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Author Topic: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Horn O'Plenty Play Update (Reply #447)  (Read 138678 times)

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123sandy

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #390 on: November 22, 2013, 07:23:46 AM »
I feel bad for Carol. It seems she has no life of her own and puts all her energies into her son and his wants,to the point of desperation. Add that to (it seems from the OP) her husband and son are not really nice to her, and now her co-workers are always complaining about her and I just see a sad and lonely person. I know her behaviour has brought a lot of this on her but...it makes me feel unhappy to think about the situation.

Pen^2

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #391 on: November 22, 2013, 08:02:51 AM »
Was anyone else bothered by the thought of kids getting points and getting prizes for who donates the most? Doesn't seem like a great way to foster a spirit of generosity to me, when it seems like setting kids up to think even more about themselves than those they're helping.

I dislike this also, yes. "Fundraise to get prizes!" instead of, "Fundraise to help people!" always makes me twitch a little. Once you put prizes in, then you know that a lot of kids (and adults, to be fair) are going to lose sight of what it should be about. The temptation is too much for a lot of still-developing minds. Although if organisations manage to get more food/money/help to people who need it by doing things like this, then you really can't blame them, I suppose.

Poor Carol. She's really committed to digging a nice deep grave for herself here. After being told repeatedly and given warnings, she still keeps trying to pull this stuff... Oh dear.

Peppergirl

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #392 on: November 22, 2013, 08:24:37 AM »
I feel bad for Carol. It seems she has no life of her own and puts all her energies into her son and his wants,to the point of desperation. Add that to (it seems from the OP) her husband and son are not really nice to her, and now her co-workers are always complaining about her and I just see a sad and lonely person. I know her behaviour has brought a lot of this on her but...it makes me feel unhappy to think about the situation.

This didn't occur to me until I read this. It really does reek of desperation.

One has to wonder if her disgusting husband is pulling these shenanigans at HIS place of employment. Somehow I think not.

Eden

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #393 on: November 22, 2013, 08:47:26 AM »

I don't think I would report her just yet (because this is a woman's job we are talking about and losing it can have far-reaching consequences).

If a man was acting as aggressive at work as Carol did, nobody would be all "aww, poor Bob is probably just socially awkward. Have a chat with him over tea and don't take away his job"

I think aggressive is kind of an overstatement. She has been rude and overbearing. My opinion would not change if she were a man. I feel sorry for her because I do not get the impression she understands why people are reacting the way they are. That must feel very bad. I imagine after she was told she could not approach the volunteers about her causes that she thought she was complying with the fliers. she was not approaching anyone. But then she saw the reactions and got worried about another report. THAT SAID, although I feel sorry for her, she still is behaving inappropriately. I think based on the reaction in the parking lot she will not violate again so reporting may not be necessary.

Venus193

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #394 on: November 22, 2013, 09:08:44 AM »
I disagree.  People like this, who have no boundaries and no sense of appropriate business behavior, will do this again and again until they hit rock bottom.  Like getting a pink slip.





ladyknight1

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #395 on: November 22, 2013, 09:20:40 AM »
I am a volunteer for a very large organization, that has 1 staff member for every 20 volunteers. We have had our share of "Carol" type people and they are all terminated within a year of arriving. This type of behavior would not fly in this organization.
ďAll that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost."
-J.R.R Tolkien

CrazyDaffodilLady

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #396 on: November 22, 2013, 10:38:32 AM »
It's pretty common, especially during the holidays, to see food donation boxes at stores, work places, and even the post office.  At my workplace, there's currently a donation box in the lobby.  No one thinks twice about it, and those who wish to donate do so.

Carol could've asked management for permission to put a donation box in the store, and it's likely she would've been allowed to do so.  Then she could've mentioned the box once, with no pressure.  She could've put Connor's number on the collected items before she donated them.  I doubt that anyone would've been bothered by this.

Instead, at a time when she was already in trouble for her antics, she ineptly tried to trick her volunteers.  She chooses to be manipulative, sneaky, demanding, and a whiny drama queen when she doesn't get her way.  No matter how sorry we feel for a person, they need to learn that this is not an acceptable way to interact.

Carol does sound unhappy and desperate, and it would be great if someone were to sit her down and explain things to her until she understands.  However, that person should not be one of the volunteers -- for a lot of reasons.
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Piratelvr1121

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #397 on: November 22, 2013, 11:28:56 AM »
I feel bad for Carol. It seems she has no life of her own and puts all her energies into her son and his wants,to the point of desperation. Add that to (it seems from the OP) her husband and son are not really nice to her, and now her co-workers are always complaining about her and I just see a sad and lonely person. I know her behaviour has brought a lot of this on her but...it makes me feel unhappy to think about the situation.

This didn't occur to me until I read this. It really does reek of desperation.

One has to wonder if her disgusting husband is pulling these shenanigans at HIS place of employment. Somehow I think not.

I've been wondering myself if it's the husband and Connor putting the pressure on her to do all this.  Not that we can really say this is what's happening, it's just speculation but I have known men who don't like when their wives are doing anything outside the house so they try to sabotage any efforts the wives have of either making money or just spending time not devoted to the men of the house. 

Like I said, nothing any of us can say based on the little information we have on him, but it wouldn't surprise me either.

"Hey, do all this to send Connor to this camp!"
"But they told me I could get fired, why don't you do it at your job?"
"Cause my job actually is important!"
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

TeamBhakta

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #398 on: November 22, 2013, 12:14:04 PM »
Quote
I imagine after she was told she could not approach the volunteers about her causes that she thought she was complying with the fliers. she was not approaching anyone. But then she saw the reactions and got worried about another report. THAT SAID, although I feel sorry for her, she still is behaving inappropriately. I think based on the reaction in the parking lot she will not violate again so reporting may not be necessary.

