General Etiquette > Etiquette Hell Classics

Serenity Now (story 1 of 5 from old board)


Let me just take a deep breath and say oh my goodness. Dh's cousin, Christy, has recently turned 19 years old. Christy moved out of her mom's house a year ago (before she finished high school), and moved in with her dad. She then finished high school and moved in with this guy she just met. Christy has no job, no plans to go to college, and the guy she lives with makes a living but doesn't actually speak English. Christy doesn't speak the language he speaks either. Well this morning I got an email from Christy's older sister (by 2 years) Mary.

Mary let only some female relatives know that Christy is pregnant (due in May) and getting married to NON-ENGLISH SPEAKING BOY (no one knows his name, and no one has actually met him - more than a brief hello, without actual introduction). Mary invited the few relatives she emailed to a wedding shower/pre-wedding celebration. I told Mary I won't be able to make it, since DH has class that night and I don't have a sitter for DD and it takes 1.5 hours to drive out there each way. I asked for Christy's mailing address and her fiancee's name so I can send her a card.

My real question comes up now, it's about Thanksigiving. We're attending with this side of the family, it's hosted by DH's aunt. I know criticism will come over Christy and her decisions. (FWIW I don't agree with them, because Christy is incredibly immature. She just got a boob job and barely finished high and has no real life goals.) I'm just waiting for Dh and myself to get dragged into the matter. I know we're going to be try to be made an example of, or something.

Dh and I got pregnant when I was 19, we were both in college and engaged at the time and had been dating about a year. I took a break from school and we got married in December. DD was born in October. I went to work in January and have been supporting us and putting Dh through college. He graduates in May. We're coming up on our two year wedding anniversary and are very happy. I know how lucky we are, since many people who get married young don't often have things work out.

I just really don't want people to try to compare our situation with Christy's at Thanksgiving. I just don't want to get involved in it. I will be supportive and kind to Christy, because that's the way I'd want to be treated. I'm going to try to see if we can't get together, to hang out some, since I'm sure she could use a friend right now. I just wish I knew how to politely and tactfully diffuse any comparisons at Thanksgiving, because I don't want to get into it. It may not be totally fair, but of what I've seen of Christy she doesn't seem mature enough to be a mom yet. She was too flaky to accept/keep a nannying job for us over the summer or even take care of herself. I just don't want to be compared with her or wind up saying something awful about Christy in our defense. This is just such a sticky situation.


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