Author Topic: Borrow dishes from guests? Update reply 29  (Read 4498 times)

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Arila

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Re: Borrow dishes from guests?
« Reply #15 on: November 20, 2013, 04:02:06 PM »
I'm sure they are looking forward to the day and will be happy to help out in such a small way.

That's such a good point. People keep asking me what they can bring, and I'm like...*I* am making dinner! *you* are the guest! But what I really say is "Please don't feel obligated to bring anything but yourself!" If they insist, I have said "Well, you really don't have to bring ANYTHING, because I'm going to be doing all of the standard stuff, but if there's some special dish and thanksgiving wouldn't be complete without it, you could bring that."

If this friend asks me if she can bring anything, I might (keeping the "out" in mind) ask if she could bring some plates...

peaches

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Re: Borrow dishes from guests?
« Reply #16 on: November 20, 2013, 04:18:03 PM »
I'm sure they are looking forward to the day and will be happy to help out in such a small way.

I wouldn't assume this. I think it's presumptuous to do so. I wouldn't call it "a small way" to help someone. It might be small to some and big to others.

I wouldn't even ask. I'd buy more plates, or I'd rent them. Another option is to use sturdy plastic plates (perhaps on the children's table?).

My feeling is that I'm responsible for the people I invite. I imagine you have a backup plan, in case your friend says no. I'd go with the backup plan.


wolfie

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Re: Borrow dishes from guests?
« Reply #17 on: November 20, 2013, 04:44:50 PM »
I'm sure they are looking forward to the day and will be happy to help out in such a small way.

That's such a good point. People keep asking me what they can bring, and I'm like...*I* am making dinner! *you* are the guest! But what I really say is "Please don't feel obligated to bring anything but yourself!" If they insist, I have said "Well, you really don't have to bring ANYTHING, because I'm going to be doing all of the standard stuff, but if there's some special dish and thanksgiving wouldn't be complete without it, you could bring that."

If this friend asks me if she can bring anything, I might (keeping the "out" in mind) ask if she could bring some plates...

If you ask me to bring plates I will bring paper/plastic disposable plates. It wouldn't occur to me that you meant my actual dinner plates. And my answer to that would be no - too much risk of something breaking and then the logistics of getting it home again. Do you clean before I leave? If not should I bring them home dirty? If I wait for you to clean them then what will I eat off of until you get them back to me? What happens if one breaks?

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Borrow dishes from guests?
« Reply #18 on: November 20, 2013, 05:03:54 PM »
My dishes are made up of garage sale/thrift store finds, and a set Partner bought at Ikea, we call it "eclectic" and "boho-chic" that nothing matches (someday we'll be grown ups and own a matching set). So I'd loan you my dishes. If you're very good friends I think it's ok. But I'd phrase it in a way that gave them out, something casual like "So I'm looking at our guest list for thanksgiving, I'm so excited it's going to be so big! I am worried about having enough place settings though, is there any chance you'd be willing to loan me some for the day? I understand if you can't", and I would wait until they yes to coming.

I do agree though if you plan on hosting large get togethers in the future buying a few more settings might be in your best interest.

Lady Snowdon

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Re: Borrow dishes from guests?
« Reply #19 on: November 20, 2013, 05:05:17 PM »
I will happily bring over folding chairs, food (in serving dishes), beverages, etc, but I wouldn't feel comfortable bringing dishes over.  Wouldn't matter that much if they were my everyday dishes or my really nice ones.  I would be afraid I'd break them in transportation (therefore causing problems for me and for the person who's relying on having them) or that I wouldn't get them back, etc. 

My mom doesn't have enough matching dishes for my entire family, but she has a lot of similarly themed ones (white and gold, some with stars, some with abstract patterns, some all white, one all gold, etc) that look good enough together.  I would look around and see if you could do something like that, or if you could get some matching dishes cheap somewhere, rather than request someone bring them.

Arila

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Re: Borrow dishes from guests?
« Reply #20 on: November 20, 2013, 05:45:58 PM »
Do you clean before I leave? If not should I bring them home dirty? If I wait for you to clean them then what will I eat off of until you get them back to me? What happens if one breaks?

I appreciate all of this, because it reminds me of what the plan should include.

Yes, I would clean them before she leaves. Most of the dishes will be done after guests go home, but I can disappear to the kitchen for the 5 minutes it would take to hand wash/dry 5 plates.

