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Author Topic: Fill out your thank you envelope?  (Read 16202 times)

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TurtleDove

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #30 on: November 04, 2013, 05:52:15 PM »
*Disclaimer* of course this is tacky....

I wouldn't want to causes done I care about additional work just for the principal of the matter so, to me, it would be silly to be okay writing my address in a guest book but outraged to write it on an envelope. I always feel that if I like someone and care about them enough to attend the shower, who cares about silly tacky details? They are my friend!

Surianne

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #31 on: November 04, 2013, 05:54:35 PM »
I haven't encountered this but I have zero problem with it and would be happy to write down my address. 

I'll have to spend time giving my address to someone anyway -- whether the guest of honour or the shower host emails me or calls me for it, it probably takes less of my time to simply write it at the shower than it would to reply to that email or return that phone message.

Most people I know who are at the baby/bridal shower age tend to move frequently (lots of graduate students), so I'd never assume they know my address already.  I've also never received a mailed shower invitation.  It's always been handed to me in person, relayed over the phone, or emailed.  So the hostess wouldn't have had my mailing address to start with.

But I think most people wouldn't mind writing it down on, say, a guest book, and then having the GOH copy it from that. This isn't a matter of having vs. not having the addresses. Having the guests fill out the actual envelope they will receive is like saying "I can't even be bothered to copy your address even if I do have it." It's cutting out that one step of effort that's tacky.

Yes, I do recognize that other people are bothered by it -- lots of posters in this thread have said it's very tacky, and some have even said they'd refuse to do.  I'm just speaking of my personal feelings.  I'd have no problem with writing my address on an envelope. 

To me what's important is the content of the thank you card/note, not how many hours the guest of honour spent addressing envelopes.  I'd rather she use the time to give me an update in the note itself.

Oh Joy

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #32 on: November 04, 2013, 05:57:30 PM »
And from an introspective view, I find it interesting that I'm somehow more bothered by being voluntold by the hostess than if the GOH were to ask me herself.  Will have to chew on that.

Yvaine

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #33 on: November 04, 2013, 06:00:42 PM »
*Disclaimer* of course this is tacky....

I wouldn't want to causes done I care about additional work just for the principal of the matter so, to me, it would be silly to be okay writing my address in a guest book but outraged to write it on an envelope. I always feel that if I like someone and care about them enough to attend the shower, who cares about silly tacky details? They are my friend!

Here's the thing, though. We're not just talking to potential guests on this forum, we're also talking to potential hosts. People look up old threads from here for advice on their own events. And this is an etiquette forum, not a Stuff That Bothers TurtleDove forum. To guests, I think most of us would say, forgive the tackiness, don't be outraged, some people just don't know etiquette rules.

But to any future hosts reading this thread, it's important to know that it does in fact break an etiquette rule, and it might piss off Distant Aunt Whozit who doesn't know your spotless intentions. Yes, we don't always have to stand on ceremony with our nearest and dearest, but we're all going to attend social events during our lives with people we know less well, and that's why we have etiquette--to smooth our interactions when we don't know each other well enough to totally let loose yet.

TootsNYC

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #34 on: November 04, 2013, 06:02:51 PM »
And from an introspective view, I find it interesting that I'm somehow more bothered by being voluntold by the hostess than if the GOH were to ask me herself.  Will have to chew on that.

Hmmm.
Maybe because you're thinking, "Hey, you did the invites; can't you do the addresses? If you think this is such a great favor to do for her, YOU do it!" ?


I think I'd actually rather it come from the hostess, bcs I can roll my eyes at her. And do it, figuring that it's just easier than making a stink. And she's not personally benefitting from it.
   but if it was the GOH, I'd be sort of insulted, because then it really *would* be saying "I can't be bothered writing out your address, but I'm happy to take your gift."

Hmmmmm

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #35 on: November 04, 2013, 06:12:31 PM »
*Disclaimer* of course this is tacky....

I wouldn't want to causes done I care about additional work just for the principal of the matter so, to me, it would be silly to be okay writing my address in a guest book but outraged to write it on an envelope. I always feel that if I like someone and care about them enough to attend the shower, who cares about silly tacky details? They are my friend!

