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### Author Topic: etiquette mistakes all the way around  (Read 11255 times)

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##### etiquette mistakes all the way around
« on: November 12, 2013, 07:26:51 PM »
I ordered food for myself and a friend online and thought I hit the "tip X% with credit card" button. Because I didn't actually hit anything, the default went to "tip with cash". Another friend met me in the parking lot and she decided to wait with me while we chatted.

The delivery man showed up and when I said "thank you!" and reached for the food, he pulled it back and said "You're tipping me cash, right? It says tip with cash on here." He then proceeded to stare at me and wait with the food down by his side, and I said "I'm so sorry, I thought I hit a different button that tipped you online. I don't have any cash"-and my friend cut in and said "Oh, I have some cash on me." She turned to me and held out a wad of money (with some fives and twenties mixed in) and said "I don't know how much your bill was so I don't know how much you want the tip to b"-and the delivery man interjected and said "Oh, all of that's good. That whole handful right there." in a (somewhat) joking tone. The food remained at his side until I grudgingly peeled off a couple of dollars and handed them to him.

What I was going to say before my friend interrupted was that I would call the place, explain the situation, and try to tip him over the phone or online. By the time the transaction ended I wished I hadn't tipped him at all. When I called the restaurant to explain the situation (I wasn't happy at all with the driver) they said "He wasn't doing anything wrong asking you for a cash tip, you know."  The whole encounter left me with a bad taste in my mouth. I can't tell if we were all in the wrong or what.

#### SiotehCat

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##### Re: etiquette mistakes all the way around
« Reply #1 on: November 12, 2013, 07:36:19 PM »
I don't think he was wrong.

I am sure he was pretty uncomfortable having to ask for his own tip.

#### Nikko-chan

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##### Re: etiquette mistakes all the way around
« Reply #2 on: November 12, 2013, 07:38:43 PM »
You weren't in the wrong. Mistakes happen, and its a part of life. The fact that you were going to rectify the situation makes you clear of any etiquette mistakes in my eyes. Your friend is awesome, by the way.

And the delivery driver... yeah. No. that was rude. If you don't get a tip, you don't say a word. Period. It is unfortunately a fact of those types of jobs that occasionally you don't get a tip.

The manager? Oh he was way way out of line.

#### GSNW

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##### Re: etiquette mistakes all the way around
« Reply #3 on: November 12, 2013, 07:39:21 PM »
Wow.  I get that these guys work for tips, but his aggression was out of line.  Your friend was nice to jump in and help out.  In addition, the taking back of the food... really?  When we get delivery, we get the food and then sign the slip and either a) add gratuity or b) give cash when that is settled.  It's the last thing to be done.  How did this guy know you weren't going to hand over the cash once you got the food?  His assumptions are rude as well.

Who did you speak with at the restaurant?  If it wasn't the manager on duty, that would be my next step.  If it's a chain, I would also write a letter to their corporate office including how you were treated when you tried to call and discuss the situation.  If that's the culture they are promoting, they don't deserve anyone's business.

I don't have any problem with customary tipping, but doesn't mean people can just be demanding.

#### TootsNYC

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##### Re: etiquette mistakes all the way around
« Reply #4 on: November 12, 2013, 07:43:41 PM »
I think he could have been much more friendly, etc., in asking about the tip.

I don't think he was wrong at all to ask about it, but he needed to do it in a way that didn't make you feel almost assaulted. He should have asked in a way that made you feel that he was reminding you, or alerting you to what the form said.

My DH left too little money even to cover the bill this weekend--he thought he'd put a $10 on the tray, and he'd grabbed the$5 next to it.

The waiter stopped us as we were leaving. He was almost *too* apologetic for comfort, but he certainly started as though we'd simply made a mistake. Which we had (we'd also intended to tip him big, bcs he was helpful w/ the gluten thingie).

I think we might have been less likely to go back there, or less likely to tip big, if he'd made us feel like we were cheaters.

#### Kaypeep

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##### Re: etiquette mistakes all the way around
« Reply #5 on: November 12, 2013, 07:45:55 PM »
I don't think the delivery man did anything wrong.  The transaction was not complete until you tipped him cash, as you (accidentally) indicated when you filled out the form.  Him joking about accepting all your friend's cash was not rude and sounds like he was trying to lighten the situation.  I think the rude part was you calling the restaurant to make some kind of complaint.  The error was on your part, and it created an awkward situation for everyone.  If I were you, I'd just be grateful a friend was there with cash to tip the guy, and chalk it up to a lesson learned in being extra careful with online ordering in the future.

#### mime

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##### Re: etiquette mistakes all the way around
« Reply #6 on: November 12, 2013, 07:48:38 PM »
I don't think you were wrong.

The delivery guy didn't want to give your food to you until he was sure he was getting a tip?

