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Author Topic: Fill out your thank you envelope?  (Read 16142 times)

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Vall

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #60 on: November 05, 2013, 01:57:02 PM »
I agree that being required to fill out my own thank you note envelope is tacky but I love the idea of giving the GOH an address book.  That's such a great idea and would be very useful.

If I were the GOH and the host did the envelope thing, I'd be very embarrassed.  I'd probably take the envelopes and copy the information onto other envelopes for my thank you notes.  There's no way that I could send someone a thank you note in an envelope that they had addressed themselves.  I couldn't do it.

For the times that I've been asked at a shower to fill out an envelope, I have conveniently "forgotten".

GrammarNerd

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #61 on: November 05, 2013, 02:58:27 PM »

For the times that I've been asked at a shower to fill out an envelope, I have conveniently "forgotten".

Did the GOH manage to address the envelope herself?  (Hopefully you still received a thank you note!)

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #62 on: November 05, 2013, 03:00:30 PM »

For the times that I've been asked at a shower to fill out an envelope, I have conveniently "forgotten".

Did the GOH manage to address the envelope herself?  (Hopefully you still received a thank you note!)

I will say it was presented to us that either you fill out the envelope or you don't get a thank you note. Of course I feel the GOH in this case would still send a thank you. BFF took very detailed notes on who got gave what so that the giver could be appropriately thanked (I think there were at least 40 people there).

cattlekid

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #63 on: November 05, 2013, 03:11:54 PM »
On the few occasions that I have been asked to fill out my own envelope for a TY note, I have demurred.  Either I have declined the offer of the envelope, or if the envelope was pressed on me and I couldn't politely decline, I "forgot" to return it.  No one (yet) has ever stood over me and watched me fill out the envelope. 

I also assumed that I would not receive a TY note in those situations. 

Peregrine

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #64 on: November 05, 2013, 03:26:05 PM »
To those people wondering how people are invited to showers/events without the host knowing the mailing address....it's because so much is now done via the internet or other forms of communication.

I'm in my mid thirties and when I started attending showers as an independent adult about 15ish years ago it was all done via paper snail mail.  Things have really changed within the last 5 years though!  I would say that 70% of the showers that I have attended in the last 5 or so years have been via email or e-vite.  Now I did receive written thank you's for all of the events I attended, a few we addressed our own envelopes, a few the hostess collected our addresses verbally and wrote them down in a notebook for the GOH, once I got a call after the fact asking for my address, a few were hand delivered through work, and I got one e-mail thank you with a picture of the babe wrapped in the receiving blanket I had made for him. 

I think this ends up happening so often because people just don't mail physical correspondence to each other any more.  It happens with phone numbers too.  I worked as a receptionist in a medical clinic for a time, and you wouldn't believe how many people had to look up their own phone number on their cell phone since they never call themselves.  When contact information is traded amongst my acquaintances these days, it's done by trading texts or downloading contact info via Facebook or other social networks.

While addressing your own thank you note is still considered tacky, I think it will probably be one of those etiquette faux pas that continues to happen with increasing frequency because of how communication technology changes.

Lynn2000

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #65 on: November 05, 2013, 03:36:20 PM »
Personally, I would be happy to receive a "TY note" in the same form that the original invitation was delivered (roughly). An email or phone call would be fine with me, provided it was individual and... "of sufficient length" sounds prissy, but I mean, more than literally just "Thank you!" the end. The same thing you would write in a decent TY note, but typed and sent electronically, or said to me over the phone or in person at a later date.

Maybe not a text, though. Actually I don't text much and only use it for very short things, so that's my main objection. If someone is able to fit the contents of a decent TY note into a text message, more power to them. It takes me 10 minutes just to type "C U l8r."

So, in my opinion, if people were contacted individually to be invited to an event, that same method of communication could be used for the TY after the fact. I realize not everyone feels that way, though. But, I just don't feel like that's a good excuse for not thanking someone, or making them do work to get a TY, except perhaps in some extreme situations. Someone managed to contact them to invite them; I think the same effort, if not more, should be expended to thank them.
~Lynn2000

Vall

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #66 on: November 05, 2013, 03:38:25 PM »

For the times that I've been asked at a shower to fill out an envelope, I have conveniently "forgotten".

