Author Topic: S/O of Parental Criticism Thread: Were you criticized for being a bluestocking?  (Read 7276 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Katana_Geldar

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1782
Growing up and then later on,  I retreated into books and later video games as they were a way I could 'escape' from reality. Reality wasn't nice. I was expected to be ambitious and want to succeed and have a good job like my younger sisters...but all I wanted to be was happy, because most of the time I wasn't while living with my Mum and stepfather. I was always asked why I hid away in my room, it was to avoid them.

It even got to the point where I tried to kill myself, but it was that year that everything changed. I moved to the big city, DH (who I had met earlier that year ) was VERY pleased I was moving up and we started dating. I managed to get a qualification (no job yet) but I've never been happier.

VorFemme

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12904
  • Strolls with scissors! Too tired to run today!

The thing is, I've never had a problem dating. I managed to follow John Green's advice before I even heard it.



Mom was a teacher who translated her Greek New Testament for "fun" - so being teased about being a bluestocking didn't happen at home - now, the other kids in school didn't like it when the glasses wearing girl taller than the guys (until high school) was reading several years in advance of the former "smartest kid in class" - I did NOT make either valedictorian or salutatorian because at a certain point it was easier to pull the grades that came naturally and NOT study to make higher grades - I could read for fun instead - because once I got home, I would have chores to do and those would expand to fill the entire evening if I didn't have some "studying" to do (four kids and both parents worked - we all had chores). 

Turned out to be a bad idea when I got to college (not having learned to study efficiently) - but I did learn to study much more efficiently once I was paying for my own classes!  Getting married and moving to a house 1/4 the size of the one my family was living in cut down the amount of chores to do, too!
« Last Edit: October 18, 2013, 07:26:01 PM by VorFemme »
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

mrs_deb

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 892
  • I didn't expect THAT to happen!
"Put down the book, Miss Anti-Social, and watch television with the family."  -- my mother

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11010
I do remember when I'd go visit my grandparents house and my mother, her two sisters, grandma and their guests would get together and chat and chat about things I would have no input on, such as gossiping about people they grew up with, who did what, what they're doing now, etc. 

I'd pick up my book I'd left on the table and just start reading since I wasn't even really in the conversation and didn't find it interesting.  I'd be told to put it down, there was company and WE were having a conversation.  So I'd put the book down and go back to being ignored, pretty much.  ::)
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
I just talked to DD's teacher the other day..asked her about testing for the gifted program (again, my DD is above and beyond the majority of the kids in her class and her school is very academically ahead of other districts around here).  Teacher said , somewhat condescendingly, that the tests were reeeeeally long and gee that is so hard for the kids.  I countered with "She loves tests" (this is the child, when told she could pick any book at the book store picked out a third grade workbook and a book of timed math tests that she finished this summer.  Before she started 2nd grade).  She then said "Well, I like to take till at least January to evaluate them for any interventions (school starts in August, if you haven't picked up by October what they are basically capable of, then somethings wrong).  I am going to talk with the principal next week because DD just got her mid month behavior chart review and there is already 3 x's (she got 1 all last year) and the note says she should have had more but she decided to warn her about talking all the time.  I asked DD why she was suddenly acting up in class..she said she keeps trying to ask questions or talk about the subject (she loves to delve into things..it can be annoying but I hate discouraging her from satisfying her need to expand on the basics) and the teacher tells her she is talking too much.  ARGHHHHHHHH!!!!!  I do NOT want to be that mom, but I guess I will have to be.

finecabernet

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 672
Oh yes! I was told that getting my MA in English was "stupid" by step mom, who also prevented my father from paying my tuition (I didn't ask him, she told me later he wanted to pay for it and she said no). She also declared she'd been to too many graduations and wouldn't go to mine. Despite discouragement bordering on sabotage, I got the degree anyway. Amazed now I had the guts to pursue it, let alone achieve it.

Venus193

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 15891
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
Wow.

My mother didn't attend either my high school or my college graduation.  I have come to realize that she resented the fact that I finished school and she never did.

Bijou

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 12951
From a shirttail relative:
"I can't stand Bijou, but she's really smart!"  (I can't stand him either, and I don't think he's smart, at all.  I think he hates more people than anyone else I have ever met in my life.)
I've never knitted anything I could recognize when it was finished.  Actually, I've never finished anything, much to my family's relief.

kherbert05

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10319
    • Trees downed in my yard by Ike and the clean up
I do remember when I'd go visit my grandparents house and my mother, her two sisters, grandma and their guests would get together and chat and chat about things I would have no input on, such as gossiping about people they grew up with, who did what, what they're doing now, etc. 

I'd pick up my book I'd left on the table and just start reading since I wasn't even really in the conversation and didn't find it interesting.  I'd be told to put it down, there was company and WE were having a conversation.  So I'd put the book down and go back to being ignored, pretty much.  ::)
I come from a family of story tellers. They would send us kids away when certain types of stories got told.


At Nanna's I would sit in this old cane back chair that fit just between the frig and the counter. They would forget I was there.


