Author Topic: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Horn O'Plenty Play Update (Reply #447)  (Read 72384 times)

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TamJamB

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not?
« Reply #120 on: October 24, 2013, 04:35:48 PM »
A surprisingly high percentage of gifted people end up dropping out of high school, and most achieve average things with their life, so the label is their one "claim to fame."
  I wonder if you have a cite for this?  On the one hand, it sounds like one of those things that people just think is true, so it keeps getting passed on as fact.  On the other hand, I know you are a scientist, so I'd expect you to have evidence before you start throwing statistics around.
« Last Edit: October 24, 2013, 04:39:11 PM by TamJamB »

Deetee

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Email Notice (Reply #107)
« Reply #121 on: October 24, 2013, 04:37:40 PM »
My advice is that you leave on time
My desire is that you stay and give us a play-by-play
 ;D

yes, Please stay and report back. please.....

Twik

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Email Notice (Reply #107)
« Reply #122 on: October 24, 2013, 04:43:29 PM »
It's a production of "Cats" with all the parts performed by Connor.

That made me laugh out loud.

That must have been what he was doing in the OP. Getting into character.
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Hillia

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Email Notice (Reply #107)
« Reply #123 on: October 24, 2013, 04:55:00 PM »
My advice is that you leave on time
My desire is that you stay and give us a play-by-play
 ;D

This.  I'm a bad person :-)

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shhh its me

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Email Notice (Reply #107)
« Reply #124 on: October 24, 2013, 05:13:30 PM »
  I have an urgent question, will a person who does stay on Sat , tell you right away or will have to wait until Monday to find out ? It could be so much better then Connor the one man show ...there could be puppets , he and his mother could be acting out Friday the 13th , it may be his very first violin recital (2 hours on his violin he got last week) maybe his whole class will come and they will do the Great pumpkin Charlie Brown , maybe its a dance routine , pyrotechnics ?  :)

Even if it was something innocuous like "see Connor in his Halloween costume and I have candy apples for everyone." I hate when people are asking to stay after work for those forced socializing  after hours things and I'm the softy who is asked politely would stay for 15 minutes to watch your kids sing songs and dance in his/her costume but I hate with a passion mystery events and don't do implied mandatory.

flickan

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Email Notice (Reply #107)
« Reply #125 on: October 24, 2013, 05:20:14 PM »
There's got to be a way to find out if it involves her kid before staying-- because it could definitely be something good-- while having an easy out if it turns out to be something else.  If it's after work you can get a text right?  An emergency text?  This is what I would do.

I always feel trapped when people want to trot out their children for my benefit so I use the benefit of being curmodgeony and whatnot.  I'm working on a look that implies "I don't want to see your horrible kid" without actually saying it outloud.  This doesn't work if you're trying to make friends though.

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Email Notice (Reply #107)
« Reply #126 on: October 24, 2013, 05:45:08 PM »
I get the feeling that when Conner was a touch younger he was having troubles making friends at school, perhaps a little socially awkward, perhaps a little ahead of his peers. Carol, who I'm picturing as a helicopter parent, is very concerned about his lack of friends so a well-meaning teacher tells her something like "Conner's just a bit ahead of his peers, he might be gifted, give him some time", of course what she heard was "My son is brilliant and gifted!", and latched onto that. If Conner balanced a spoon on his nose, she'd be calling it a "gifted talent". Conner is probably a bright child and has figured out he can get away with any behavior because well, his mom is going to bellow about how gifted and talented he is. And everyone else must suffer.

My mom never trotted out the "I have a gifted daughter" line. When I graduated early from high school, when I got my AA in high school, she told people I was a hard worker. She'll tell people that I'm bright, or that I get things quickly, I've heard her say "I don't worry about Glitter, she's smart, she knows how to take care of herself". But if I got on all fours and mewed like a cat in public she'd tell me to knock it off and pretend to be normal. I don't want to imagine what she would've done if I hit her or called everyone fat.

I'm reminded of a line from Big Bang Theory "itís okay to be smarter than everybody but you canít go around pointing it out", someone really should've told Carol.

Nikko-chan

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Email Notice (Reply #107)
« Reply #127 on: October 24, 2013, 05:50:05 PM »
I get the feeling that when Conner was a touch younger he was having troubles making friends at school, perhaps a little socially awkward, perhaps a little ahead of his peers. Carol, who I'm picturing as a helicopter parent, is very concerned about his lack of friends so a well-meaning teacher tells her something like "Conner's just a bit ahead of his peers, he might be gifted, give him some time", of course what she heard was "My son is brilliant and gifted!", and latched onto that. If Conner balanced a spoon on his nose, she'd be calling it a "gifted talent". Conner is probably a bright child and has figured out he can get away with any behavior because well, his mom is going to bellow about how gifted and talented he is. And everyone else must suffer.

My mom never trotted out the "I have a gifted daughter" line. When I graduated early from high school, when I got my AA in high school, she told people I was a hard worker. She'll tell people that I'm bright, or that I get things quickly, I've heard her say "I don't worry about Glitter, she's smart, she knows how to take care of herself". But if I got on all fours and mewed like a cat in public she'd tell me to knock it off and pretend to be normal. I don't want to imagine what she would've done if I hit her or called everyone fat.

I'm reminded of a line from Big Bang Theory "itís okay to be smarter than everybody but you canít go around pointing it out", someone really should've told Carol.


