Author Topic: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?  (Read 5533 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

Millionaire Maria

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3354
  • Truth and Happiness create each other.
Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
« on: October 30, 2013, 01:12:27 AM »
Hey everyone,

So Dandy Man is two and a half right now and we just recently moved to a new community where we don't know any of our neighbors. Dandy Man has a peanut allergy (not life threatening). Last Halloween, we took him to three or four houses, of friends of ours, to show off how cute he was in his costume. All of our friends knew about the peanut allergy and chose to give him candy that didn't have peanuts in it. He didn't really understand what was going on, but was thrilled to get candy.

So this year, he's old enough to do some real trick or treating. I figured I'd take him up the street about two blocks and then bring him home. Just enough for a little dude. I'm actually really excited to introduce ourselves to some of our neighbors and I'm looking to make a good first impression.

Is there a polite way of conveying to the neighbors that Dandy won't be able to enjoy any treats with peanuts? This is a really nice neighborhood, and I'm anticipating him getting a lot of "the good stuff", which usually includes things like Snickers and Reese's Cups. Halloween candy is a gift, so I don't want to tell people what to give him, but I also don't want to have to take away half his candy when we get home. Are there any other parents out there that have dealt with this dilemma before? How have you handled it?
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

hannahmollysmom

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1282
Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
« Reply #1 on: October 30, 2013, 01:35:30 AM »
If you don't want to remove half his candy, then exchange it. Pick up some that he can have and "trade" him for it. Then take the exchanged candy to work. If it's anything like my job, it will be gone in a flash.

I really don't think you can say anything to the neighbors handing out candy. That would come across as too special. If all they have is candy with peanuts, will you let your son walk away empty handed?

Millionaire Maria

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3354
  • Truth and Happiness create each other.
Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
« Reply #2 on: October 30, 2013, 01:48:47 AM »
If you don't want to remove half his candy, then exchange it. Pick up some that he can have and "trade" him for it. Then take the exchanged candy to work. If it's anything like my job, it will be gone in a flash.

I really don't think you can say anything to the neighbors handing out candy. That would come across as too special. If all they have is candy with peanuts, will you let your son walk away empty handed?

Definitely not! Regardless of the situation, I would never be so rude as to refuse an offered gift. Unfortunately, I don't work, so the taking it to the office thing won't work.
People everywhere enjoy believing in things they know are not true. It spares them the ordeal of thinking for themselves and taking responsibility for what they know. –Brooks Atkinson

Danika

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1925
  • I'm not speeding. I'm qualifying.
Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
« Reply #3 on: October 30, 2013, 02:17:34 AM »
I would definitely not mention his allergy beforehand, because that might be all they have in the house anyway. And, I agree with the PP who said it'd be on the special snowflake side. Those folks might not want to then have to run to the store again just to get something peanut-free.

Just say thanks.

And hopefully go out, and return home early enough that you can quickly sort and hand out all the peanut candy to trick-or-treaters who come to your door.

I have a lot of food allergies (luckily, none of them life threatening is moderate or small doses) and so in situations like this, I don't say anything. However, if they were to invite you over for dinner sometime, that would be the time to warn them in advance. Or if they later asked you "How did your child like the peanut-coated candy apple that I got him?" You can be honest and say "Unfortunately, he's allergic to peanuts. So his father and I ate it and it was delicious. Thank you for the gift."

Danika

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1925
  • I'm not speeding. I'm qualifying.
Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2013, 02:20:09 AM »
Additionally, if you think your son will notice that a considerable chuck of candy has been taken away, you could buy him other candy (or something healthy, if you prefer) before you go out. And you can tell him "Because you are allergic to peanuts, there will be some I can't let you eat. So I bought you this to replace it."

And you can go through and take out the ones he can't have, and give him approved candy/treats that he can that you bought knowing that would happen.

Kiwichick

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1682
  • Is anyone else hungry now?
Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
« Reply #5 on: October 30, 2013, 06:28:28 AM »
If you don't want to remove half his candy, then exchange it. Pick up some that he can have and "trade" him for it. Then take the exchanged candy to work. If it's anything like my job, it will be gone in a flash.

I really don't think you can say anything to the neighbors handing out candy. That would come across as too special. If all they have is candy with peanuts, will you let your son walk away empty handed?

Definitely not! Regardless of the situation, I would never be so rude as to refuse an offered gift. Unfortunately, I don't work, so the taking it to the office thing won't work.

Then just swop it and throw the peanut candy away.

Runningstar

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 253
Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
« Reply #6 on: October 30, 2013, 06:41:01 AM »
My son is an adult now, but also has a peanut allergy and goes into anaphylactic shock if has any.
We always did the trade of candy when we got home and he still says that was the best part.
Quarters, dimes work also.
It is so much less stressful and you don't have to have the peanut discussion 30 times in one night
with strangers.

Harriet Jones

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6595
  • Yes, we know who you are.
Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
« Reply #7 on: October 30, 2013, 06:52:40 AM »
One family I know swaps out the candy the kids can't have with stuff they can have.