If one breaks, there are two options. Either it was "mine" anyway, since we have identical sets, or, if mine for some odd reason look more worn than hers (I don't see any difference between the pieces we hardly ever use vs. the always-used pieces), I will naturally show up with/have shipped to her a brand-new-from-the-original-supplier-who-still-sells-the-exact-same-pattern dish. I might employ the china pen if that's a concern -- I will mark my dishes so there's no question about whether or not it will come off.


Regarding breakage while transporting, I will get some of those felt dish protectors and some packing paper and carefully put them in a box. They survived shipping with this much care, so they should survive a car-ride that way.


I think the really important thing here, and what I will keep in mind is that I will accept any hesitation or negative response immediately. Even if we were to work out concerns amongst us, she/I might no longer feel comfortable. The question must be asked in such a way that if it is refused, it's never thought of/mentioned again.

TootsNYC

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Re: Borrow dishes from guests?
« Reply #21 on: November 20, 2013, 06:30:50 PM »
I'm sure they are looking forward to the day and will be happy to help out in such a small way.

That's such a good point. People keep asking me what they can bring, and I'm like...*I* am making dinner! *you* are the guest! But what I really say is "Please don't feel obligated to bring anything but yourself!" If they insist, I have said "Well, you really don't have to bring ANYTHING, because I'm going to be doing all of the standard stuff, but if there's some special dish and thanksgiving wouldn't be complete without it, you could bring that."

If this friend asks me if she can bring anything, I might (keeping the "out" in mind) ask if she could bring some plates...

One other thought--I've been researching how to organize the hosting of T'giving, and I ran across a food guy's post in which he said, "accept help," and suggested steering people to those things that don't need the stove. And which might be annoying/stressful for you to fit in.

Like, salad. Or dessert.
Or appetizers.


Re: loaning plates. I'd absolutely ask and loan.

BUT...I would be borrowing plates a few days before, and I'd be returning them a few days after.

I would never schedule the borrowing/returning of dinnerware during the dinner itself. That's just too disruptive. And if you're hurrying, that's when things get broken. So don't tell her you'll absolutely clean them and replace before she leaves. Wash them, and pack them up for transport, later. If I were *loaning* you the plates, I'd be annoyed at having to deal with them on the day. It's not like I don't know where you live, and you might keep my plates forever if I don't get them back right away!!

Since you say these dishes aren't the "fine china" category, and that replacements can easily be purchased, if it were me, I'd ask to borrow.

I'd arrange the borrow/return in advance, but I probably wouldn't say, "what if one breaks?" because I'd assume that of course I'd replace it! Either with a good-condition plate from my own stash, or with a new one from the store.


Re: marking dishes.
Try out a china marker, and see if it stays on through the dishwasher or handwashing. If that doesn't, try out a drop of nail polish on the underside, beneath the maker's name. And that's smart--marking yours, not her.

MariaE

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Re: Borrow dishes from guests?
« Reply #22 on: November 21, 2013, 03:50:11 AM »
It's completely normal in my family and my circle of friends to borrow dishes for large events. I wouldn't even think twice about it.

In fact, I'm hosting Christmas Dinner at my place this year (for the first time ever - weee!!!). We'll be 21 people. I have 18 plates myself, and that would leave nothing left for plating stuff to go on the table, so I'll be asking my Mum to borrow a bunch of hers.

We'll eat, I put the dishwasher on while we exchange gifts and eat dessert, cookies and whatnot, and by the time Mum and Dad are ready to go home, the plates will be clean, dry and waiting for them. :)
 
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English1

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Re: Borrow dishes from guests?
« Reply #23 on: November 21, 2013, 06:51:54 AM »
I had no idea some people would be so protective of plates. Each to their own.

But really, how often have you ever been at a family meal and a plate gets broken? Me? Never. And we are a whole bunch of klutzes.

OP - I guess you know your own family and friends and whether they'd be ok with this or not.

Lady Snowdon

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Re: Borrow dishes from guests?
« Reply #24 on: November 21, 2013, 09:06:46 AM »
I had no idea some people would be so protective of plates. Each to their own.

But really, how often have you ever been at a family meal and a plate gets broken? Me? Never. And we are a whole bunch of klutzes.

OP - I guess you know your own family and friends and whether they'd be ok with this or not.

