Author Topic: Christmas drama with my mother  (Read 5191 times)

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eee

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Re: Christmas drama with my mother
« Reply #30 on: December 26, 2013, 06:42:54 PM »
One time the younger sister (Toddler) of a grade school aged cousin tried to grab the scissors from him. When their Mom aske him why he didn't just drop them and call for her. He said then she would have fallen like this  annd pointed the scissors blade at himself. He held on becuase he was afraid he would hurt his sister by letting go. (Sister got a time out. He and his Mom problem solved how he could use his crafts without sister interfering)

Your cousin is unbelievably wise!

Julsie

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Re: Christmas drama with my mother
« Reply #31 on: December 26, 2013, 06:53:45 PM »
I'm very glad that this particular situation has a decent update.  I'd like you to know that I have the same type of mother.  Mine has driven away all of her friends and family and I feel guilty about also being driven away.  My mother makes horrible financial decisions and expects me to "help" her out.  My mother sometimes behaved erratically around my children.

For these and many other reasons, I no longer maintain a rel@tionship with her.  I found the forum at bpdfamily.com (Borderline Personality Disorder) to be very enlightening and helpful for me.  Best wishes to you.

Take2

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Re: Christmas drama with my mother
« Reply #32 on: December 26, 2013, 10:03:10 PM »
I have been trying for a while to thoroughly ignore any passive aggressive tone and take every word she says at face value. I absolutely pretend she means precisely what she is saying, never clarifying or arguing the tone or taking offense. When she huffed out of the house, she said (in a wounded tone) "Well, I am going to go now." I replied in a cheerful tone "OK, drive safely! Merry Christmas!"

Also, she and my first husband hated one another, since each believes him/herself to be the center of the universe. My upgraded husband is very mild mannered and agreeable, and my mother has been happy to feel vindicated by getting along with him. That gives him some power, and gives his cool "OK" a lot of weight.

But really, I have tried everything and never had reasonableness as the outcome with her. I hope it can be repeated, my life could use more non-stressful interactions.

hannahmollysmom

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Re: Christmas drama with my mother
« Reply #33 on: December 27, 2013, 04:09:48 AM »
OP, glad things are working out!

As far as being a grandmother, I can't imagine losing my temper with my grandchildren. I admit I did with my own children, but went to another room and counted to 10 or 100, which ever worked. They were never felt the brunt of my anger. Grandchildren are different. You don't live with them (in most cases) therefore, your patience should be higher. 

You sound like you dealt with it well with your daughter, and she also, but still, that must have been so upsetting for her.

lkdrymom

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Re: Christmas drama with my mother
« Reply #34 on: December 27, 2013, 06:49:20 AM »
I think taking her word literally was an excellent idea.  And I am surprised at how quickly she figured it all out.  Nice job.

Take2

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Re: Christmas drama with my mother
« Reply #35 on: December 27, 2013, 09:12:44 AM »
My kids are very lucky to have a selection of grandmothers. My ex-mil and current mil are both the kind of grandma who dotes on grandkids, showers them with affection and little presents and treats, and shows far more patience with the grandkids than they ever managed with their own children. My kids seem to appreciate these grandmas more than their peers appreciate theirs, I think it is because they know it's not the only way grandmas can be.