With no support from management when you called them, that experience would make me buy my dinners somewhere else in the future.

#### Surianne

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##### Re: etiquette mistakes all the way around
« Reply #7 on: November 12, 2013, 08:11:01 PM »
I don't think the delivery man did anything wrong.  The transaction was not complete until you tipped him cash, as you (accidentally) indicated when you filled out the form.  Him joking about accepting all your friend's cash was not rude and sounds like he was trying to lighten the situation.  I think the rude part was you calling the restaurant to make some kind of complaint.  The error was on your part, and it created an awkward situation for everyone.  If I were you, I'd just be grateful a friend was there with cash to tip the guy, and chalk it up to a lesson learned in being extra careful with online ordering in the future.

I agree.  Unless he was aggressive about it (hard to say without being there), I think he was fine in reminding you of what you'd filled out online about the tip, and he was likely trying to lighten the mood with his joke.  Your friend was also very gracious in offering the cash.  I don't think the delivery guy deserved the complaint you phoned in, and I think the manager handled it well in standing up for his employee rather than throwing him under the bus.

#### *inviteseller

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##### Re: etiquette mistakes all the way around
« Reply #8 on: November 12, 2013, 08:15:07 PM »

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##### Re: etiquette mistakes all the way around
« Reply #9 on: November 12, 2013, 08:26:21 PM »
Honestly, I would not have tipped him after that. A tip is not mandatory, period. And, yes, I am a good tipper.

If he had asked about it in a polite manner ("Excuse me, ma'am, the receipt says 'cash tips', is that right?" for example) and not held the food hostage, I would have thanked him for letting me know, thanked my friend for bailing me out and kicked myself for being so absent minded.

#### LifeOnPluto

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##### Re: etiquette mistakes all the way around
« Reply #10 on: November 12, 2013, 08:28:27 PM »
I'm from a non-tipping country, but surely it's rude for a delivery person to withhold the item until they've been tipped?

#### Paper Roses

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##### Re: etiquette mistakes all the way around
« Reply #11 on: November 12, 2013, 08:31:27 PM »
I'm not sure the guy was rude; I think it was an awkward situation.  I mean, that statement about the tip would probably be a little off-putting to me at first too, but then again, there are probably a lot of people who say they'll tip in cash but then forget, leaving him to either remind them or miss out entirely.  And I agree that when he said "All of that will do" or whatever, it was an attempt at being lighthearted, even if it fell flat (and I can agree that it did fall flat, but I don't think I'd call it rude).  Although holding the food hostage until you paid up was over the line.

As for the reaction of the restaurant, I do feel that was uncalled for.  A simple "I'm sorry it came across that way" would probably have gone a long way and not come across as so defensive.

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#### sammycat

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##### Re: etiquette mistakes all the way around
« Reply #12 on: November 12, 2013, 08:57:34 PM »
Wow. Stories like this make me so grateful that I live in a non tipping country. Withholding the food was really out of line.

That said, if I did live in a tipping country, then something like ladydisdain's example below would probably have made a very bad situation a bit better.

If he had asked about it in a polite manner ("Excuse me, ma'am, the receipt says 'cash tips', is that right?" for example) and not held the food hostage, I would have thanked him for letting me know, thanked my friend for bailing me out and kicked myself for being so absent minded.

I'm wondering what would gave happened had the friend not had some cash on her. Would the delivery person have left and taken the entire order with him?

#### Isisnin

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##### Re: etiquette mistakes all the way around
« Reply #13 on: November 12, 2013, 09:36:14 PM »
It doesn't seem like he was rude.  The way he phrased his inquiry about the tip (""You're tipping me cash, right? It says tip with cash on here."), it sounds like he was anxious.

Maybe he, and other delivery staff, regularly get stiffed by customers who said they'd tip by cash.  That would also explain why he didn't give you the food while he asked about the tip.  And that would also explain why the restaurant said he wasn't doing anything wrong in asking about the tip.  Maybe they have a problem retaining delivery staff due to tipping issues.

Sometimes when I complain to management, I suggest a way or phrasing that would have been better.  E.g: suggesting that the drivers, after greeting the customer, say something like "I just need to confirm that the tip will be in cash." and with a smile.  That technique usually helps them understand how the situation can be better handled.  but if they still don't get the point after that and/or are rude to me, then I don't give them my business again.

#### jedikaiti

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##### Re: etiquette mistakes all the way around
« Reply #14 on: November 12, 2013, 09:52:22 PM »
He was VERY rude. A polite way to bring it up would have been to discreetly ask AFTER handing over the food. Holding the food hostage, however, was WAY out of line. Depending, I might have given him little to no tip after that bit of attitude (especially the half-joke about wanting the friend's whole wad of cash).
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