Author Topic: Facebook friendships with strangers.  (Read 3553 times)

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Coley

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Facebook friendships with strangers.
« on: October 22, 2013, 09:15:06 AM »
I know there are several schools of thought about FB and FB friends. I have FB friends who have 600 or 700 "friends." They will "friend" just about anyone. On the other hand, some people are more selective about who they "friend." I'm in the latter group. I'm just not comfortable "friending" anyone and everyone unless I actually know the person. I have never "friended" anyone I haven't met in person.

I play a couple of games through FB in which I have some random opponents. One of my random opponents (Joe) and I have been playing each other for several months. We have exchanged a couple of chat messages through the game in that period of time. Yesterday, I got a chat message from Joe in which he told me I could friend him on FB. He gave me enough information to find him on FB, and he also gave me his e-mail address.

Now I'm not sure what to do with this request from Joe. I wasn't expecting that from him. If I say nothing or I don't friend him, I fear I would be rejecting him. On the other hand, I don't have any idea about his intentions, especially in wanting to friend me when all he knows about me is my photo and my ability to identify songs. The question in my mind is, "Why would you want to be FB friends when you don't know me?" I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around that.

This is completely new ground for me. Have you had situations in which strangers have asked if you want to be FB friends? If you declined, what did you say? Did you ignore their requests? If this were a situation in which he sent me a friend request on FB, I might be able to ignore it, but in this case, he asked me via chat in the game. It's harder to ignore that.

squeakers

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Re: Facebook friendships with strangers.
« Reply #1 on: October 22, 2013, 09:24:12 AM »
I'm one of those people with hundreds of game friends.  If you don't feel comfortable with Joe being an FB friend just tell him "Sorry, I keep my FB friend list to family only."

But if you have been playing a game with this guy for months and have messaged a few times with him I wouldn't call him a stranger... he's an acquaintance  :D
"I feel sarcasm is the lowest form of wit." "It is so low, in fact, that Miss Manners feels sure you would not want to resort to it yourself, even in your own defense. We do not believe in retaliatory rudeness." Judith Martin

daen

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Re: Facebook friendships with strangers.
« Reply #2 on: October 22, 2013, 09:25:38 AM »
You could say more or less what you've said here: I know some people use Facebook differently, but I only friend people I've met in person. It helps to [streamline my feed/simplify my life/keep Facebook from taking over the world/whatever reason you choose]. Beandip?

(squeakers posted while I was typing, and I like that response better.)
 
If you're inclined for any reason to get to know more about Joe than his game-playing abilities, send him an email - maybe just a line or two about a website that's related to something in a game you've played recently, and the link. It would indicate that you aren't rejecting him. If you're concerned about his intentions, though, there's no need to engage any further than you already have until and unless you're completely comfortable  with it.

dawbs

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Re: Facebook friendships with strangers.
« Reply #3 on: October 22, 2013, 09:29:46 AM »
There are some more nuances to the 'friends w/ everyone' and 'friends only w/ people we know IRL' schools you're looking at--and I think, OP, that what you're doing is deciding if you want to belong to one of those 2 schools or one of the 'in between' schools.
You might find yourself in the "I only friend people I 'know'" camp--and you may decide (either now or later, after more interaction) that you 'know' this guy.
You might also find you pur your FB friends into 2 groups (possibly in 2 actual groups where you limit what they can see in your account)--people you 'know' and people you are 'getting to know'.

What your'e having a hard time wrapping your head around is just that he uses the entire system differently than your 2 camps...and really, that's a stylistic thing.  You can either say "thanks! but I only friend people I know IRL" or you can say "gee, thanks, let me as you as a friend' (or you can do the middle ground [technically a TOU violation] and have a 'online people only' FB account you add him to)

cwm

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Re: Facebook friendships with strangers.
« Reply #4 on: October 22, 2013, 10:39:38 AM »
I've never played online games like the one you're talking about, OP, but I have met several people online. And they all give me their information so I can find them on FB. To a person, I've told them all that I keep FB strictly for family and not a single person has given me a hard time about it. Most people realize that different people use FB for different things. As long as you're nice about it, I don't see what the problem would be.

Also, I second the idea that you should email him, just to try to get to know him better, if you want. Maybe you'll know him well enough one day that you'd be comfortable adding him on FB.

Teenyweeny

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Re: Facebook friendships with strangers.
« Reply #5 on: October 22, 2013, 11:34:22 AM »
If you don't object to friending him in principle, but want to remain a bit guarded, you can add him but customise what he is able to see.

