General Etiquette > Family and Children

Grievances and gift giving

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Olena:
Greetings all!

First time poster! A brief background: My DH and I had a baby earlier this year and needless to say we have quite a bit of stuff left over that our daughter either didn’t take to or outgrew. My SIL is currently pregnant with her second child and is due in December. We’ve given the majority of the baby’s items to charity but some of the more expensive items we’ve agreed to give to my SIL (she is aware of this). She and her husband moved to the US from the Middle East just over a year ago so many of the baby things from their first child were left behind.

This SIL is my DH’s brother’s wife. Without going in to much detail there has recently been a falling out between the family members on my DH’s side. Many words have been exchanged, feelings hurt, accusations made, etc. I have tried to stay completely out of it other than to listen to my DH and his father (my FIL is currently visiting us from the Middle East) complain.
 
Because of what transpired my DH now does not want to give my SIL any of the items we’ve essentially promised her. So, my question is this – when there is a grievance amongst friends/family, how does gift giving change (if at all)? Are we still obliged to give an individual items that were promised to them prior to the disagreement? I appreciate your thoughts and comments, thanks!

gollymolly2:
Unless you're planning to cut them off for life, I'd give them the stuff. If you don't give them the things you promised, it's just going to be another thing to be mad about.

Yvaine:

--- Quote from: gollymolly2 on October 29, 2013, 01:00:42 PM ---Unless you're planning to cut them off for life, I'd give them the stuff. If you don't give them the things you promised, it's just going to be another thing to be mad about.

--- End quote ---

This.

If I'm advising the prospective giver, I say keep your word and give her the stuff. If, instead, your SIL posted here, I'd tell her not to expect the stuff since you guys aren't getting along. I'd say be the bigger person.

Hmmmmm:

--- Quote from: Olena on October 29, 2013, 12:55:26 PM ---Greetings all!

First time poster! A brief background: My DH and I had a baby earlier this year and needless to say we have quite a bit of stuff left over that our daughter either didn’t take to or outgrew. My SIL is currently pregnant with her second child and is due in December. We’ve given the majority of the baby’s items to charity but some of the more expensive items we’ve agreed to give to my SIL (she is aware of this). She and her husband moved to the US from the Middle East just over a year ago so many of the baby things from their first child were left behind.

This SIL is my DH’s brother’s wife. Without going in to much detail there has recently been a falling out between the family members on my DH’s side. Many words have been exchanged, feelings hurt, accusations made, etc. I have tried to stay completely out of it other than to listen to my DH and his father (my FIL is currently visiting us from the Middle East) complain.
 
Because of what transpired my DH now does not want to give my SIL any of the items we’ve essentially promised her. So, my question is this – when there is a grievance amongst friends/family, how does gift giving change (if at all)? Are we still obliged to give an individual items that were promised to them prior to the disagreement? I appreciate your thoughts and comments, thanks!

--- End quote ---

I'm confused. Does your DH object to his brother use of these items for his brother's child?

If your DH has cut off all relationships with his brother than I doubt his brother or his SIL would expect to receive these items.

djinnidjream:
For me, I guess it would depend on the nature of the falling out.  Did SIL do something to offend DH or is he just getting second hand info from other family members and hopping on the hate SIL train because everyone else is?

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