Author Topic: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line- Update #109  (Read 14769 times)

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artk2002

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #90 on: November 28, 2013, 10:14:16 PM »
Why not just be honest with her and tell it it's too inconvenient to take her, and unless she gets a nexus card to stop bothering you about going to the states because she's not worth the wait in line. I'm sure she'll understand.

My, that was snarky! Did you really mean to insult the OP like that?
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MariaE

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #91 on: November 29, 2013, 12:44:57 AM »
Why not just be honest with her and tell it it's too inconvenient to take her, and unless she gets a nexus card to stop bothering you about going to the states because she's not worth the wait in line. I'm sure she'll understand.

 :o That was totally uncalled for! 6 pages down the line and you still really think that's what it boils down to?
 
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SoCalVal

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #92 on: November 29, 2013, 01:02:52 AM »
Why not just be honest with her and tell it it's too inconvenient to take her, and unless she gets a nexus card to stop bothering you about going to the states because she's not worth the wait in line. I'm sure she'll understand.

This was pretty mean.  Ask yourself if this response were actually supposed to be helpful or just guilt-trip the OP for not wanting to do something.  If the OP didn't care about trying to convey a response that wouldn't hurt her friend while also not having to do something she really doesn't want to do, she wouldn't bother asking here.



sammycat

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #93 on: November 29, 2013, 01:41:08 AM »
I think the OP is perfectly reasonable in wanting everyone in the car to have a Nexus card, otherwise what was the point in (her) getting one in the first place?

I vote for just being upfront with Friend in a conversational and polite way (which I'm sure the OP would be!). Who knows, maybe this will be the impetus she needs for getting a Nexus card for future trips.

On my holidays to the US I've travelled by (tourist) bus across the border into Mexico a few times. This was a very quick way of doing things and certainly preferable to the 2-3-4-5 hour wait we were informed it would've taken in a private car. (Also to Canada via hire car but that only took about 30 minutes; we must've struck it lucky those days).

If there was an alternative way for people to avoid the long (Mexican) queues by purchasing a Nexus card or equivalent, then I'd think they were crazy for not taking advantage of it. There's no way I'd sit in a car for hours on end because of one person, when everyone else has an alternative and quicker way of bypassing the traffic.

If I didn't have the eligible paperwork, and others did, I certainly wouldn't expect anyone to wait hours for me either.

Victim Of Fate

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #94 on: November 29, 2013, 07:16:55 AM »
I have to say, I am surprised by the number of people who see nothing wrong with telling a friend that you don't want to go on a trip with her unless she has a specific piece of accreditation that will allow priority access.

Can I just clarify, the OP's friend is not asking to join an existing trip, right? If that were the case, I would see nothing wrong with saying "The thing is, we all have Nexus cards, and so you'd be adding a couple of hours to our journey". But that doesn't seem to be the case - instead, the OP's friend is trying to plan a trip herself.

I think that's a key distinction. If Nexus cards didn't exist, if every trip to the US required a 2 hour wait, what would the OP's reaction be to the suggestion of a trip? Essentially, this friend is saying "why don't we go on this day trip?" and the reaction seems to be: "No, because I could do the same trip without you in less time".

I guess it also depends on what the purpose of the trip is. If it's a social trip, then it's basically up to the OP whether or not she wants to spend those extra hours in a car in order to spend time with this particular friend.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #95 on: November 29, 2013, 08:44:49 AM »
I do think previous posters may have it right in that friend may not realize that everyone in the vehicle has to have a Nexus card for them to be able to use the Nexus line.

So if friend suggests, 'Why don't we head over the border for some shopping?' the OP can explain that fact.  And then offer to take her over at a time the border won't be busy so they can get through in a reasonable time without the card.  The next two months would not be that time.   :)
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rigs32

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #96 on: November 29, 2013, 09:27:02 AM »
I have to say, I am surprised by the number of people who see nothing wrong with telling a friend that you don't want to go on a trip with her unless she has a specific piece of accreditation that will allow priority access.

Can I just clarify, the OP's friend is not asking to join an existing trip, right? If that were the case, I would see nothing wrong with saying "The thing is, we all have Nexus cards, and so you'd be adding a couple of hours to our journey". But that doesn't seem to be the case - instead, the OP's friend is trying to plan a trip herself.

I think that's a key distinction. If Nexus cards didn't exist, if every trip to the US required a 2 hour wait, what would the OP's reaction be to the suggestion of a trip? Essentially, this friend is saying "why don't we go on this day trip?" and the reaction seems to be: "No, because I could do the same trip without you in less time".

