Author Topic: "You know what you should do..." and other bits of useless advice...  (Read 6256 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

spookycatlady

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 390

Please save me from the givers of unsolicited advice.

Iíve lost a significant amount of weight and am still working towards my ultimate goal of a healthy BMI and physical fitness.  It is hard work. When the weight loss became noticeable, people started giving me adviceÖ on how to lose weight.

Iím not making up any of these blurbs.

Random Person: You look great!  Whatís your secret?
Me: Eating less and exercising.
Random Person: You should try Jenny Craig.
Me:  :o

Random Person2: Wow! Youíre melting away!  Whatís your secret?
Me: Eating less and exercising.
Random Person2: You should try fibre supplements instead of meals!
Me:  :o

Random Person3: Are you working out?
Me: Yes, I run 5k pretty much every day.
Random Person3: You should try walking.
Me:  :o

Can someone please explain to me why people feel compelled to tell me how to do something, when Iím quite visibly successful at what Iím doing in the moment?  I donít react much beyond, ďHuh.  Food for thought.  Bean dip?Ē  For the record, I'm not initiating the conversation, nor volunteering anything.  People just seem to think that they have a right to information about my physicality.  Probably because it's visible, therefore public?

What about you?  What kind of ridiculous things have people suggested to you?  The kind of things where the questioner isnít necessarily being out right, but you donít really have a genuine polite answer?

Venus193

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 15862
  • Backstage passes are wonderful things!
Re: "You know what you should do..." and other bits of useless advice...
« Reply #1 on: November 04, 2013, 03:12:35 PM »
I would be tempted to say "The word 'should' is not used with Queens."

Seriously, though.  They are insecure that you are being successful at something they aren't.  I would immediately change the subject.

BeagleMommy

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3069
Re: "You know what you should do..." and other bits of useless advice...
« Reply #2 on: November 04, 2013, 03:19:06 PM »
I have been diabetic for 47 of my 48 years.  I have been relatively problem free because I take care of myself and treat myself once in a while (all with my doctor's approval).

Everytime I get "Well, you really need to watch your carbs/not eat sugar/take your medicine the right way." I'm tempted to say "Thanks, I'm amazed I've lived this long with it without your sage advice."

But I don't.

TootsNYC

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 30507
Re: "You know what you should do..." and other bits of useless advice...
« Reply #3 on: November 04, 2013, 03:23:37 PM »
People really do say stupid stuff sometimes, don't they?

Pen^2

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1107
Re: "You know what you should do..." and other bits of useless advice...
« Reply #4 on: November 04, 2013, 03:24:58 PM »
Beandip. Or, give them an odd/funny look as though they've just said the inappropriate thing (like, you know, what they've actually just said) before beandipping.

I can't stand this sort of thing either. It's just inappropriate, no matter what the reason for doing it is. A lot of topics somehow generate more unsolicited advice than others, and health is unfortunately one of them. Weight loss and pregnancy in particular.

I was caught in a rainstorm the other day while walking home, and got completely and utterly drenched. It was as though I'd jumped in a swimming pool, fully clothed, and done a few laps. So there I was, running to get out of the wet, and ended up standing in the elevator to get up to my floor while looking like a pathetic drowned rat.

There was another person in the elevator. After seeing my rather unusual state, I was told, "You should bring an umbrella next time you go out."

I was very tempted to say, "Oh, really? An umbrella, you say? Wow, I never thought of that! I saw the rain and just decided to go out without one! It's sitting at home all these years and I just didn't know what it was for at all! But now I'll be fine because I know to bring an umbrella when it's raining! Oh, thank whatever gods may be that you have given me this wonderful pearl of wisdom! Bring an umbrella! Huh! Who'd have thought? Certainly not me! The whole time I was getting rained on, it never crossed my mind!" etc. ad nauseam. I'm not normally tempted to be this sarcastic, but I was in a bit of a state and not very tolerant of stupid statements.

At any rate, I didn't say anything except "Mmm," while raising an eyebrow all the way up.

siamesecat2965

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8662
Re: "You know what you should do..." and other bits of useless advice...
« Reply #5 on: November 04, 2013, 03:28:18 PM »

Please save me from the givers of unsolicited advice.

Iíve lost a significant amount of weight and am still working towards my ultimate goal of a healthy BMI and physical fitness.  It is hard work. When the weight loss became noticeable, people started giving me adviceÖ on how to lose weight.

Iím not making up any of these blurbs.

Random Person: You look great!  Whatís your secret?
Me: Eating less and exercising.
Random Person: You should try Jenny Craig.
Me:  :o

Random Person2: Wow! Youíre melting away!  Whatís your secret?
Me: Eating less and exercising.
Random Person2: You should try fibre supplements instead of meals!
Me:  :o

Random Person3: Are you working out?
Me: Yes, I run 5k pretty much every day.
Random Person3: You should try walking.
Me:  :o

Can someone please explain to me why people feel compelled to tell me how to do something, when Iím quite visibly successful at what Iím doing in the moment?  I donít react much beyond, ďHuh.  Food for thought.  Bean dip?Ē  For the record, I'm not initiating the conversation, nor volunteering anything.  People just seem to think that they have a right to information about my physicality.  Probably because it's visible, therefore public?