She went up to people and asked about it after putting the flyers on cars.

jedikaiti

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #399 on: November 22, 2013, 12:33:27 PM »
I feel bad for Carol. It seems she has no life of her own and puts all her energies into her son and his wants,to the point of desperation. Add that to (it seems from the OP) her husband and son are not really nice to her, and now her co-workers are always complaining about her and I just see a sad and lonely person. I know her behaviour has brought a lot of this on her but...it makes me feel unhappy to think about the situation.

This didn't occur to me until I read this. It really does reek of desperation.

One has to wonder if her disgusting husband is pulling these shenanigans at HIS place of employment. Somehow I think not.

I've been wondering myself if it's the husband and Connor putting the pressure on her to do all this.  Not that we can really say this is what's happening, it's just speculation but I have known men who don't like when their wives are doing anything outside the house so they try to sabotage any efforts the wives have of either making money or just spending time not devoted to the men of the house. 

Like I said, nothing any of us can say based on the little information we have on him, but it wouldn't surprise me either.

"Hey, do all this to send Connor to this camp!"
"But they told me I could get fired, why don't you do it at your job?"
"Cause my job actually is important!"

Or they might not know anything about it. Or perhaps Carol wants to send Connor to acting camp, Husband points out they can't afford it, so she goes off to raise money. We just don't have any info on that. Hubs could be the driving force, or totally in the dark. Heck, he could even be out of the picture entirely, for all we know.
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Goosey

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #400 on: November 22, 2013, 12:40:46 PM »
It's just so weird that she went through all that effort for plausible deniability and then, you know, didn't deny anything.  :o

Amara

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #401 on: November 22, 2013, 01:07:31 PM »
I suspect, Goosey, that she didn't anticipate the others would discover a connection.

What is puzzling me about this discussion is the number of people who feel sorry for Carol. I don't. I wonder why those who do, do. Imagine that this was not a nonprofit but instead a private business or large corporation. Carol is the middle manager with a CEO over her (rather than a board of directors). The OP and her fellow volunteers are staff who work under Carol.

Carol comes into work and does what she does, pressuring her subordinates to contribute to her son's camp expenses. Upon being informed by HR who was notified by one of the employees, that this is an inappropriate use of her authority, Carol sends an office wide non-apology email. The employees are angered and annoyed but don't say anything more because Carol does their annual evaluations, approves or disapproves requested vacation time, and hands out juicy (and awful) work assignments.

All goes along okay, and the employees think things might be settled, when they go out to leave one Friday night and find, on their cars, in the employee parking lot, fliers on contributing to a food donation fundraiser. How odd, though, that there is no name attached, no phone number, or anything other than a request for the donor to put a number of top of the can. Hmm, thinks a couple of employees, this is odd. We already have a donation can in the building. Did someone come in to the lot and leave outside spam? Then Carol comes out to go home and sees a small group of employees gathered around, talking. She just happens to mention the flier. Well ... how does she know about it? She hasn't been to her car yet so how does she know about them?

There is nothing to feel sorry about or anyone to feel sorry for. As I noted above, this is PD. It should be dealt with in the manner of all PD.

Eden

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #402 on: November 22, 2013, 02:23:23 PM »
Amara, people can feel sorry for her. It's fine that you don't.

Again those who feel sorry for her are not defending her. At least I'm not. She did wrong. I still feel sorry for her.

Lynn2000

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #403 on: November 22, 2013, 02:28:58 PM »
Well, I feel bad for Carol because she seems to be reality-challenged and seems to have nothing worthwhile in her life except her promotion of her son's talents--even her job and her self-respect is secondary to that (letting Connor insult her, for example). That makes me sad for her.

But, that doesn't mean I don't think she should be punished when she crosses the line. I do think all her behavior should be reported, and I hope the higher-ups take appropriate steps with her--whether that is outright firing her, or maybe someone will have the power to say, "If you are to stay employed here, you have to get counseling." But if she does get fired, I just mean I wouldn't be dancing around going, "Ding dong, the witch is dead!" I would be more like, "Wow, that's a really sad situation. Well, let's get on with our lives, and hope the new boss is better."
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artk2002

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #404 on: November 22, 2013, 03:53:59 PM »
It's just so weird that she went through all that effort for plausible deniability and then, you know, didn't deny anything.  :o

I don't find it weird at all. She's not someone who can think more than one step ahead. She realized that she was in trouble and had to be more subtle, so she planted the flyers. What she didn't think ahead to was: 1) Her co-workers would figure out what it was; and 2) Would be very, very unhappy when they did. She didn't think far enough ahead to realize that asking about the flyers would give people more evidence for #1. She was completely unprepared to be confronted about it and so gave up the story almost immediately. She's incapable of seeing the otherwise-obvious results of her actions. It's quite likely, to me at least, that were the positions reversed, she would be making donations to support someone else's kid (unless she saw that as competition for her own); she can't understand, even when faced with evidence, that people are put off by her actions.

Sadly, I know a few people like this. If they believe something is right, then no evidence to the contrary will affect them. My CEO, a supposedly savvy businessman, just made a promise to our customers that we can't fulfill in the time frame that he gave. This is the third time he's done that and each time resulted in some very unhappy customers. In fact, he made this latest promise because he's afraid that we're going to lose those customers if we don't give them this thing right away. The fact that everybody has said that making this promise is a bad idea, and the fact that we've failed before is having no effect at all.
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