would have to go over his head before actually doing so.  This situation is airing some dirty laundry and while it isn't your fault exactly you sortof made it everyone's business and it didn't have to go down that way.

I would have address it with my coworker first. Only when he continued the offending behavior would I have gone to his boss about it.  If you had never told him that his behavior bothered you, how would he have known to stop? 

I agree with Turtledove. You were right to want it to stop, but the first step needed to be telling your coworker that you found his actions inappropriate.

Y'all are right. I should have been more assertive and less worried about being nice to him. Instead of telling him to back off, I started asking him about the work he was supposed to be doing. He still made the hurt feeling comment of, "I see, you don't want me around", but it got him back out doing his job. I need to work on my spine some more.  :)


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