The Peculiar "Stalking"

[poundcake]

She won't get bored. Go ahead and block her, and possibly ask your bf to do the same.

[Twik]

I'm not sure why the OP put quotation marks around "stalking". This isn't sort-of stalking, this is the real thing. Stalking doesn't have to involve physical threats.

[kategillian]

POD to what Peaches said. One of the main points in that excellent book 'The Gift of Fear' is that when someone makes you feel uncomfortable, but you can't say why, is that you have unconsciously picked up on a reason to feel uncomfortable. This woman obviously makes you feel that way, and you should take steps to end any association with her.

[Goosey]

Why in the world didn't you block her when she started showing up outside your house  Seems like that would have been the most logical response. You know what she is doing is wrong, but you also know you won't change her. You said she had this "tendancy". Well, cut her off.

[JoW]

I would take the blocking a step further.  Talk to everyone in the group, tell them what you've told us, and ask everyone in the group to block her. 

[jedikaiti]

I don't think you can reasonably ask all those people to block her, but you can ask mutual acquaintences to not share any details of your life with her.

[CakeEater]

To answer your original question, yes, I do think it's overly familiar to make comments on people's pages when you don't have a 'reason'. That's an awful sentence.

Generally, I think people should behave on FB in accordance with how close they are to a FB 'friend' in real life. So maybe your best friend in the world could join your gym group to see what you're up to, but anyone else doing that would be odd. Whereas anyone on your friends list could like a picture of you finishing a marathon.

I tend to be on the conservative side of how I interact with people on FB.

[veronaz]

She also had a tendency to "show up" places where my then boyfriend was, and several times I noticed her lurking outside my house.  I had several mutual friends mention to me that she was asking them about me, repeatedly and enough that it caused them to mention it to me.

Definitely block her and adjust your FB privacy settings.  But I see a bigger problem here – not just a FB problem. 

As someone else said, I think we left etiquette territory, and I also think her actions go way beyond weird. 

She is a genuine, serious stalker.  Red lights and sirens are flashing and blaring all over the place.

Someone who is still hung up on a man/woman often tries to find out all they can about that person’s partner/spouse.  She is beyond ‘hung up’ - she is obsessed.

Have you talked to your DH about the times (several….plural) you saw her lurking outside your house (!!!), the way she shows up at places where he is, and also the way she has been making inquiries?  What did he say/do?  What did you do when she was lurking outside your house (on several occasions)?  Have you and/or DH told her she is trespassing and to stay away?

To be quite frank, I’d document all incidents (include dates, times, who told you about her inquiries) and file a police report. 

[Raintree]

You can lock down your privacy settings but if you join an open group, anyone can see the posts you make there. But you can block her, so that as far as she can see, you don't exist on Facebook at all. The only way someone can tell you've blocked them is if, on some discussion thread (on a mutual friend's wall, or an open group), someone posts after you, "I agree, Turtledove, glad you said that" (or some such thing).

And yes, it's weird to join a group you are clearly not part of. We had a high school reunion group going for a specific grad class, and some guy who says he went to that school 30 years before us joined and would "like" and comment. He seemed pretty harmless, and probably just lonely, but I found it weird that he would post in that group at all. Nobody seemed to know him IRL either.

[Cherry91]

Don't engage her - I remember reading an article by a psychologist that said if you react to a stalker after trying to ignore them, all you've done is inform them they need to bother you X many times before you respond.

Also, if you're not already, document document document everything the ex-gf is doing. That way if she gets worse, you can take all the proof to the authorities instead of having to deal with it while you gather evidence

[SamiHami]

It's the equivalent of a sibling putting their finger an inch away from their bro/sis's face and chanting, "I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you! I'm not touching you!"

Yes, it's rude, but she's not touching you!

Best description ever! Perfect.