General Etiquette > general

It's my house, can I invite whomever I want? Update #38

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I think it could be rude, actually.  You're not hosting your own get-together, you're offering your home to be used by the group.

And at that point, it's not really your home; it's the group's meeting place.

Just as, when someone hosts a wedding at a commercial establishment, for that night the restaurant/dance hall is their home, and so no tip jar, no cash bar. Because you wouldn't have those in your home.

The actual legal ownership is really not the point.

After all, one of our EHellions will loan her home to be used by someone else to host her baby shower. That works, because she's not the host.

In your case, it *looks* as though you're the host, but you're not. Not really.

However, if the book club members think it's fine, then it's fine. And if other people are doing it, then there's an unspoken consensus. I think I would hesitate before I'd be the first to do this.

In fact, I can see a book club officially saying, "no outsiders unless they're invited by our evening's host, and the hosts are supposed to scope out potential new members for us. So you invite the potential new person when it's your home, and we get a chance to check them out."

Oh Joy:
My vote is that it depends 100% on group norms.  I've been in some where it's expected - and even welcomed - to add others to group events in your home, and others where it would be totally inappropriate for group dynamics.

How's that for not helpful?   :D

The only issue I see is if someone is coming just to get out of the house but has absolutely no interest in the activity the dinner and get together are specifically for, they end up being odd man out, or everyone is trying to include the extra guest but not having the activity the way they thought it would be.  I personally would only ask someone if they had expressed an interest in trying the activity so there is at least a chance of them participating.  I know I would feel out of place if invited to dinner and then everyone started doing/discussing activity and I am not part of on going activity.

I'd be careful with inviting outsiders to a group meeting. Often group members over time really trust each other and sometimes things get talked about that need to stay within that circle (e.g. health issues, relationship stuff, etc.). An outsider might make that awkward. Also often groups often talk about common experiences and have insider jokes that someone from outside the group might not get or find funny and then feel excluded.

If the extra person is not interested in joining the group, then I think its weird.  New people change the dynamic.  I'm happy to try to include people but it would annoy me for my night to be different than expected for no reason.

In circumstances where its simply a circle of friends, not a group which meets for a particular purpose, its fine.


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