To me there is a difference in writing it down in a guest book and writing it on a envelope. With the first, I'm providing  information for future reference. On the second I'm, I'm just saving her or him work. And I'm really suprised that for a wedding shower the couple doesn't have the address anyway since they would have the need to mail a wedding invitation.

hobish

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #36 on: November 04, 2013, 06:32:02 PM »
*Disclaimer* of course this is tacky....

I wouldn't want to causes done I care about additional work just for the principal of the matter so, to me, it would be silly to be okay writing my address in a guest book but outraged to write it on an envelope. I always feel that if I like someone and care about them enough to attend the shower, who cares about silly tacky details? They are my friend!

To me there is a difference in writing it down in a guest book and writing it on a envelope. With the first, I'm providing  information for future reference. On the second I'm, I'm just saving her or him work. And I'm really suprised that for a wedding shower the couple doesn't have the address anyway since they would have the need to mail a wedding invitation.

That will be next. "Ok, just fill this envelope out for the GOH for the thank you notes. And this one for the wedding invitation. And this one for that thank you note. Christmas will be here soon. Be a dear and address this one, too."   ;) :P
It's alright, man. I'm only bleeding, man. Stay hungry, stay free, and do the best you can.
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Yvaine

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #37 on: November 04, 2013, 06:33:55 PM »
*Disclaimer* of course this is tacky....

I wouldn't want to causes done I care about additional work just for the principal of the matter so, to me, it would be silly to be okay writing my address in a guest book but outraged to write it on an envelope. I always feel that if I like someone and care about them enough to attend the shower, who cares about silly tacky details? They are my friend!

To me there is a difference in writing it down in a guest book and writing it on a envelope. With the first, I'm providing  information for future reference. On the second I'm, I'm just saving her or him work. And I'm really suprised that for a wedding shower the couple doesn't have the address anyway since they would have the need to mail a wedding invitation.

That will be next. "Ok, just fill this envelope out for the GOH for the thank you notes. And this one for the wedding invitation. And this one for that thank you note. Christmas will be here soon. Be a dear and address this one, too."   ;) :P

Maybe they can at least find a way to incorporate carbon paper and save the guests some work.  ;D

StoutGirl

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #38 on: November 04, 2013, 06:54:37 PM »
I have been finding that this is a growing trend around here, ugh!  I will give a pass to the guest of honor in this situation, since she seemed to genuinely have nothing to do with it.  At least she did not hand out the envelopes and then complain about her hand hurting from all the TY notes that she had to write for wedding gifts, which is what my cousin's wife did at her baby shower.  I was all like  :o   ::)  !

LeveeWoman

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #39 on: November 04, 2013, 06:56:43 PM »
*Disclaimer* of course this is tacky....

I wouldn't want to causes done I care about additional work just for the principal of the matter so, to me, it would be silly to be okay writing my address in a guest book but outraged to write it on an envelope. I always feel that if I like someone and care about them enough to attend the shower, who cares about silly tacky details? They are my friend!

To me there is a difference in writing it down in a guest book and writing it on a envelope. With the first, I'm providing  information for future reference. On the second I'm, I'm just saving her or him work. And I'm really suprised that for a wedding shower the couple doesn't have the address anyway since they would have the need to mail a wedding invitation.

That will be next. "Ok, just fill this envelope out for the GOH for the thank you notes. And this one for the wedding invitation. And this one for that thank you note. Christmas will be here soon. Be a dear and address this one, too."   ;) :P

Maybe they can at least find a way to incorporate carbon paper and save the guests some work.  ;D

Or, have everyone bring a sheet of pre-printed address labels!

Zizi-K

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #40 on: November 04, 2013, 08:13:49 PM »
I think having the shower guests fill out their address is one of those things that is pretty tacky if you think about it. However, most of the time they make it in to a game for which you can win prizes, and I generally prefer not to think hard to find offense. It is virtually never the honoree that makes this request, but rather well-intentioned hostesses. So, I do it and move on to thinking about the many lovely things about the shower instead.

Surianne

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #41 on: November 04, 2013, 09:43:47 PM »
*Disclaimer* of course this is tacky....

