Author Topic: An update on the uninvited wedding guests  (Read 3988 times)

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LadyL

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An update on the uninvited wedding guests
« on: October 31, 2013, 06:53:52 PM »
I'm not sure if I posted about it here, but several months ago my future MIL invited a bunch of LordL's relatives to the wedding without running it by us. Obviously we were upset, particularly since these are people he hasn't seen in 12 or more years and who I've never met in the 9+ years we've dated. But the reports from MIL were that everyone was SO EXCITED to be included, and they were already planning who would carpool with who, and we felt it wasn't a hill to die on - so we invited them. All told it added 15 people to our invite list.

Well, we have now finalized the guest list. Here's how it played out. I heard from ONE household from that group (so on behalf of 2 of the 15 people). They called to RSVP no and sent a card and a generous gift. From everyone else? It's been radio silence. We've gotten a bunch of second hand information from MIL that so and so *might* come, so and so is having medical issues so likely won't, etc. but none of them ever actually contacted me. They live far enough away that I don't expect them to show up without having RSVP'd, so it's not a big deal and overall I'm not surprised. They were probably wondering why they were being invited to a wedding for such distant relatives. I just hope they didn't think it was a gift grab.

Oh, and the relatives MIL swore would send "a VERY nice  gift" but not actually come? Yeah they didn't RSVP either and no gifts have arrived (not that I was expecting/feeling entitled to any but she put a lot of emphasis on how generous she expected them to be).

All in all, I'm glad that most of the people coming are ones who I've had active relationships with in the recent past. It will be nice to see familiar faces during the ceremony instead of wondering "hmm, I wonder who that group is!"

Luci

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Re: An update on the uninvited wedding guests
« Reply #1 on: October 31, 2013, 07:33:24 PM »
May I please have your future MIL's address or phone number? I would love to come to your wedding if it is at the right time when we are planning a vacation. Maybe we could make up for some of the No-Shows and No- Promised-Gifts?  :D

It really does sound like a small intimate wedding. I admire your spine from the earlier posts. I kind of feel sorry for the F-MIL. Trying to take over and being contantly roadblocked.

And yet, I was firm like you many years ago (in the late 60s), so I surely admire you for setting up bounderies.

Oh, yes. Thank you for the update!

oogyda

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Re: An update on the uninvited wedding guests
« Reply #2 on: October 31, 2013, 08:26:54 PM »
I don't think you should expect an RSVP from people you have not sent an invitation too.  Your MIL may be a complete rube, but the others may have enough good sense to realize that since a formal invitation has not followed the verbal one by a third party, they must not be invited. 

No invitation means I have nothing to RSVP to and no need to send a gift.
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.

TootsNYC

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Re: An update on the uninvited wedding guests
« Reply #3 on: October 31, 2013, 09:07:46 PM »
I don't think you should expect an RSVP from people you have not sent an invitation too.  Your MIL may be a complete rube, but the others may have enough good sense to realize that since a formal invitation has not followed the verbal one by a third party, they must not be invited. 

No invitation means I have nothing to RSVP to and no need to send a gift.

Except that LadyL wrote:

Quote
All told it added 15 people to our invite list.

I took that to mean they had *sent* a formal invitation.

(I thought I remembered that she felt she had to send it, since MIL's big mouth had committed her.)

citadelle

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Re: An update on the uninvited wedding guests
« Reply #4 on: October 31, 2013, 09:33:48 PM »
I think the thread title may have caused a bit of confusion, since they were called "uninvited" guests in the title. However, it seems the guests were, in fact, invited.

cicero

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Re: An update on the uninvited wedding guests
« Reply #5 on: November 01, 2013, 05:34:52 AM »
I don't think you should expect an RSVP from people you have not sent an invitation too.  Your MIL may be a complete rube, but the others may have enough good sense to realize that since a formal invitation has not followed the verbal one by a third party, they must not be invited. 

No invitation means I have nothing to RSVP to and no need to send a gift.
I also assumed that Lady L invited them officially - Lady L could you clarify? If you did in fact send them an invitation, there is nothing wrong with * you* ( as in you and /or DF, but not fmil) calling and asking. These days it seems that many people don't RSVP and it's fine to call.

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LadyL

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Re: An update on the uninvited wedding guests
« Reply #6 on: November 01, 2013, 11:24:21 AM »
I don't think you should expect an RSVP from people you have not sent an invitation too.  Your MIL may be a complete rube, but the others may have enough good sense to realize that since a formal invitation has not followed the verbal one by a third party, they must not be invited. 

No invitation means I have nothing to RSVP to and no need to send a gift.
I also assumed that Lady L invited them officially - Lady L could you clarify? If you did in fact send them an invitation, there is nothing wrong with * you* ( as in you and /or DF, but not fmil) calling and asking. These days it seems that many people don't RSVP and it's fine to call.

Yes we mailed out invites. I hesitated on the title but couldn't think of a succinct way to say "the guest whose invitations were unauthorized" or something to that effect.

We have a total of 125 people coming (including the 8 piece band who are friends of ours, and the friends who volunteered to help as staff) which I am very happy about. Our original aim was to have 100-120. It was a big challenge as there are nearly 40 people just between my dad's brothers and sisters and my cousins. At one point I changed all the rental contracts to accommodate up to 145 but thankfully it worked out how we hoped in the end.

oogyda

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Re: An update on the uninvited wedding guests
« Reply #7 on: November 01, 2013, 11:40:13 AM »
I apologize.   I read that the MIL invited them and it didn't sink in that Lady and LordL had also sent them invitations.
It's not what we gather along the way that matters.  It's what we scatter.