Background on Jay here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=129898.0
and here: http://www.etiquettehell.com/smf/index.php?topic=129315.15
We met up with some friends who'd been at the wedding and they were recounting how much fun it was, telling us funny stories about our guests, etc. and just generally being happy for us. When Jay joined our group, he focused on how "so many people were jealous that I got to go to your wedding" - I asked "who are these people, anyone we know?" worrying that mutual friends felt snubbed because we had a relatively small guest list - he said "no, not mostly." It struck me as an odd way to put it - in the negative, as people being jealous, instead of the positive, people thought your wedding looked so fun or what have you. Then he starts talking about how he "DJ'd" our wedding - we asked him if we could use some of his equipment so that we could play setlists in between the band's sets. Originally our floor manager was going to cue up the playlists but Jay offered to do so. He ended up playing maybe 15-20 minutes of music of his choosing when one of the playlists ran out, but from the multiple posts on facebook about him DJing the wedding you would have thought we had hired him to be a dedicated DJ all night.
All of this is annoying but admittedly nit picky. What really got me was when he said "You know, Alexa really wanted to come to your wedding, but I didn't have a plus one..." Alexa is Jay's (platonic) best friend, who we have met 2-3 times, including one time he brought her to a party we hosted. We did not offer +1s except for established couples (together 1+ years, living together, or engaged). He went on to tell us that she even had a dress picked out, as if he'd told her that she would be invited...? I have no idea why he told us all of this after the wedding. I would have preferred he ask beforehand if he could bring her so that he'd have one more person he knew there - we actually did have some last minute room on the guest list and could have managed. It felt guilt trippy that he mentioned this after the fact.
I have concluded that Jay is socially clueless and immature. He thrives off of minor, mostly benign interpersonal drama (he has a faux "rivalry" with a DJ friend of his which is what I think motivated him bragging about the wedding DJing; he is regularly sharing dramatic tales of Alexa's dating
life with us that are honestly none of our business - in fact he is always telling us stories about drama of some sort, either his or other people's). I would not be surprised if he dangled a possible invite to the wedding in front of Alexa just to have something interesting going on in his life. He lives with his parents and doesn't have much going on socially or romantically so I think he cooks up this situations to keep from being bored. Honestly I have run out of patience for it now that it involves me directly instead of being stories about other people.
LordL is totally unruffled by all this behavior. He has a soft spot (or blind spot) for Jay. How do I assert my own boundaries, that I do not want my life events to be fodder for someone's rivalries/personal drama/attempts to gain status, without trampling on LordL's friendship? Jay was actually a member of LordL's bridal party, he has admittedly been a loyal friend to him for several years, and they have interests in common that they have bonded over.