General Etiquette > Family and Children

But it's no fun for meeee if you want that gift!

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Daydream:

--- Quote from: Brisvegasgal on November 22, 2013, 05:26:40 PM ---Gifts are as much about the giver as the recipient and I'm not going to give you something that boring.

--- End quote ---

The part I put in bold font here is true, of course, but they both made two mistakes if they hold that point of view -- asking you what you want, and then not accepting your answer. 

So, at this point, I'd just tell them to please not ask me anymore and just get me whatever they want (including "nothing" if that's okay with you), like lots of other people do with their relatives and friends.  Assure them that it is "normal" and "acceptable" to just pick out a present for someone without asking what they want. 

Asking is "normal" too for some people, of course.  But if it's going to cause such unpleasant reactions on their part, I'd ask them to stop. 

Brisvegasgal:
Thanks for the reminder that I need to work out the goal...I was quite upset about their response to my requests. It felt like they were completely disregarding my feelings and they were quite dismissive of me. I will have to rethink what to do.

One question - and this is genuine because I really don't understand - why don't some people want to give gift vouchers? Especially if it is what the recipient wanted?

sweetonsno:
People want to give something tangible because they like putting in the time and effort of buying something and seeing you open it and smile, or watching you use it. They can't see you wear a gift card, serve dinner off of it, or hang it on your wall.

You like a particular clothing store, so I'd imagine that you know what size you wear from there. Why not say that you'd like [X article of clothing] from that store. Let them know what size you want. That way, they can go and choose a sweater, scarf, or dress that they think you'd like.

GrammarNerd:

--- Quote from: Brisvegasgal on November 22, 2013, 07:23:50 PM ---Thanks for the reminder that I need to work out the goal...I was quite upset about their response to my requests. It felt like they were completely disregarding my feelings and they were quite dismissive of me. I will have to rethink what to do.

One question - and this is genuine because I really don't understand - why don't some people want to give gift vouchers? Especially if it is what the recipient wanted?

--- End quote ---

I think they probably want you to ooo and ahhh over their awesome present-choosing capabilities so they feel good.  A gift card/gift certificate doesn't really allow them to do that.

Daydream:
Some people feel it is crass to give gift cards (or money) because it is very obvious how much the giver spent on your gift.  Others (like me) may feel concerned or embarrassed if they wish they could give a larger amount but can't. 

Gift cards are something I have always wanted but have never received. 

Last Christmas, I made the decision to give gift cards to several family members.  I felt uncomfortable with the idea at first, but I actually ended up spending the same amount or more on each person as I had in the past when I'd (happily) spent hours in stores searching for two or more "perfect" gifts for each person.  But, I didn't know if they would realize that. 

It was such a relief to only have to go to a couple of stores, pick out the gift cards appropriate for each person, and be done with my shopping for them!   

(There's some back-story as to how it had become clear that giving, opening, and "appreciating" carefully selected presents was no longer a priority with these relatives, so I was kind of protecting my own feelings with that decision.  And I realized that, surely, if they took the time to think about the dollar amount of each gift card, and the amount of people in their families, they'd know I wasn't being "cheap")

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