General Etiquette > All In A Day's Work

Was it wrong/rude to go over his head?

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How was his behavior rude and escalating if the OP gave him every indication that it was welcome?


--- Quote from: Goosey on October 17, 2013, 06:59:31 AM ---How was his behavior rude and escalating if the OP gave him every indication that it was welcome?

--- End quote ---

Just because people tolerate someone doesn't mean they are "giving every indication that its welcome."  Not by a long shot.

Pouring out your personal troubles to a coworker for 35-40 minutes after a really rough weekend is understandable.  Making it a regular thing while neglecting your job is rude.

He should have some kind of self-awareness that this is not the time or the place and possibly not the person either.  It's self indulgent on his part.

His escalation was calling her in the middle of the night and expecting her to talk on the job, and give him a wake up call...  Waaaay too personal a thing to ask her given their relationship.

Later in the thread she relates how he was BBQing at work and asked her if she wanted a steak.  She said no.  He made her one anyway and told her as much.

He's not listening and not respecting the simplest of answers from her.

When she did use hints like asking him about his work, he would pout and go the self pity route: "I see, you don't want me around"

She tries politely to redirect him and the reaction is manipulative and self indulgent.

So, tell me, why is she responsible for putting him in his place?  Why is his behavior her reposnsiblity to moderate?  Where is his responsibility to reign it in?

Because I think that things he is doing are pretty obviously not ok.  Pouring out his heart once after a tough weekend is understandable.  Doing it more frequently and resorting to self pity when redirected is not.

Aren't the kinds of things he was starting to do the kinds of things that you look for an actual invitation to do, instead of relying on someone pushing you away to make you stop?

And lastly, where was the apology?  His boss tells him that he has been making his coworker uncomfortable and his reaction is "how dare you talk to him about it."  Not "oh my, I didn't realize that."  Not even "I thought this was reiprocal."

I think that is evidence  that he would have likely made it very difficult on her had she tried to handle it herself.


--- Quote from: mlmama on October 16, 2013, 11:10:04 PM ---No more hinting. Or not trying to hurt his feelings. He asked me a week ago if I wanted to buy anything to put on the grill with "them"(another time-waster for him, he cooks on his grill on the clock) I said, "No, Thank you." He came back with a steak for me anyway. I told him, "I said No, thank you."  He says, "Well, I got you one." And walked away. I don't know how to respond to PA-ness like that. I didn't eat it, even though he kept coming in and telling me it was ready.

I may not have to put up with him much longer as he's digging himself a hole in not getting his work done and the boss noticing.
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That is a really good step in establishing the distance from him that you desire. Be polite and professional but don't allow him to cross any lines.


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