I wouldn't want to causes done I care about additional work just for the principal of the matter so, to me, it would be silly to be okay writing my address in a guest book but outraged to write it on an envelope. I always feel that if I like someone and care about them enough to attend the shower, who cares about silly tacky details? They are my friend!

Here's the thing, though. We're not just talking to potential guests on this forum, we're also talking to potential hosts. People look up old threads from here for advice on their own events. And this is an etiquette forum, not a Stuff That Bothers TurtleDove forum. To guests, I think most of us would say, forgive the tackiness, don't be outraged, some people just don't know etiquette rules.

But to any future hosts reading this thread, it's important to know that it does in fact break an etiquette rule, and it might piss off Distant Aunt Whozit who doesn't know your spotless intentions. Yes, we don't always have to stand on ceremony with our nearest and dearest, but we're all going to attend social events during our lives with people we know less well, and that's why we have etiquette--to smooth our interactions when we don't know each other well enough to totally let loose yet.

I won't speak for TurtleDove, but since I posted similar opinions, I'd like to say that I was treating this as a discussion forum, where various opinions are allowed, as long as we're respectful--and I hope that you might dial down the condescension a bit and try to be respectful of our opinions as well. 

Etiquette does evolve over time, and I think it's completely reasonable to share what doesn't offend us, as much as what does.  If we were to see in this thread that 90% of posters thought the envelope addressing practice was perfectly okay, then it would make sense for that rule to begin to change. 

Similarly, one of the things I find most useful about this board is to see just how much etiquette varies in different countries and social circles.  It helps me to put aside my anger or embarrassment at something I see as horribly rude when I learn that someone else feels there's a perfectly logical reason for it. 

violetminnow

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #42 on: November 04, 2013, 09:56:18 PM »
Before I read ehell I never would have thought twice about this. Honestly I think it's a great enticement for people to confirm their address. I know a lot of people didn't bother to sign the guest book at my wedding, maybe if I'd offered a door prize I'd've gotten more takers.

Yvaine

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #43 on: November 04, 2013, 10:19:40 PM »
*Disclaimer* of course this is tacky....

I wouldn't want to causes done I care about additional work just for the principal of the matter so, to me, it would be silly to be okay writing my address in a guest book but outraged to write it on an envelope. I always feel that if I like someone and care about them enough to attend the shower, who cares about silly tacky details? They are my friend!

Here's the thing, though. We're not just talking to potential guests on this forum, we're also talking to potential hosts. People look up old threads from here for advice on their own events. And this is an etiquette forum, not a Stuff That Bothers TurtleDove forum. To guests, I think most of us would say, forgive the tackiness, don't be outraged, some people just don't know etiquette rules.

But to any future hosts reading this thread, it's important to know that it does in fact break an etiquette rule, and it might piss off Distant Aunt Whozit who doesn't know your spotless intentions. Yes, we don't always have to stand on ceremony with our nearest and dearest, but we're all going to attend social events during our lives with people we know less well, and that's why we have etiquette--to smooth our interactions when we don't know each other well enough to totally let loose yet.

I won't speak for TurtleDove, but since I posted similar opinions, I'd like to say that I was treating this as a discussion forum, where various opinions are allowed, as long as we're respectful--and I hope that you might dial down the condescension a bit and try to be respectful of our opinions as well. 


I'm not trying to be condescending or squelch discussion (nor do I have any power to do so) and didn't have any issues with anything you said in this thread, Surianne. I get irked sometimes when posters take the tack of "it doesn't bother me, so no one else should let it bother them if they care about their friends" and was just trying to make the point that we might have totally different advice for the offend-ee than we might have for the offend-er.  To an offend-ee, the advice might be "they're your friends, you love them, let it go," but the original question was more about whether it's rude to do it, not whether to be annoyed if someone else does. The OP was perfectly polite in the situation. And I don't think we can say people don't care about the GOH if they get annoyed.
« Last Edit: November 04, 2013, 10:24:24 PM by Yvaine »

Erich L-ster

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #44 on: November 04, 2013, 10:33:19 PM »
I feel it's tacky and on the very mild edge of rude. I wouldn't be angry about it but I would feel "put off" about it and slightly irritated.