At least three times that I remember growing up, at a holiday dinner someone dropped a plate and shattered it.  And I've shattered my own plates a few times too, in the normal course of washing, drying, and putting away.  Maybe that's why I'm more cautious!  ;) 

wolfie

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Re: Borrow dishes from guests?
« Reply #25 on: November 21, 2013, 09:20:57 AM »
I had no idea some people would be so protective of plates. Each to their own.

But really, how often have you ever been at a family meal and a plate gets broken? Me? Never. And we are a whole bunch of klutzes.

OP - I guess you know your own family and friends and whether they'd be ok with this or not.

I have broken a lot of bowls. But I would be more worried about them breaking during transportation then at the actual dinner. And well... most things we worry about have a low chance of happening - doesn't mean we can stop worrying about it.

TootsNYC

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Re: Borrow dishes from guests?
« Reply #26 on: November 29, 2013, 12:45:53 PM »
It's completely normal in my family and my circle of friends to borrow dishes for large events. I wouldn't even think twice about it.


In my DH's family, they make deliberate purchasing choices based on this. Everybody lives in apartments or not-too-large homes, so they say, "I don't need to purchase a huge suitcase--I'll borrow Anne's" or "Since you're hosting T'giving instead of me, would you like to borrow my turkey roasting pan? They're so huge, it would be silly to buy one. I'll bring it over the weekend before if you want."

My in-laws have the most space, so they have the folding chairs, the folding tables, the huge platters, the oversize suitcases.

If they end up all going on the same "needs a big suitcase" trip together, -then- they go buy stuff.

It was a problem for me and DH--I grew up w/ no extended family within 100 miles or more, so we didn't do this. Plus suitcases were a sign of maturity. So when DH planned to borrow a suitcase to go on our -honeymoon-, I reacted as if I'd just found out I was going to be marrying a child (bcs in my world, grownups own their -own- suitcases).

VorFemme

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Re: Borrow dishes from guests?
« Reply #27 on: November 29, 2013, 10:09:34 PM »
I remember buying a suitcase for myself (a set that was on sale) for my high school graduation present - using cash some dear friends and church members (Dad was the preacher for their church for three years and Mom & Dad their bridge partners for close to twenty years, until the couple passed away). 

Growing up - Mom & Dad had a set of suitcases that Mom (I think it was Mom - it had a makeup case as part of the set) had gotten either for her high school graduation or as a present when she went off to college - or possibly when she got married...when you're eight when you get the explanation of HOW Mom & Dad got something, the explanation doesn't always get remembered clearly over forty years later....

They still have the makeup case - but the rest of that set finally wore out about the time I turned thirty....
Let sleeping dragons be.......morning breath......need I say more?

TootsNYC

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Re: Borrow dishes from guests?
« Reply #28 on: November 30, 2013, 02:55:48 PM »
My mother gave us all a full set of luggage for our 18th b'day or high school graduation. "Because now you can come and go anywhere and anytime you like, without having to ask to borrow luggage." It was intended as a gesture that they considered us to be adults who traveled under their own steam.

Add to that the idea that the baby's clothes when in w/ Mom's; when you got a little older, you shared a small suitcase with a sibling, and it was remarked upon when you got old enough (large enough, really) that you got a small suitcase all to yourself. Then a medium one.

So it was really symbolic for me--but for my DH, it was kinda stupid to junk up your home with a suitcase when you had six or seven aunts/uncles/cousins who would gladly loan you theirs (bcs then they didn't feel stupid having a whole suitcase taking up room for the one trip a year that -they- would use it).

Arila

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Re: Borrow dishes from guests?
« Reply #29 on: December 01, 2013, 11:37:56 PM »
OK Update:

When the Husband and I were speaking on the phone and he said they were coming, it went like this:
H: Can we bring anything?
A: Actually, I have a kind of strange request, so don't feel at all obligated...
H: (a bit warily) OK....
A: Since we have matchy-matchy plates...
H: (laughing!)
A: Can you bring 5 dinner and salad plates?
H: Sure thing -- see you there!

At dinner, I did thank them again and again, and mentioned that I had thought about buying extras, but I was glad they were willing to share, and she laughed at the idea and said of course they were happy to do the favor because who really needs 12 dishes in households of two people?

Also, lots of compliments on dinner, and the turkey came out beautifully!