I guess it also depends on what the purpose of the trip is. If it's a social trip, then it's basically up to the OP whether or not she wants to spend those extra hours in a car in order to spend time with this particular friend.

Let's say a friend wanted to go to another city for a weekend.  It's a quite flight away, so I'm not opposed to the idea.  But friend wants to drive rather than fly.  And she doesn't have a car.  So now, it's going to take several more hours of travel time and I will have to do the driving rather than a pilot.  I don't see how it would be rude of me to say that I would love to go on the trip, but I don't want to drive because of the increased travel time.

Add into the OP's scenario that friend doesn't have a car, so it's OP that must do the start and stop driving and burn her gas.  I have weak ankles and the waiting at the border would actually take a physical toll on me.  Friend just has to ride along as a passenger. 

I might lean toward OP going with friend IF friend had a car and was the one to deal with the traffic and extra gas usage rather than OP.  If the cost of the extra time spent at the border was JUST sitting as a passenger for more time, I think that changes the scenario.  But friend doesn't drive, so she may not realize the extra costs - gas and comfort - in this situation, cost of nexus card aside.

Victim Of Fate

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #97 on: November 29, 2013, 10:24:59 AM »
I have to say, I am surprised by the number of people who see nothing wrong with telling a friend that you don't want to go on a trip with her unless she has a specific piece of accreditation that will allow priority access.

Can I just clarify, the OP's friend is not asking to join an existing trip, right? If that were the case, I would see nothing wrong with saying "The thing is, we all have Nexus cards, and so you'd be adding a couple of hours to our journey". But that doesn't seem to be the case - instead, the OP's friend is trying to plan a trip herself.

I think that's a key distinction. If Nexus cards didn't exist, if every trip to the US required a 2 hour wait, what would the OP's reaction be to the suggestion of a trip? Essentially, this friend is saying "why don't we go on this day trip?" and the reaction seems to be: "No, because I could do the same trip without you in less time".

I guess it also depends on what the purpose of the trip is. If it's a social trip, then it's basically up to the OP whether or not she wants to spend those extra hours in a car in order to spend time with this particular friend.

Let's say a friend wanted to go to another city for a weekend.  It's a quite flight away, so I'm not opposed to the idea.  But friend wants to drive rather than fly.  And she doesn't have a car.  So now, it's going to take several more hours of travel time and I will have to do the driving rather than a pilot.  I don't see how it would be rude of me to say that I would love to go on the trip, but I don't want to drive because of the increased travel time.

Add into the OP's scenario that friend doesn't have a car, so it's OP that must do the start and stop driving and burn her gas.  I have weak ankles and the waiting at the border would actually take a physical toll on me.  Friend just has to ride along as a passenger. 

I might lean toward OP going with friend IF friend had a car and was the one to deal with the traffic and extra gas usage rather than OP.  If the cost of the extra time spent at the border was JUST sitting as a passenger for more time, I think that changes the scenario.  But friend doesn't drive, so she may not realize the extra costs - gas and comfort - in this situation, cost of nexus card aside.

I could be wrong, but I didn't get from the OP that the problem was with the fact that the friend couldn't drive - that was simply the reason why the friend couldn't meet them there (that was my interpretation, anyway). So I think your analogy makes it seem worse.

It seems to me more like someone suddenly being able to afford to take a flight rather than the hypothetically cheaper option of driving (I'm drawing the parallel of the Nexus card being like increased wealth), and then saying "now I can afford to fly, I'm not prepared to drive, even when a friend who can't afford to fly wants to take a trip there, and even though I used to be fine doing the same trip by car."

HorseFreak

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #98 on: November 29, 2013, 10:34:32 AM »
To me the friend not having the Nexus card is actually going to cause the OP money since Friend doesn't drive. 3-4 hours of idling at the border takes a LOT of gas and wear-and-tear on her car. I commute just over a mile each way to work in terrible metro traffic and it has dropped my gas mileage by 1/3. If they split the gas OP is going to be paying extra even though she has a pass that allows her to pass through without a surcharge for hours of idling. If Friend pays the gas she might as well get a card since it will be much cheaper in the long run.

Teenyweeny

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #99 on: November 29, 2013, 10:59:50 AM »
If it's a 2 hour wait each way, then that's 4 hours. 4 hours is a significant fraction of a day trip. A very significant fraction.

I would absolutely liken this to the difference between flying and driving. I can fly from Newcastle to London in a little over an hour. Add on train to central london, and arriving at the airport a little early, this means I can be in London from Newcastle in around 2.5 hours, making for a longish, but doable day trip.