Did the GOH manage to address the envelope herself?  (Hopefully you still received a thank you note!)
No, but I wasn't surprised by not getting thank you notes.  I saw filling out the envelopes as the "price" for getting a thank you note.  I simply didn't want to pay that particular price.  I didn't (and wouldn't) make a scene about it.  I'm pretty good about procrastinating and then "forgetting" or saying that I need to visit the restroom then "forgetting".

Mrs. Tilney

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #67 on: November 05, 2013, 03:50:03 PM »
I have heard of this before, but of course it smacks of "I have an obligation to thank you but really don't want to put out the effort because I am so "busy""

I've run into this practice a few times, but it doesn't bother me, really. It doesn't take out the effort of writing a thank-you note; it just removes the effort of physically addressing an envelope.

TurtleDove

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #68 on: November 05, 2013, 03:59:59 PM »
I have heard of this before, but of course it smacks of "I have an obligation to thank you but really don't want to put out the effort because I am so "busy""

I've run into this practice a few times, but it doesn't bother me, really. It doesn't take out the effort of writing a thank-you note; it just removes the effort of physically addressing an envelope.

As an aside, I send thank you notes, but due to carpal tunnel my handwriting is nearly illegible after writing out a check let alone a proper thank you note and envelope.  Any reduction in the amount I would need to write would be welcome by the post office because they would be far more likely to be able to read the addresses!

TootsNYC

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #69 on: November 05, 2013, 04:11:03 PM »
Personally, I would be happy to receive a "TY note" in the same form that the original invitation was delivered (roughly). An email or phone call would be fine with me, provided it was individual and... "of sufficient length" sounds prissy, but I mean, more than literally just "Thank you!" the end. The same thing you would write in a decent TY note, but typed and sent electronically, or said to me over the phone or in person at a later date.

Maybe not a text, though. Actually I don't text much and only use it for very short things, so that's my main objection. If someone is able to fit the contents of a decent TY note into a text message, more power to them. It takes me 10 minutes just to type "C U l8r."

So, in my opinion, if people were contacted individually to be invited to an event, that same method of communication could be used for the TY after the fact. I realize not everyone feels that way, though. But, I just don't feel like that's a good excuse for not thanking someone, or making them do work to get a TY, except perhaps in some extreme situations. Someone managed to contact them to invite them; I think the same effort, if not more, should be expended to thank them.

I feel the same way.

I'm not sure "official Etiquette" is ready to go along with us yet, though.

MOM21SON

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #70 on: November 05, 2013, 04:39:25 PM »
I was asked to address my own envelope at a baby shower once and I did.  Never received a thank you note at all.  The baby just turned 8.

No one else got a note either.

*new*mommyagain36

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #71 on: November 07, 2013, 01:30:40 PM »
My Aunt tried this exactly once when she hosted a baby shower for one of her daughters.  There were many faux pas in that particular shower but I will stay on topic here.  My Mom, another Aunt and I grumbled a little while we filled ours out but I didn't think we made too much of a scene.  After said shower My Aunt called my Mom and asked why we three had been put out by this and Mom told her it felt rude to be addressing our own thank you notes.  Every shower after that (for 3 more Mom's-to-Be and assorted bridal showers) Aunt provided a guest book and asked everyone to sign.  I have to say I much preferred the signing of the guest book.  Aunt then provided completed guest book, pack of thank you notes and stamps to guest of honor.  She has given that gift many times to many of us over the years - even at showers she has not hosted. Most GOH seem to like it.
"Oh people can come up with statistics to prove anything.  14% of people know that" - Homer Simpson

kckgirl

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #72 on: November 07, 2013, 07:18:00 PM »
I took an address book with me to a family reunion and passed it around. We had three members of the oldest generation, about 10-12 of the 21 cousins, and all of our children (very young to young adults) and grandchildren. It was a great way to get correct addresses. Everybody just wrote their information on the correct pages in the book. I think this would work for a big shower. For a smaller one, the hostess could ask each guest to confirm their correct address as they arrived and give the list to the GOH at the end.
Maryland

hannahmollysmom

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #73 on: November 08, 2013, 01:33:02 AM »
I've been to showers where this has been requested and I still didn't receive a Thank You!

jaxsue

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Re: Fill out your thank you envelope?
« Reply #74 on: November 08, 2013, 10:26:44 AM »
Oh, and then I thought of something else--sometimes people do this and then either don't know why they're doing it, or flake on it later--I went to a shower years ago where they did the envelopes and then TY notes were never sent.  ;D

Wow.  :o Now that is rude!