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Author Topic: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - Horn O'Plenty Play Update (Reply #447)  (Read 138686 times)

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Possum

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #405 on: November 22, 2013, 05:22:11 PM »
"Carol, I'm glad you love your son so much, and he *is* clearly a smart boy, but you need to set boundaries here.  I saw him punch you in the stomach, call you fat, and call you by your real name, and you did nothing.  Now he wants to go to drama camp and--I don't even know what the Horn o' Plenty thing is--and instead of saying you can't afford it, you're willing to sacrifice your job and your reputation to capitulate to him.

"He's a good boy, but without boundaries, he's going to be a bully.  And not just to you.

"Look, we're all here for you, to support you a personal level, but only there.  We can't contribute to your causes, and your son is not a charity--and it's not fair to him to treat his desires as a charity.  It can leave him feeling either entitled or humiliated.  There's not a big in-between there. 

"We'll be happy to recommend any local drama programs we know of, and support you if you get help to learn how to handle him in the way that will be healthiest for him.  We'll even come see the play at the end of drama camp, and cheer louder than anyone.

"But that's it.

"You love your son.  Do what's best for him in the long run, even if it leaves both of you hurting in the short run."

It's blunt, but sometimes, with people like Carol, that's how you've got to roll.

Elfmama

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #406 on: November 22, 2013, 06:17:05 PM »
"He's a good boy, but without boundaries, he's going to be a bully.  And not just to you.
And Carol will run away weeping (or stomp away angry) that you just don't understaaaaaand a talented and sensitive child like Connor!!!!!!!!elevetyone!!!  Parents of the kind that Carol appears to be just do not admit that Widdle Pweshus is not a perfect child.
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Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
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Venus193

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #407 on: November 22, 2013, 06:23:16 PM »
"He's a good boy, but without boundaries, he's going to be a bully.  And not just to you.
And Carol will run away weeping (or stomp away angry) that you just don't understaaaaaand a talented and sensitive child like Connor!!!!!!!!elevetyone!!!  Parents of the kind that Carol appears to be just do not admit that Widdle Pweshus is not a perfect child.

I agree; I've seen this happen and it isn't pretty.

Carol and her husband obviously have issues between themselves if he encourages the child to show such disrespect to her and she is in severe denial.  Nobody in her workplace should have to suffer for that.





johelenc1

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #408 on: November 22, 2013, 07:38:36 PM »
It's just so weird that she went through all that effort for plausible deniability and then, you know, didn't deny anything.  :o

This is so true!  It's like she can't help herself!

kansha

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #409 on: November 22, 2013, 08:05:23 PM »
It's just so weird that she went through all that effort for plausible deniability and then, you know, didn't deny anything.  :o

This is so true!  It's like she can't help herself!
because her only identity is being the mother of this oh so speshul star-to-be child?

Possum

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #410 on: November 22, 2013, 08:27:25 PM »
"He's a good boy, but without boundaries, he's going to be a bully.  And not just to you.
And Carol will run away weeping (or stomp away angry) that you just don't understaaaaaand a talented and sensitive child like Connor!!!!!!!!elevetyone!!!  Parents of the kind that Carol appears to be just do not admit that Widdle Pweshus is not a perfect child.
I figure she would--but maybe, just maybe, after the fact, it'll sink in.

I once had a friend hesitantly offer me advice on something.  I told him to go ahead and say it, and he did--and I was furious.  I didn't take it out on him *too* bad, but I was still so mad at him.  How dare he criticize [thing]!  He just doesn't understand, this is how I am!

We used to talk every day, but after that, I didn't talk to him for a week.

And then, gradually, I began to see he was right.  I tentatively put it into motion, and it worked.  It wound up being some of the best advice ever, and ever since (fifteen years!), I've been absolutely gleeful he said it to me.  (And yes, I told him it was good advice and apologized for any snark he got in response!)

Maybe, just maybe...  Carol will have a similar epiphany.  Probably not.  And probably not off of just one statement. 

But it just might do more good than harm.  Even if it's in more gentle wording than mine (probably a good idea). 

Then again, it might be a lost cause--which would be sad. :/

baglady

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #411 on: November 22, 2013, 09:39:24 PM »
I'm another one who feels sorry for Carol.

She has a son and a husband who are mean and disrespectful to her, and she's trying to rationalize the son's behavior by believing it's because he's "gifted." She may have heard or read about other gifted children with behavior issues and latched onto that explanation/excuse because the alternative is to conclude that she's a lousy parent.

And I don't think she *is* a horrible, evil parent -- just clueless and probably spineless. She's not alone. We've all met parents who don't discipline their children because they're afraid of hurting their feelings, or provoking a tantrum or an "I hate you!"

Being disciplined at work, or fired, for her inappropriate behavior re Connor may be the wake-up call she needs. Or not. But it's a start.