Runningstar

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 253
Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
« Reply #8 on: October 30, 2013, 07:45:00 AM »
I also wanted to say that the candy doesn't go bad in just a month or two - most of it is good for much longer than you think.
It can make for nice Christmas treats for family, and if it is in Halloween wrappers you can repackage it to give away.
I never throw it out, because in a month those who had too much candy will have then eaten it and now welcome it.
Just have to be careful not to contaminate your kitchen with the peanuts, I use wax paper and treat it carefully.

lowspark

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3816
Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
« Reply #9 on: October 30, 2013, 08:55:45 AM »
If they have several choices and let you choose, then you can choose a peanut-free item if it's available. Otherwise, I agree that you just accept whatever they throw in your bag and move on.

To me, the fun of Halloween is the trick-or-treating itself. Getting dressed up, going door to door, people giving you free stuff. It's a thrill! The candy is only the by-product. So if you de-emphasize the candy, your son will probably follow suit.

When my kids were little, there was no way I was going to let them consume all the candy they collected on Halloween. There was always mountains of it. I'd let them pick out their favorites and have a few that night and set aside some to take some in their school lunches the next few days and the rest would get hidden away. You'd be amazed at how quickly they completely forgot about it. Then I'd take the rest to work (if you don't work, maybe give it to your friend/neighbor to take to work or put it in the food-for-the-hungry bin or toss it at last resort).

So if you can just maintain control over which ones he does eat, especially at his age, he's probably going to have forgotten about the rest of it anyway within a couple of days at most.

Outdoor Girl

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 13648
Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
« Reply #10 on: October 30, 2013, 09:27:19 AM »
I think the swap is the way to go.  If you are able to choose at the outset, great but if not, swap out or 'buy' the candy he can't eat.

One of my coworkers used to pay his kids $20 for all the candy they had left the day after Hallowe'en.  Basically, they could eat what they wanted that day or the next but then gave up the rest of the candy.  They were the type of kids who wanted to hit as many houses as they could but he didn't want them eating all the junk.  It worked for them and he brought the candy into work for the rest of us.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
Ontario

cwm

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2427
Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
« Reply #11 on: October 30, 2013, 10:42:38 AM »
When I was young, I remember after Halloween my parents would have my sister and me go through all of our candy. We'd get to keep X pieces out that night, and after that we'd get up to Y pieces a day until it was gone. I think you could probably do this with your DS, telling him you don't want him to get sick from all the candy. Then when he goes to bed, switch out the candy he can't have with candy he can have so he has about the same amount. I guarantee you, unless he's keeping a list of how much of what candy he has, he probably won't notice at all.

What to do with his pilfered peanutty treats is up to you.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30477
Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
« Reply #12 on: October 30, 2013, 11:40:30 AM »
If there's a house where there is a choice, I think he can say, "Can I have the Hershey bar, please? I'm allergic to peanuts."

It would be a good thing in the world, to remind candy-giver-outers that this allergy exists. I know my MIL would want *every* kid who comes to her house to go away with candy that he doesn't have to swap. So if a kid said that to her this year, she'd probably make me go out and buy more plain chocolate or Jolly Rancher stuff so she could give that out. And next year she'd have some non-peanut candy.

You might also contact the local paper or radio station and say, "My kid has a peanut allergy, and we'd love to participate in a story that reminds your readers/listeners to remember this allergy if they are hoping to create a great Halloween for -every- kid. And to share some strategies for coping if you're like us."

NyaChan

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 4107
Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
« Reply #13 on: October 30, 2013, 12:04:36 PM »
I agree with the swapping idea - that way the burden of finding the peanut-free candy in the bowl or having to disappoint the child by saying you don't have peanut-free candy isn't on the neighbors.  Your kid gets the fun of trick-or-treating, you teach him which of the candies are ok to eat and which aren't when you are done, and he still gets the candy that other kids without the peanut allergy would get.

SCMagnolia

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 187
Re: Is There A Polite Way Of Conveying This Message?
« Reply #14 on: October 30, 2013, 01:56:01 PM »
He's two and a half, right?

He is not going to know or remember who gave him what candy, and it's way too much hassle and snowflakey to be telling every neighbor that hands out Reese's cups that he can't have them.  It's not like they'd be able to run to the store right then and buy something he *can* have, and they'd probably just feel bad for not having something on hand that he isn't allergic to, so the less fuss made, the better.

Besides, even if a candy does not have peanuts in it, it may have been made in a factory that also processes peanuts, so you might still have to scrap the Hershey's bars, etc if there's a chance they won't be safe for him, either. 

Just accept what the neighbors hand out, say thank you, and move on.  When you get home, go through the loot, pick out the stuff he can't have, and if you're afraid he is going to notice the difference between what he can and can't have, have some of his favorite candy/cookies/treats on hand to "trade."

The chance of him encountering foods he can't eat is always going to be there, so you could consider this part of the learning/teaching process of having a child with a severe allergy.