Parenting: Your mom did it right ;)

EMuir

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Email Notice (Reply #107)
« Reply #128 on: October 24, 2013, 06:05:20 PM »
It may be less of an issue being labelled as "gifted" if you're in a larger school where you can be part of an entire gifted class.  When it's a very small school, class size under 20 each and only one room of each grade, singling someone out as gifted makes them a target.

Hopefull

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Email Notice (Reply #107)
« Reply #129 on: October 24, 2013, 06:08:41 PM »
My advice is that you leave on time
My desire is that you stay and give us a play-by-play
 ;D

This is my desire as well  >:D

In fact you should record it and you should upload it on youtube and give us the link.
 >:D
ďI felt this thrill going up my leg!Ē

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Email Notice (Reply #107)
« Reply #130 on: October 24, 2013, 06:10:29 PM »
It may be less of an issue being labelled as "gifted" if you're in a larger school where you can be part of an entire gifted class.  When it's a very small school, class size under 20 each and only one room of each grade, singling someone out as gifted makes them a target.

Under 20...that's...they do that? Oh...that sounds nice. We were always 30 plus. Some high school classes were closer to 25, and the small ones were the more "specialized" classes (choir, dance, AP classes, that type of thing), but in elementary school it was pretty much at 30. Gifted kids were pulled out for specialized classes, they called it IP classes. Usually science, math, and English, depending on your test scores depended on what you got pulled for. They wouldn't test me, but I'd help the IP kids with homework sometimes, or just do it with them (my neighbor was an IP kid, so we do our homework together and I'd do his as something else to do).

TeamBhakta

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Email Notice (Reply #107)
« Reply #131 on: October 24, 2013, 07:26:25 PM »
My  random guess: The kid will re-enact the Yankee Doodle Boy episode of Full House. And when he freezes up, the mom will have you guys cheer "You go out there and be the best Yankee Doodle Boy you can be!"

Venus193

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not?
« Reply #132 on: October 24, 2013, 07:33:57 PM »
If I were in Jill's position, I wouldn't beat around the bush about this.  I'd say "Jesse will not be coming over to play with Connor."

I have the opinion that if someone asks "why not?" to that statement, they kind of dserve to hear the truth, even if it hurts.  "Because I refuse to subject my son to the sort of antisocial behavior Connor displayed at [event]."

This. 

Really, it benefits nobody to enable their bad parenting if an honest response causes them to rethink it.  If, however, they don't you at least will have done the right thing.

sammycat

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Email Notice (Reply #107)
« Reply #133 on: October 24, 2013, 07:41:53 PM »
My advice is that you leave on time
My desire is that you stay and give us a play-by-play
 ;D

Mine too!  >:D


VorFemme

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Email Notice (Reply #107)
« Reply #134 on: October 24, 2013, 09:17:21 PM »
Nobody, but nobody cares that your kid is gifted. [...] But aside from a comment to the grandparents and maybe with her teacher, no-one else cares, nor should they. So if you have the next Einstein, that's great but it's not a topic of conversation. I would rather discuss politics than compare developmental stages of children. Much less fraught.

Exactly. Its pointless to run around telling people this kind of stuff. If they really are gifted, it will be evident in some way, usually to the people who will appreciate it the most. If my kid were a genius at chess, at this point only other chess players are going to care. Eventually the skills that make him a good chess player may be appreciated by a school or company or employer ...but still the world at large isn't going to need to know.

I think it was a sig line I saw on Customers Suck that I got this from, but it seems apropos here too. "If someone has to tell you they're trustworthy (or gifted), it's because they know their behavior won't show it. The people who run around claiming their trustworthiness (giftedness) the loudest are the ones you have to watch out for the most."

In this case, rather than trustworthiness, it's the giftedness that Carol is proclaiming for her son, and well, same rule seems to apply. From the description of the behavior, I would've guessed an age of four or five, not nine! I was in a lot of Gifted & Talented programs as a kid, but if I had acted like that? Oooooh, there would have been T.R.O.U.B.L.E. in my world, and no amount of "but she's Gifted!" would have gotten me off from hitting my mother.

Regardless of the status of Connor's mental talents, Jessie is not obligated to make Josh put up with his behaviors if Josh himself isn't interested in a friendship. As far as what to say, maybe something along the lines of, "Oh, we have so much on the calendar right now, I just don't think it's going to happen."

I was in a training program class of ten people - one of the women kept going on & on, mentioning at least once a day (minimum) that she was a genius.  She also mentioned that her husband was a lawyer & a few other things.  She carried a small dog everywhere with her except work (this was 1999 - so before Paris Hilton or Legally Blonde made dogs an accessory). 

She was one of the few to take the licensing exam and pass it the first time (something like 75-80% fail rate). 

She was also the second one fired (first one fell asleep in class, failed the licensing exam, and was harassing female coworkers & clients - smarmy dude) - her telephone records of who she talked to didn't match up to her computer records in the various case files.  She'd been getting awards for her phone stats & closed files.  After she was fired, many of them had to be reopened & worked to get them closed for REAL - and her name appeared in the quarterly awards newsletter when several people knew she'd been walked out under escort after being fired.

It turned out that her husband was a paralegal, not a lawyer, among other things that came out over the three months that it took for everything to catch up with her...  She might have been a genius - but she wasn't smart enough to get away with being a habitual stretcher of the truth (usually called a liar - but I'm trying to be a bit nicer than she ever was to me).  She was also a Queen Bee and a Mean Girl who wanted to be the leader of a little clique of cool girls.  With five of us, I got selected to be the one who wasn't cool...apparently because I lived further away and didn't stick around after class to go out for dinner or drinks with the rest of the "Cool Girls".
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