Author Topic: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?  (Read 9987 times)

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Twik

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #45 on: August 25, 2014, 04:34:38 PM »
There's something missing in this story. I believe that servers are trained to ensure that they have tended to each person's drink/meal interests. The restaurant wants to ensure that everyone is asked so that they can make the maximum amount of money. The LW must have refused anything when the server asked, because her date didn't offer?!? If I was the date, I would be thinking that she was the strange bird!!!

I also can't imagine attending a dinner date and my date refusing food and there be no discussion about that. I would be concerned that my date didn't approve of the restaurant choice. Maybe he/she has diet restrictions that the restaurant cannot attend to??? Maybe I misunderstood the agreed upon arrangements??? Maybe my date has changed his/her mind about me and is trying to end the date early??? Either way, I would be trying to find a polite way to say, "You didn't want dinner?"

In every first date dining experiences that I have had, the assumption has always been that everyone is eating. The food talk is often part of the ice breaker portion. The only situation when I might assume to not order food might be if the date was set-up to be drinks. "Would you care to get a drink with me at Hometown Pub?" If my date happened to order food in that situation, I would likely match that.

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That's not always the case. Some servers might assume if they gave a menu to one person at the table, and that person ordered, the other person would have been consulted.
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Harriet Jones

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #46 on: August 26, 2014, 11:19:36 AM »

That's not always the case. Some servers might assume if they gave a menu to one person at the table, and that person ordered, the other person would have been consulted.

What waiter only gives a menu to one person at the table?

magicdomino

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #47 on: August 26, 2014, 02:07:15 PM »

That's not always the case. Some servers might assume if they gave a menu to one person at the table, and that person ordered, the other person would have been consulted.

What waiter only gives a menu to one person at the table?

Or at least asks if the other person also wants a menu. 

Edited after I re-read the original letter.  Still can't figure out why the woman didn't say something.
« Last Edit: August 26, 2014, 02:12:15 PM by magicdomino »

metallicafan

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #48 on: September 23, 2014, 05:53:12 PM »
I'm flabbergasted as to why the woman didn't ask for a menu if for some odd reason the waiter didn't give her one, and order food.  Why would she think that she needed permission to order?  I'm not getting it.

Stanwyck

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #49 on: November 03, 2014, 03:21:21 PM »
I'm wondering if the letter writer was expecting her date to order for her. Like in the past when it was considered proper for the man to ask the lady what she wanted to eat then he tell the waiter.  "The lady will have the escargots fricassee and I'll have the frogs legs  en crute."  I also wonder if she was upset she got a menu with prices on it instead of one without.


Dazi

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #50 on: November 03, 2014, 06:25:41 PM »
Yeah,  but ladies' menus are nearly unheard of nowadays. I've only seen them at high-end restaurants,  country clubs, or for a preset menu for parties /luncheon type functions.  And if they were in an establishment like that, I would hope the waiter would have the sense to ask her for her order.
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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #51 on: November 23, 2014, 11:20:58 AM »
I looked over the letter, and realized something that may change how to view the situation.  I didn't see any mention that she didn't eat, and added to her comment about "men today are different from those of the past..." she seems to be older, and so I'm wondering (like Stanwyck pointed out) if her issue isn't that she didn't get a meal but that her date didn't specifically ask her about what she'd like, leaving her to order it herself.  That would make her question about politeness more approachable (if old-fashioned) without creating the bizarre situation where the waiter and her date both ignored her and left her sitting quietly while her date ate his meal.

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tabitha

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #52 on: November 25, 2014, 12:38:17 PM »
Doesn't everyone everywhere start a sit down dinner at a restaurant with the question "Do you know what you're going to order?"  or "Do you see anything you like?"

If this lady ordered for herself and is complaining that the date didn't make her choice for her and order for her, but she still ate the food of her choice...why was that letter even considered for print?

And if she sat there foodless while he ate, EVERYONE, including the letter writer, the waiter and the date are at fault because if one checked with her surely the other would.  Again, why publish the letter.  It seems like more of a joke, with the punch line being something about tattoos.

I wouldn't take this seriously if I were Miss Manners, maybe her letter screeners just thought it was funny.

Winterlight

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Re: Should you have to specifically invite your date to order food?
« Reply #53 on: November 26, 2014, 09:48:18 AM »
I tend to side against people who are ranting about the good old days on general principles. If she's saying she didn't get a menu, then why didn't she ask for one? If she expected her date to order for her- well, that's dying out. If he ignored her, then why didn't she speak up or leave?
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