What about you?  What kind of ridiculous things have people suggested to you?  The kind of things where the questioner isnít necessarily being out right, but you donít really have a genuine polite answer?

Also related to weight loss. BG: my cousin has struggled with her weight forever. You name it, she's tried it. Pretty much every "fad" weight loss thing and then some, except for good old diet and exercise. end BG

She told me if I stopped drinking caffeine, aka my morning and other coffee, "the weight would drop right off" Uh huh. I told her the day I give up my coffee is when they pry it from my cold dead hand. So not happening.

I'm doing WW at work, albeit not too seriously, and have lost some, but still have a long way to go. I also work 2 jobs, so i have very little time for exercise which I despise to begin with. I can't stand it when people try and tell me I neeeeeed to make time for it. Yeah, I'll get right on that. I know that but until I'm good and ready, it ain't happening.

And finally, my boss, on a myriad of ocassions. He seems to think that restating the obvious is the way to go. I'll say I have a long list of comments on an issue we need to cover in our daily pub. In spite of me knowing this and doing it, he will still say to me "just 3 good ones" well, no kidding, but I still have to find, save, upload and link each and every one! I KNOW i only have to summarize a few but that doesn't mean I get to ignore th erest!

PeterM

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3317
Re: "You know what you should do..." and other bits of useless advice...
« Reply #6 on: November 04, 2013, 07:48:35 PM »
There was another person in the elevator. After seeing my rather unusual state, I was told, "You should bring an umbrella next time you go out."

"It also helps if you breathe in and out on a regular schedule. Oh, and try not to hit yourself in the head with a hammer too often. Trust me on that."

Not really the same thing, but it reminds me of that episode of Friends where Ross was desperate to get  Emily to take him back and asked everyone for advice.

Joey: "I'll tell you what I think, but you won't like it."
Ross: "I don't care. Anything at all, I want to hear it."
Joey: "You got married too quickly."
Ross: "Joey, that's not advice."
Joey: "I told you you wouldn't like it!"

All that said, I do give advice much like that to my friends and loved ones all the time. If my wife stubs her toe and starts swearing, I'll helpfully tell her, "You really shouldn't do that," or something similar. Sometimes I don't even get hit!

HGolightly

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 146
Re: "You know what you should do..." and other bits of useless advice...
« Reply #7 on: November 04, 2013, 07:52:09 PM »
It is amazing how many people have had the cure for my colitis. I think I  might stick with my doctors rather than take the advice from magazines at the grocery store checkout.

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10957
Re: "You know what you should do..." and other bits of useless advice...
« Reply #8 on: November 04, 2013, 08:14:42 PM »
There was another person in the elevator. After seeing my rather unusual state, I was told, "You should bring an umbrella next time you go out."

"It also helps if you breathe in and out on a regular schedule. Oh, and try not to hit yourself in the head with a hammer too often. Trust me on that."

Not really the same thing, but it reminds me of that episode of Friends where Ross was desperate to get  Emily to take him back and asked everyone for advice.

Joey: "I'll tell you what I think, but you won't like it."
Ross: "I don't care. Anything at all, I want to hear it."
Joey: "You got married too quickly."
Ross: "Joey, that's not advice."
Joey: "I told you you wouldn't like it!"

All that said, I do give advice much like that to my friends and loved ones all the time. If my wife stubs her toe and starts swearing, I'll helpfully tell her, "You really shouldn't do that," or something similar. Sometimes I don't even get hit!

You and my DH.  If I accidentally run into something or whack an extremity on something he says "Well don't do that." Course he doesn't like it when I give him the same response.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

cabbagegirl28

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1166
  • violinp's my sister :)
    • My Fitness/Singing Blog
Re: "You know what you should do..." and other bits of useless advice...
« Reply #9 on: November 04, 2013, 08:28:06 PM »
There was another person in the elevator. After seeing my rather unusual state, I was told, "You should bring an umbrella next time you go out."

"It also helps if you breathe in and out on a regular schedule. Oh, and try not to hit yourself in the head with a hammer too often. Trust me on that."

Not really the same thing, but it reminds me of that episode of Friends where Ross was desperate to get  Emily to take him back and asked everyone for advice.

Joey: "I'll tell you what I think, but you won't like it."
Ross: "I don't care. Anything at all, I want to hear it."
Joey: "You got married too quickly."
Ross: "Joey, that's not advice."
Joey: "I told you you wouldn't like it!"

All that said, I do give advice much like that to my friends and loved ones all the time. If my wife stubs her toe and starts swearing, I'll helpfully tell her, "You really shouldn't do that," or something similar. Sometimes I don't even get hit!

You and my DH.  If I accidentally run into something or whack an extremity on something he says "Well don't do that." Course he doesn't like it when I give him the same response.

Dad does that, but only in situations like this:
Me: *stretches myself a little too far* Owwww!
Dad: Well, don't do that!


"To study and practice the goodness of life, the beauty of art, the meaning of music...To speak the words that build, that bless and comfort...And again, to practice./This is to be our symphony."

