General Etiquette > general

Yes, thank you but I DON'T want to show my breasts! Update #76, p.6

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I have a friend who is very progressive, or so she keeps telling me. She has visited me a few times since Baby was born. When I need to nurse the baby and there are guests around, I always use a nursing scarf.

Now, I know there are women who feel that because breastfeeding is a natural thing, exposing their breast is no big deal. I respect that and would never stare at a breastfeeding mother. But I will also never be comfortable with that level of exposure. I like to keep my breasts for private viewing only, and if you're not the one needing to drink from it then I do not want you to see it.

The problem is that she keeps saying "Oh you don't have to use that around me" or "I am sure Baby will be more comfortable feeding without the scarf!" She has even tried to LIFT my scarf because she "wanted to see how Baby is drinking"!!

To the first, i replied "Yes I do". To the second, I replied, "Yes that's true, so excuse me while I feed her in the next room". To the third, I exclaimed, "What are you doing? Please don't" and hastily moved away. It is a good thing that I can breastfeed with a nursing scarf while carrying Baby and walking, because that seems to be what I need to do to get away from her.

I have explained that I am personally not comfortable with breasts exposure, but she keeps brushing me off by saying what a natural thing breastfeeding is, and that I shouldn't worry about what people might say or think. She doesn't seem to understand that I DO NOT WANT TO EXPOSE MY BREASTS (yes, I have said this to her repeatedly) no matter how explicitly I tell her. When I tried to use stronger words, she thought that I was being judgemental towards women who breastfeed without a cover.

Do I need to lose a friend? How else can I remain polite to this person who thinks that she is doing me a huge favour by liberating my breasts? She is a very nice person, but she doesn't seem to get this.

I feel for you. I'm not a mum yet but I can imagine that not only hearing others' opinions on what you should do must be irritating but also trying to MAKE you do it must be even worse.
Just a couple of suggestions
"I am sure baby will be more comfortable feeding without the scarf" - firmly say "I won't be" then bean dip
I think if she continues or tries to lift the scarf again you look at her straight in the eye and firmly say "drop this now"
If she continues rabbiting on about it you need to tell her it's time to go home when it's time for you to feed.
Or perhaps when baby is asleep and she's visiting sit her down and say to her "your constant advice/insistence about my feeding is not only making me uncomfortable, it's rude. Please stop. I've heard your point of view and whilst other women are free to do as they please, this is what makes ME comfortable."

You shouldn't have to go into another room to feed. This is your (and your baby's) home!

I thought she may have been just trying to make you comfortable but the fact that she hasn't picked up on your subtle and not so subtle cues suggests to me she's now trying to push her viewpoint onto you. It's unwelcome and unfair.

I'm not sure that you need to remain "polite" when it's an issue she's not being polite over.

Best of luck and congratulations on the arrival of your baby!

I think that a "friend" trying to strip me of clothing I wanted to keep on, whatever it might be, would rapidly cease being my friend.


--- Quote from: greencat on November 08, 2013, 07:14:53 PM ---I think that a "friend" trying to strip me of clothing I wanted to keep on, whatever it might be, would rapidly cease being my friend.

--- End quote ---


"If this is all so natural, why are you making such a big deal about it?"


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