So Hard Hat Swiper hadn't talked to me since I asked him last Thursday morning if he'd seen my hats. But this morning one of my coworkers walked into my office wearing her own pink hard hat as a joke, and he followed her into my office and said to me, "Is that your hat?!" I said no, it's hers. He said, "Did yours ever show up?"
I came within a hair of saying, Well, not unless you brought it back, but instead said, "No, and I'm sure they never will, but HR has ordered me a new one." And he said to me, "Oh! Who do I ask to get one? Because you know I told you my wife wants one of those."
I said, "Yeah, you mentioned that. Talk to HR." And then turned to my coworker and started talking about the work-related question she had for me, and he wandered out.
This guy, y'all! This guy has a lot of chutzpah. I'm loving all your comments and appreciating your feedback. Unfortunately locking my door won't do much good since our keys all fit each others' doors, and I don't want to mess with a camera for now. If something else goes missing I'll ask HR to change the locks, but I honestly don't think he'll steal anything else--he already got what he wanted! I did take home the one irreplaceable item in my office that I would be upset to lose, and I won't be leaving my (pink!) gym bag here overnight anymore.
My coworkers don't have much personal stuff in their offices either, and I know a couple of them took home some valuables they didn't want to lose. The HR lady said she might send out a warning email but it's not happened yet.