Piratelvr1121

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 10957
Re: "You know what you should do..." and other bits of useless advice...
« Reply #10 on: November 04, 2013, 08:38:28 PM »
One day I was taking the piratebabe for a walk and as it was chilly out, I had put his coat on but hadn't bothered with the hood because it wasn't too windy and he usually pushes hoods back anyway.  This woman walks past us and said "You need to put his hood up."

I smiled and said "He won't keep it up." Well she kept walking despite giving a lecture to me about how I'm the parent, I should force the issue, how else is he going to learn, etc. etc.  Nevermind that at some point she was far enough ahead of me that I couldn't even understand what she was talking about, but I could still hear her talking out loud.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

*inviteseller

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1821
  • I am Queen Mommy
Re: "You know what you should do..." and other bits of useless advice...
« Reply #11 on: November 04, 2013, 10:12:19 PM »
Pregnancy and motherhood brings out the advice queens like nothing else!  It takes everything in my power to keep my sarcastic rebuttals to these people to myself.  My youngest DD was born with a heart condition that was diagnosed at 6 days old.  We were at all sorts of specialists offices weekly.  I was on my way to one on the bus (I don't drive, plus she was only 2 weeks so I would not have been able to yet) and some lady comes up to me and tells me, in a sugary condescending voice "Honey, that baby is NOT to be out before she is 6 weeks old!  You could damage her."  I just smiled (probably more of a sneer) and said her cardiologist didn't do house calls, so we had to be out and about.  She then said in her day babies were NOT taken out till they were baptized.  I remarked as I got up to get off the bus "Good thing that is no longer a custom or she would be house bound all her life."   The look was priceless and made the bus driver chuckle. 

KenveeB

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 8460
Re: "You know what you should do..." and other bits of useless advice...
« Reply #12 on: November 04, 2013, 10:51:17 PM »
Ohhh yes, OP, I could've written this! I've lost 80 pounds in the past year, doing Weight Watchers and good old fashioned exercise. I get these kind of comments all the time. The worst is from my cousin, who's started selling some kind of weight loss shakes and is just convinced I need to take them. I want to be really snarky, but I try to confine myself to "I'm happy with what I'm doing" or "I've got it handled, thanks."

Library Dragon

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1408
Re: "You know what you should do..." and other bits of useless advice...
« Reply #13 on: November 04, 2013, 10:58:57 PM »
Pregnancy and motherhood brings out the advice queens like nothing else!  It takes everything in my power to keep my sarcastic rebuttals to these people to myself.  My youngest DD was born with a heart condition that was diagnosed at 6 days old.  We were at all sorts of specialists offices weekly.  I was on my way to one on the bus (I don't drive, plus she was only 2 weeks so I would not have been able to yet) and some lady comes up to me and tells me, in a sugary condescending voice "Honey, that baby is NOT to be out before she is 6 weeks old!  You could damage her."  I just smiled (probably more of a sneer) and said her cardiologist didn't do house calls, so we had to be out and about.  She then said in her day babies were NOT taken out till they were baptized.  I remarked as I got up to get off the bus "Good thing that is no longer a custom or she would be house bound all her life."   The look was priceless and made the bus driver chuckle.

She would have been scarred for life to know we went out to eat with both DSs on the way home from the hospital.

The unsolicited advice is one reason I stopped going to gyms.

Person A: you need to up your weights and lower your reps.
Person B: you need to lower your weights and up your reps.
Person C: don't elevate the treadmill, increase the speed.
Person D: don't increase your speed, elevate the treadmill.

Arghhh.  See these head phones? It means don't talk to me!

Now, if I just regularly used my treadmill here at home.

            Created by MyFitnessPal.com - Free Calorie Counter

Slartibartfast

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 11664
    • Nerdy Necklaces - my Etsy shop!
Re: "You know what you should do..." and other bits of useless advice...
« Reply #14 on: November 05, 2013, 12:09:13 AM »
A friend of mine is single (mostly by choice), after coming off a long-but-awkward on-again off-again relationship with her ex.  She likes having her freedom and, while having a guy around has certain benefits, she's perfectly happy enjoying those benefits without the trappings of a "serious relationship" right now.  Unfortunately, her family doesn't seem to understand that one can *want* to be single.  Among their advice:

1) You have to grow out your hair.  Nobody will want to date you with short hair like that; they'll assume you're a lesbian!  (It's chin-length.)

2) You need to shave your legs more often or nobody will ever marry you.

3) You should get rid of your two pet cats.  Nobody wants to marry a woman who has a cat.

4) You need to learn to talk less.  You have too many opinions, and men don't like hearing opinions.

5) You shouldn't read so much.  Real women don't read.

I forget what some of the others are, but it's a LOOOOONG list.  The funny thing is, they're not from a particularly religious conservative background or anything - her female relatives just have absolutely no boundaries when it comes to giving relationship advice  :-\  I really don't think my single-by-choice, brilliant, feminist, geeky, and extroverted friend would like any of these "nice guys" her family keeps expecting her to marry  :P