General Etiquette > All In A Day's Work

Was it wrong/rude to go over his head?

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SlitherHiss:
As I see it, letting the person know they're bothering you is a kindness. If you ever face a similar situation in th future, try and remember that even if it's uncomfortable, it's a lot easier to be told "This is too close for comfort. I can't be involved in your personal life or take care of your schedule" than to be called in by a third party and told the same thing.

Goosey:

--- Quote from: SlitherHiss on October 15, 2013, 11:36:02 AM ---As I see it, letting the person know they're bothering you is a kindness. If you ever face a similar situation in th future, try and remember that even if it's uncomfortable, it's a lot easier to be told "This is too close for comfort. I can't be involved in your personal life or take care of your schedule" than to be called in by a third party and told the same thing.

--- End quote ---

Even worse, that third party was his boss. So, you essentially put him on report (which could affect his job on top of everything else) and embarassed him in front of his supervisor before you actually talked to him about limiting personal interaction. That probably came out of left field for him.

When he called you on your personal phone, that would be the perfect opportunity to say, "I'm not comfortable talking on my personal phone". When you felt he was distracting you from work, say "Well, I have to get back to work now. Talk to you later!"

You, by accepting his interaction quietly and supportively, built a personal relationship with him. Yet, when it became too much,  you put the blame firmly on his shoulders.

WillyNilly:

--- Quote from: mlmama on October 15, 2013, 11:30:12 AM ---Y'all are right. I should have been more assertive and less worried about being nice to him...

--- End quote ---

It might help in the future to pause and think "is this a short term nice, or a long term nice?" as well as "is this being nice to me or to him?"
Because the situation wasn't really actually nice to him at all. You tattled on him so to speak and got him in trouble. So the short term nice of not telling him to stop bugging you wasn't the long term nice to him of keeping him the bosses good graces. And also... really was it just to be nice to him that you handled it this way? Or was this the less awkward easier way for you? After all you didn't have to have the awkward conversation with a friend, you didn't have to confront anyone, etc.

mlmama:
The thing with telling the boss is the tech and I were both friends with the boss before we started  So to me it was more of friend telling him to an an employee/employer type thing. I have found out from talking to other people that he has worn everyone down with his drama to the point of if he says "My wife..." they all suddenly have a lot of work that needs to be done right now!

SlitherHiss:

--- Quote from: mlmama on October 15, 2013, 12:14:50 PM ---The thing with telling the boss is the tech and I were both friends with the boss before we started  So to me it was more of friend telling him to an an employee/employer type thing. I have found out from talking to other people that he has worn everyone down with his drama to the point of if he says "My wife..." they all suddenly have a lot of work that needs to be done right now!

--- End quote ---

I understand that what's done is done, but I have to say that's kind of a crummy position to put your boss/friend in.

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