And yeah, I'd donate to send Connor to camp -- *boot* camp. >:D
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Elfmama

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #412 on: November 23, 2013, 03:41:45 PM »
If you're raising your kids right, they'll scream "I hate you!  You're the meanest mother in the world!" at least once.   >:D
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~
Common sense is not a gift, but a curse.  Because then
you have to deal with all the people who don't have it.
~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~

floridamom

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #413 on: November 23, 2013, 03:54:02 PM »
If you're raising your kids right, they'll scream "I hate you!  You're the meanest mother in the world!" at least once.   >:D

So true!!  >:D

*inviteseller

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #414 on: November 23, 2013, 04:03:29 PM »
Once?  Heck, I think I am doing a poor job if my older DD doesn't tell me that at least once a day!!   ;D ;D  She needs a wake up call and if it is losing her job, then so be it.  I learned, when I started in retail management, that the worst workers all had the biggest sob stories and I would feel bad for them until I had the AHA! moment that I was enabling their poor job performance/attendance/attitude by letting it slide because they had a sad song to sing.  I finally developed that professional spine and would try to council them and not fall for the tears and if they got fired, it was not my fault but theirs.  Carol needs to learn this too.  She is trying to extort money from volunteers for her personal gain, she is using a food drive, a noble thing, to further her son instead of for the basic hope she can help someone less fortunate and trying to con volunteers into doing it also...while on the clock for a charity group she works for.  This woman has absolutely no shame and is spiraling out of control. Being told by her superiors that her behavior and actions are unacceptable, she doesn't apologize and stop..instead she blames the volunteers for not giving her SS what he wants and for tattling on her, then she does it again, but tries to be more sneaky.  She is going to ratchet it up more and more if she isn't stopped soon.  I do not think it is any of the volunteers jobs to council her as to what she is doing is wrong for several reasons- a.  her bosses did, and if the ones who sign her paycheck can't make her see the folly of her ways, there is no way some volunteers she has supervisory power over will..they are the ones who are supposed to be making SS's very dreams come true.  b)  They are not friends, in fact at this point it doesn't seem like the volunteers want anything to do with her so any 'advice' they give her will not be ehell approved due to the anger they feel in constantly being hit up in some heavy handed ways for her son's personal wants.  There maybe a volunteer there whose kids need braces but can't afford them, or someone needs a new roof on their house but doesn't have the money, or any kind of personal crisises that we all encounter and they aren't strong arming everyone because they know it is their responsibility.  Carol has lost sight of this and just wants to be bestest mommy in the whole wide world for the brat, who probably tells her "If you don't make this happen for me, I will hate you forever" and because she is terrified her snookiookums will hate her for saying no, she is going crazy. 

nolechica

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #415 on: November 23, 2013, 08:44:54 PM »
Am I the only one who's wondered if she does anything with her income other than pay for Connor? 

NyaChan

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #416 on: November 23, 2013, 09:46:05 PM »
Am I the only one who's wondered if she does anything with her income other than pay for Connor?

Actually, I had been thinking about finances in this story.  The way she is described gives off this sense of entitlement, yes, but also desperation.  The way it comes across to me is that in her mind, these supposed advantages for Connor won't happen without the financial help from others.  Made me wonder if either they couldn't afford to give him these things on their own or figure he is so special that others should want to cover it for them. 

GreenEyedHawk

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #417 on: November 23, 2013, 10:27:45 PM »
Perhaps Connor was registered for the camp and was told he was going, but now the payment deadline is approaching and Carol is getting desperate because she is finding she can't afford it?  I don't know, I am of course just speculating.

Still though, I feel badly for her.
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GrammarNerd

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #418 on: November 24, 2013, 06:26:22 AM »
Perhaps Connor was registered for the camp and was told he was going, but now the payment deadline is approaching and Carol is getting desperate because she is finding she can't afford it?  I don't know, I am of course just speculating.

Still though, I feel badly for her.

Could be, but why risk your job and the wrath of the people you work with to do the food drive?  I'm sure the prizes for the food drive aren't monetary, which wouldn't help them in paying for the camp.

I think she's just so firmly entrenched in her delusions that she NEEDS validation from others that her little boy is oh, so wonderful and special. So when the fundraiser thing failed, she still tried to 'get' the volunteers, but this time used some underhanded tactics.  So when they wouldn't do it willingly, she tried to punish them (in a way) by getting more devious.  It's all about the end goal that THEY HELP HER PRECIOUS CONNOR, one way or another, darn it!

Twik

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Re: "Gifted" Child - Engage or Not? - I Spoke With Jessie Update (Reply #340)
« Reply #419 on: November 24, 2013, 08:38:46 AM »
That's a good point about validation. She's suffering from stage mother syndrome. "I may not be important, but my child is Special, and that makes me special too."

Pretty sad all around, but workplaces are not the place to get validation for anything other than your work,
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