Author Topic: is it polite to continue ignoring this person? Update #28  (Read 13030 times)

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DavidH

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Re: is it polite to continue ignoring this person?
« Reply #15 on: November 12, 2013, 03:22:45 PM »
Two messages over a year doesn't seem like stalking, it's barely beyond casual contact.  You can hardly blame someone for sending a second message since she doesn't really know if you got the first.

I'm not a big fan of the simply block someone trying to be nice since it seems like someone introducing themselves to you at a party and you just looking blankly at them without saying anything.  It's just shy of saying hmmpf and walking away.

I'd send one message saying that you don't really remember her and are not interested in getting together.  If she sends another after that, then I'm all for blocking her. 

Miss Unleaded

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Re: is it polite to continue ignoring this person?
« Reply #16 on: November 13, 2013, 02:56:46 AM »
Two messages over a year doesn't seem like stalking, it's barely beyond casual contact.  You can hardly blame someone for sending a second message since she doesn't really know if you got the first.

I'm not a big fan of the simply block someone trying to be nice since it seems like someone introducing themselves to you at a party and you just looking blankly at them without saying anything.  It's just shy of saying hmmpf and walking away.

I'd send one message saying that you don't really remember her and are not interested in getting together.  If she sends another after that, then I'm all for blocking her.

Yes, I don't think this qualifies as cyber stalking as there are only two messages over such a long time.

However, the tone of those two messages is vaguely disturbing considering they haven't met in 35 years and weren't close back then either.

I also vote for block and ignore, but you could also send a brief message as DavidH indicated above, if you want to

Twik

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Re: is it polite to continue ignoring this person?
« Reply #17 on: November 13, 2013, 08:19:37 AM »
One message that says "I was pining for *you* while I was with your brother," would be enough to sound stalkerish after so many years, or at least like something that could be a signal of incipient obsession. It sounds rather unbalanced.
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Waterlight

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Re: is it polite to continue ignoring this person?
« Reply #18 on: November 14, 2013, 12:13:17 AM »
POD to the above.  I'd go with "Block and don't respond."  Do not engage the crazy.
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Raintree

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Re: is it polite to continue ignoring this person?
« Reply #19 on: November 14, 2013, 03:13:11 AM »
One message that says "I was pining for *you* while I was with your brother," would be enough to sound stalkerish after so many years, or at least like something that could be a signal of incipient obsession. It sounds rather unbalanced.

I agree. The OP can either respond "I'm not interested" or not respond at all (which sends the same message as "I'm not interested.") I don't think the ignore option is rude at all given that the content of the message is kind of creepy. She didn't even bother sending out feelers before launching into that kind of thing. Normal people wanting to get in touch with aquaintances from long ago at least start out with some version of "Hi, do you remember me from such-and-such a time? What are you up to these days?"

zyrs

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Re: is it polite to continue ignoring this person?
« Reply #20 on: November 15, 2013, 12:18:53 AM »
Thank you all for your responses.  I decided not to send her a message and just blocked her.

I think the thing that bothered me the most out of the messages that she sent was that she had changed her first and last names to something very different and then didn't mention her old name at all when writing the first message.

You would think that if Carolyn Jones changed her name to Heidi LaRue and then wanted to get in touch with someone who only knew her as Carolyn Jones that she might mention that her old name was Carolyn Jones when contacting this "old friend" as Heidi LaRue.  That, coupled with the general tone of the messages, just gave me a weird feeling.

Winterlight

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Re: is it polite to continue ignoring this person?
« Reply #21 on: November 15, 2013, 09:14:13 AM »
Yeah, that would send me running for the block button too. An apparent total stranger sending me messages like that? No, thanks.
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siamesecat2965

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Re: is it polite to continue ignoring this person?
« Reply #22 on: November 18, 2013, 12:43:33 PM »
I would have done the same thing. Ignored, and blocked. the fact she changed her name totally, and didn't mention who she was, as in, "I used to be known as so and so, but am now this and that" is a bit odd. I know when I've sent friend requests to people I haven't seen, say from HS or college, i always send a quick note wiht it, like hey, how are you, so happy to see you on FB, hope all is well, and let them decide if they want to accept or not.