The driving time from Newcastle to London is about 4.5 hours. Still doable in a day, but means that I'd have much less time in London, and the whole experience would be much less enjoyable. If I have the means to fly, I'm gonna fly.

If that means that a friend who can't/won't fly doesn't get to come on this one trip (and remember, it's ONE trip, I wouldn't be dumping them as a friend forever) then I guess that's too bad. I'll hang out with them another day, or we'll do a more practical trip, or maybe we will drive down someday, but not this time.

I think that's perfectly understandable.





Wordgeek

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #100 on: November 29, 2013, 11:05:17 AM »
Miss Tickle is taking a break from the forum.

Victim of Fate, where do you live?  How familiar are you with the Peace Arch border crossing?


Victim Of Fate

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #101 on: November 29, 2013, 11:16:25 AM »
Miss Tickle is taking a break from the forum.

Victim of Fate, where do you live?  How familiar are you with the Peace Arch border crossing?

I'm not familiar with this particular case, as I live in the UK. I was speaking from the details given in the OP. Why do you ask?

Victim Of Fate

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #102 on: November 29, 2013, 11:18:49 AM »
If it's a 2 hour wait each way, then that's 4 hours. 4 hours is a significant fraction of a day trip. A very significant fraction.

I would absolutely liken this to the difference between flying and driving. I can fly from Newcastle to London in a little over an hour. Add on train to central london, and arriving at the airport a little early, this means I can be in London from Newcastle in around 2.5 hours, making for a longish, but doable day trip.

The driving time from Newcastle to London is about 4.5 hours. Still doable in a day, but means that I'd have much less time in London, and the whole experience would be much less enjoyable. If I have the means to fly, I'm gonna fly.

If that means that a friend who can't/won't fly doesn't get to come on this one trip (and remember, it's ONE trip, I wouldn't be dumping them as a friend forever) then I guess that's too bad. I'll hang out with them another day, or we'll do a more practical trip, or maybe we will drive down someday, but not this time.

I think that's perfectly understandable.

But my understanding from the OP was that it was the friend who was suggesting the trip. It would be like a friend who can't fly asking if you wanted to do a road trip to Newcastle, and your reaction being that now that there's a direct flight there, you wouldn't travel to Newcastle any other way, even though you used to drive there when there wasn't a flight.

Wordgeek

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #103 on: November 29, 2013, 11:30:59 AM »
I'm not familiar with this particular case, as I live in the UK. I was speaking from the details given in the OP. Why do you ask?

I'm asking because I'm curious.  It seems like the only people who think the OP is unreasonable are those who are unfamiliar with the area.

I've visited the UK several times, and I can't think of a good analogy.  The drive vs. flight thing is close, but doesn't really capture the thoroughgoing, out and out, unqualified, pestilential, irksome *aggravation* of the lineups at the border crossing. 

ETA I just thought of an analogy: Tourist at Waterloo station in London tried to take a cab to Covent Garden.  In the middle of the morning rush hour.  Cabbie refused, because the drive could easily have taken an hour but on the Underground was about 5 minutes.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2013, 11:34:29 AM by Wordgeek »

Teenyweeny

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #104 on: November 29, 2013, 11:46:12 AM »
If it's a 2 hour wait each way, then that's 4 hours. 4 hours is a significant fraction of a day trip. A very significant fraction.

I would absolutely liken this to the difference between flying and driving. I can fly from Newcastle to London in a little over an hour. Add on train to central london, and arriving at the airport a little early, this means I can be in London from Newcastle in around 2.5 hours, making for a longish, but doable day trip.

The driving time from Newcastle to London is about 4.5 hours. Still doable in a day, but means that I'd have much less time in London, and the whole experience would be much less enjoyable. If I have the means to fly, I'm gonna fly.

If that means that a friend who can't/won't fly doesn't get to come on this one trip (and remember, it's ONE trip, I wouldn't be dumping them as a friend forever) then I guess that's too bad. I'll hang out with them another day, or we'll do a more practical trip, or maybe we will drive down someday, but not this time.

I think that's perfectly understandable.

But my understanding from the OP was that it was the friend who was suggesting the trip. It would be like a friend who can't fly asking if you wanted to do a road trip to Newcastle, and your reaction being that now that there's a direct flight there, you wouldn't travel to Newcastle any other way, even though you used to drive there when there wasn't a flight.

And I'd think that that was understandable.

And it's even more understandable if we remember that the OP went to the time, trouble and expense of getting the Nexus card already.

To draw a closer analogy, that would be like driving from Newcastle to London if I already had a season pass that would mitigate some of the costs of flying, or I'd gone through a particular process to get airmiles, or something.