At Dad's family's houses I would sit in the open or behind a couch with a book. THey all figured I wasn't listening. Years later they were shocked at the racier family history that I knew.
Don't Teach Them For Your Past. Teach Them For Their Future

Sirius

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 9867
  • Stars in my eyes!
I'd get "Put down that book and do something!"  I also got "If you're so smart, why are you working as a waitress?"  from my parents.

Well.  Mr. Sirius and I are both voracious readers, and not only do I appreciate his intelligence he appreciates mine.  He says it's one of the first things he noticed about me.

KenveeB

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8514
Fortunately, my parents were very supportive and encouraged me to read and take advanced classes whenever I could. My only real problem was that no one in my family was a reader and I never found a supportive teacher/librarian who could encourage me in what to read. I ended up reading a lot of YA lit that wasn't that good, just because it was what I ended up with in the library. I've tried to expand my horizons later in life.

My extended family, though, just Doesn't Get It. They all talk about how smart Kenvee is, but in the way you might talk about your dog suddenly picking up a curious new habit. My uncle would get mad and walk out if I was doing well at a game. (Sorry, don't play trivia with me!) My cousin said she wasn't going to chat with me online anymore because I used too many big words. They just don't get the concept of reading for fun, or reading nonfiction, or remembering odd facts because you watched a documentary on the subject, or whatever.

misha412

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 444
I actually had a family very supportive of education, so me being an advanced student was a good thing in their eyes. I am a voracious reader and have been since I learned how to read the basics. In my elementary school, the librarian made the 1st and 2nd graders read books in a certain section geared to their typical reading level. At the beginning of the second grade, she gave me permission to read anything in the library (K-6) because I was taking out more books than others every week. (Okay, call me a geek, a nerd, I don't care).

That did not stop criticism though. My vocabulary tends to be more expansive than most because I read so much. When I was in my twenties, finishing up my bachelor's degree, my mother made the comment that I "talk down" to people because I use "big words." I asked a few other people, including other family members, about that comment and never had anyone agree with her. It made me self-conscious about the words I use and that still continues through today.

I also had an aunt make a comment that if I weren't so dedicated to my education I would have "found a man" earlier. And it was said in a way that made it sound like a sad thing to not get married at age 20.

camlan

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8568
Reading a lot was one of the few things I wasn't criticized for. That was seen as as a good thing. And it kept me quiet in a house full of very noisy brothers. And both sides of the family come from a long line of teachers, so doing well in school was expected.

However, I'd go off to my room to read. And that was seen as bad, because I isolated myself from the rest of the family.

But with 5 brothers who were allowed to tease me endlessly and mercilessly until it reached the point of bullying, why on earth would I want to spend time with them? And if I complained, I was told I was "too sensitive."

And we lived in small houses mostly, with the TV in the living room, and no other room to go to except the dining room or kitchen. And the TV was always playing some sports thing--baseball, football, basketball, hockey--that I was not interested in. And it's hard to read with the noise of the TV and shouts of the TV viewers for every score or fumble or whatever.

My mother once threatened me with boarding school if I didn't come out of my room more. It was truly the worst punishment she could think of--being cut off from your family like that. Sadly, what she didn't realize was that I would have loved boarding school and not being around my brothers all the time. I lived in hopes for a few months that I would get to go away to school, but it had been an idle threat and never came to pass.

Nothing is impossible, the word itself says, “I’m possible!” –Audrey Hepburn


mime

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 720
Growing up and then later on,  I retreated into books and later video games as they were a way I could 'escape' from reality. Reality wasn't nice. I was expected to be ambitious and want to succeed and have a good job like my younger sisters...but all I wanted to be was happy, because most of the time I wasn't while living with my Mum and stepfather. I was always asked why I hid away in my room, it was to avoid them.

It even got to the point where I tried to kill myself, but it was that year that everything changed. I moved to the big city, DH (who I had met earlier that year ) was VERY pleased I was moving up and we started dating. I managed to get a qualification (no job yet) but I've never been happier.

This is a good reminder to be careful how you measure success. I believe in my post I referred to my career as very successful. By that I don't mean "I'm going to be President of Fortune100 company". My success in my career is that I get paid nicely to do what I love and it supports my family and my lifestyle. My advancement and non-advancement have been very much at my chosing, and I am happy with those choices.

If you have never been happier, then even though you are on a road that is different from that of your sisters, you are on a road to success nonetheless. I wish you continued success!

BeagleMommy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3110
I have a large vocabulary.  I love words and have dictionary.com's word of the day coming to my email.  Sometimes I know I sound like a walking thesaurus, but I can't help it.  It's the way I talk because I always read above my age group.

A former coworker complained to a former boss that I was insolent because I used "a lot of words she couldn't understand".  Boss asked that I use smaller words so coworker wouldn't feel bad.  I looked at her like this  :o and said "Do you really expect me to dumb myself down because coworker can't be bothered to pick up a dictionary"?  She apologized.