Go to privacy settings, and you can make it so that everybody except Joe Bloggs can see your posts, photos, etc. He'll just think that you don't post much, but you'll still be FB friends.



Harriet Jones

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Re: Facebook friendships with strangers.
« Reply #6 on: October 22, 2013, 11:45:57 AM »
You can friend him and put him on the 'Restricted' list -- in theory, that means he only sees what you've made public.

*inviteseller

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Re: Facebook friendships with strangers.
« Reply #7 on: October 22, 2013, 12:08:27 PM »
I used to play some games on FB and friended some players so we could play with each other.  While they were just there ,we never talked to each other other than the game, and since I quit playing, most of us have just unfriended each other.  But, there are 2 women who I have grown to really like and now we talk alot on IM, share things with each other, and have supported each other through some life issues.  Sometimes you find a friend in an unlikely place.  And remember, it is FB..if it gets weird..unfriend and block.

audrey1962

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Re: Facebook friendships with strangers.
« Reply #8 on: October 22, 2013, 12:28:20 PM »
I've told people they can friend me and the only response I need to hear is "thanks." Once I've made the invitation it's up to the other person to accept it and I really don't get too worked up over why they may or may not accept my request. To me, it's almost a "mind your own business" attitude. Maybe they aren't on FB, maybe it's family only, maybe it's co-workers only, whatever. It's their FB and if they don't want to accept my invitation it doesn't hurt my feelings in the least nor does it impact our interactions in other venues.

KimodoDragon

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Re: Facebook friendships with strangers.
« Reply #9 on: October 22, 2013, 12:39:49 PM »
I just had this happen to me.

I play Ruzzle with random opponents.  Over the last 2 months, one opponent and I keep rematching each other and we send short messages within the game like, "great game" or "wow, good round".  He recently sent a message asking if we can friend each other on FB.  I told him while I enjoy our games, I keep my gamers and friends separate, so I will have to say no.

He said he understood and we are still playing great matches on Ruzzle.


sweetonsno

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Re: Facebook friendships with strangers.
« Reply #10 on: October 22, 2013, 05:55:13 PM »
I don't think there's anything wrong with just telling him that you don't usually add people who you don't know IRL, but as others have pointed out, you can pretty easily create a list that keeps most of your information private.

katycoo

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Re: Facebook friendships with strangers.
« Reply #11 on: October 22, 2013, 07:05:22 PM »
Some people enjoy interacting online with people they don't know personally.  Others don't.

I have FB friends with people I know from online forums such as here, and also FB strangers for gaming purposes only.  Those strangers are in a group on special settings so they can't see or comment on my wall or photos or whatever unless its gaming related.   They can PM me if they need to but generally speaking this association is mutual - there's no expectation of interaction.

Friend or don't, just do what makes FB most enjoyable for you.

bansidhe

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Re: Facebook friendships with strangers.
« Reply #12 on: October 22, 2013, 07:13:03 PM »
Have you had situations in which strangers have asked if you want to be FB friends?

Yep, several times. I declined two because we didn't have any friends in common and some of the stuff I could see on their profiles was a bit dubious. The rest of them I friended, figuring if they turned out to be obnoxious or worse I could just unfriend them. Like others have said, you can always restrict what they can see.

My latest random friend is a lady who lives in Jordan. She said she'd sent friend requests to multiple people because she wanted a friend in the US and wanted someone to practice English with. I was the only one who accepted her request. She's lots of fun to talk to and I've learned things about life in Jordan.

So far, I haven't had to unfriend anyone and it's been a positive experience. Of course, there is absolutely nothing wrong with telling Joe that you only friend people you know, too.
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ClaireC79

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Re: Facebook friendships with strangers.
« Reply #13 on: October 23, 2013, 09:27:51 AM »
I have a few facebook 'friends' who I play games with - my status is set up that they can't see my posts etc and they don't come up in my feeds

I have got a few from some groups on there who we were chatting with on the group, some of which I have met in real life since - they get 'normal' friend status

nayberry

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Re: Facebook friendships with strangers.
« Reply #14 on: October 23, 2013, 11:35:52 AM »
i have waaaayy too many fb friends and yes for gaming,  i also have rl friends and family, plus some people i met thro mmo's and have become friends with.

if i have anything important to say to someone i never use fb and i have a strict "post something racist or violent and you are out" policy

i also managed to get unfriended and have my comment on their status removed by posting a query re politics on someones status (USA related and i disagreed but put it politely with facts to back me up)