I've also toyed with the idea of friending a couple of ex-BFs, but in the end, decided that while my only intention is to say hi, what's up, and catch up, as they both are married, it might come across the wrong way, so I've held off.

veronaz

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Re: is it polite to continue ignoring this person?
« Reply #23 on: December 01, 2013, 06:09:02 PM »
Ignore her, block her, and stop worrying about being polite to her.

Mikayla

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Re: is it polite to continue ignoring this person?
« Reply #24 on: December 03, 2013, 04:11:31 PM »
"Hi, remember me? I want you," is just not the way to refresh a friendship.

Haha! 

I also agree with OP that the creepiest part of this was that she changed her first and last names, and then didn't bother explaining this when she wrote out of the blue.  That's like the beginning of a bad Lifetime TV movie.

lollylegs

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Re: is it polite to continue ignoring this person?
« Reply #25 on: February 10, 2014, 07:03:02 PM »
She is essentially cyber stalking you.  Polite isn't really necessary.  Ignore and block.

Two Facebook PMs sent a year apart is hardly cyber stalking. Let's not exaggerate. And I know from experience how easy it is to miss emails in the other folder so the woman might have sent another because she didn't think the OP received the first.

That said, OP, if you're getting a weird vibe from her (or even if you just don't feel like catching up - you don't need a reason) then you don't have to reply. I would continue to ignore rather than send back something saying you're not interested.

Ceallach

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Re: is it polite to continue ignoring this person?
« Reply #26 on: February 10, 2014, 07:17:25 PM »
She is essentially cyber stalking you.  Polite isn't really necessary.  Ignore and block.

Two Facebook PMs sent a year apart is hardly cyber stalking. Let's not exaggerate. And I know from experience how easy it is to miss emails in the other folder so the woman might have sent another because she didn't think the OP received the first.

That said, OP, if you're getting a weird vibe from her (or even if you just don't feel like catching up - you don't need a reason) then you don't have to reply. I would continue to ignore rather than send back something saying you're not interested.

The OP already updated back in November (3 months ago) confirming he had gone ahead and blocked her, it's a few posts up on this page.   
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lollylegs

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Re: is it polite to continue ignoring this person?
« Reply #27 on: February 10, 2014, 07:21:19 PM »
She is essentially cyber stalking you.  Polite isn't really necessary.  Ignore and block.

Two Facebook PMs sent a year apart is hardly cyber stalking. Let's not exaggerate. And I know from experience how easy it is to miss emails in the other folder so the woman might have sent another because she didn't think the OP received the first.

That said, OP, if you're getting a weird vibe from her (or even if you just don't feel like catching up - you don't need a reason) then you don't have to reply. I would continue to ignore rather than send back something saying you're not interested.

The OP already updated back in November (3 months ago) confirming he had gone ahead and blocked her, it's a few posts up on this page.

Whoops, I somehow missed the second pages of comments. Jolly good then.

zyrs

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Re: is it polite to continue ignoring this person? Update #28
« Reply #28 on: June 20, 2014, 03:04:01 PM »
An update:

I blocked her and thought no more about it until last week.  A completely different friend from the past had sent me two one word messages which went into the "other" message folder so I wrote back to them saying "Hi" and asked them how everything was doing.

All they sent me back was a picture of them standing with the woman who contacted me in the first post.  I've never been socially apt, so I have no idea what the picture is supposed to mean, but it was another "huh!" moment that made me glad I never contacted her back.
« Last Edit: June 20, 2014, 03:33:59 PM by zyrs »

Kiwichick

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Re: is it polite to continue ignoring this person? Update #28
« Reply #29 on: June 20, 2014, 03:09:39 PM »
That's plain creepy!