Author Topic: She is not good enough for you  (Read 6352 times)

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snugglegirl05

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She is not good enough for you
« on: October 30, 2013, 06:58:30 PM »
How would you repond to this response by an opposite sex friend regarding your girlfriend... she is not good enough for you.

Katana_Geldar

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Re: She is not good enough for you
« Reply #1 on: October 30, 2013, 07:00:05 PM »
Unless your girlfriend is particularly bad, they shouldn't really comment. You're dating the girl, not them.

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: She is not good enough for you
« Reply #2 on: October 30, 2013, 07:03:42 PM »
Depends on how good of a friend. My best friends are like my family, they look out for my best interests and if they told me that a girl I was dating wasn't good enough for me, I'd want to know why they thought that. Maybe they see something I don't, I'd assume their intentions were pure.

If it were a casual acquaintance who I thought might have a passing interest in me (or the girl I was dating...it has happened to me), I might be a bit more guarded. Though I'd still probably ask them why they thought that.

hobish

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Re: She is not good enough for you
« Reply #3 on: October 30, 2013, 07:18:24 PM »

No ... but she is bad enough  >:D

Just kidding. I really like GlitterIsMyDrug's approach there. Close friends can say things like that, sometimes.
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GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: She is not good enough for you
« Reply #4 on: October 30, 2013, 07:21:23 PM »

No ... but she is bad enough  >:D

Just kidding. I really like GlitterIsMyDrug's approach there. Close friends can say things like that, sometimes.

Forget what I said, go with that!

TurtleDove

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Re: She is not good enough for you
« Reply #5 on: October 30, 2013, 07:23:35 PM »
If this person is my friend, I value the opinion and would ask what specifically the friend does not like about my girlfriend. It would also matter how long I have known the friend (and the friend has known me) compared to how long I have been dating the girlfriend. In my experience, if my friends and family don't like my SO there is no hope for the relationship.

gollymolly2

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Re: She is not good enough for you
« Reply #6 on: October 30, 2013, 07:25:22 PM »
I think it can be appropriate for your friends to give you harsh feedback on your boyfriend/girlfriend if there are no ulterior motives. So if my good platonic friend told me that they thought my bf wasn't good enough for me, I would probably listen to their whole opinion, consider whether it's true, thank them for being honest with me, and tell them that I think my boyfriend is a good match for me so id appreciate it if they would try to be friendly with him.

If someone who I think is into me said something like that about my boyfriend, I would shut it down real quick.

I'm guessing based on your previous threads that this is the woman who is really close friends with your boyfriend.  And I'm guessing your boyfriend thinks it's no big deal? I realize I may be way off, but if that's the case, you should consider evaluating your relationship and whether it makes you happy.

snugglegirl05

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Re: She is not good enough for you
« Reply #7 on: October 30, 2013, 07:42:40 PM »

If someone who I think is into me said something like that about my boyfriend, I would shut it down real quick.

I'm guessing based on your previous threads that this is the woman who is really close friends with your boyfriend.  And I'm guessing your boyfriend thinks it's no big deal? I realize I may be way off, but if that's the case, you should consider evaluating your relationship and whether it makes you happy.

Actually it is someone entirely different. He is no longer friends with her for several reasons. She was into him, but he was not into her.

TurtleDove

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Re: She is not good enough for you
« Reply #8 on: October 30, 2013, 07:45:15 PM »
As with your other threads, OP, I get the sense your BF's friend group is very important to him but that the group doesn't like you and you don't like the group. I would really evaluate if the relationship is viable long term. It would not be fair to ask your BF to choose his friends or you.

blarg314

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Re: She is not good enough for you
« Reply #9 on: October 30, 2013, 07:46:51 PM »
It depends on who is giving the opinion.

If it's someone whose opinion I trust, and who I don't think has an ulterior motive (like having feelings for me themselves) I hope I would try to listen to their reasons, even if initial way of expressing them was not very tactful.  Sometimes friends or family can see things in a relationship that the participants have missed. I know that I've seen friends in relationships where I thought "You can do better than that!", not because of the person's job, or appearance, but because they were not a very nice person, or didn't treat my friend well, or were very demanding/high maintenance/needy/controlling/baggage laden/unfaithful etc. And, as an observer, I wasn't particularly influenced by their sexiness or a desire to rescue them or reform them.

If it's someone whose opinion I don't respect, I'd go with the "that's an interesting thing to say" response and bean dip. If I realize that someone is saying it because they regard my new SO as competition - I'll do the same, and distance myself from them for a while.

shhh its me

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Re: She is not good enough for you
« Reply #10 on: October 30, 2013, 08:02:40 PM »
  To me it does matter a little if the person saying it might be "friendzoned" but even if you never considered they might have a crush.

A good friend I'd ask "why do you think that?"  it may be real concern just different values , it may be change in personality/interests , you may not seem happy , friend could see something you don't,  friend may be platonicly  jealous , SO may have rubbed friend the wrong way or friend may just be a little mean.

Hmmmmm

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Re: She is not good enough for you
« Reply #11 on: October 30, 2013, 08:36:09 PM »
How would you repond to this response by an opposite sex friend regarding your girlfriend... she is not good enough for you.

If the friend told me that they did not believe my dating companion was good enough for me, I'd either tell them that was a horrible thing to say. Or if it was someone who I truly valued their opinion and knew them to be normally a kind and open person, I'd ask why that believed that.

TurtleDove

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Re: She is not good enough for you
« Reply #12 on: October 30, 2013, 08:40:10 PM »
OP, how did your BF respond? And why did he share his friend's negative opinion of you with you?

Tea Drinker

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Re: She is not good enough for you
« Reply #13 on: October 30, 2013, 11:37:22 PM »
If it was that general, I would probably say something like "if you feel that way, it's a good thing you aren't dating her."

If there was a specific reason, I would ask "how do you know that?/what makes you think that?" Something like "she's a mooch" is a specific accusation, that I would expect to be backed up with examples. "Well, she made my friend so-and-so really unhappy" is useless unless the person can explain what actions made their friend unhappy: maybe they're just a bad match, for reasons that wouldn't apply to me.
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Allyson

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Re: She is not good enough for you
« Reply #14 on: October 31, 2013, 12:51:44 AM »
I really dislike the phrase "good enough" because it implies there are 'levels' and one should only date someone who's at your 'level', and if you manage to 'date up' then you've accomplished something great but your partner is settling. It's sort of like "you could do better", wherein it implies that I would/should dump my (for example) boyfriend for someone who makes more money, or that a guy should/would dump his girlfriend for someone more conventionally attractive.

I feel like there are so much better ways to phrase it if the question is about a partner treating them badly or taking advantage, or just incompatibiity. "Hey, you haven't really seemed yourself since you got together with Lisa, is everything OK?" I just think coming at it from the point of view of asking whether the relationship between the two is OK is better than questioning the intrinsic value of the other person.