Author Topic: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line- Update #109  (Read 14969 times)

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GSNW

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #60 on: November 25, 2013, 11:21:43 AM »

Lately she has been suggesting we go down to the U.S. together for a day trip. She knows a lot of us in our circle of friends, including me, have Nexus, but she doesn't. I don't know if it's funds, or what, preventing her from applying for a Nexus card. but she hasn't done anything about applying for one.


This is the part that really stood out to me.  I know OP said her friend is not entitled and I think we can take her word on that.  However, it does seem to me that the friend exhibits a lack of understanding in this case.  She wants to go on a day trip across the border, but has no car.  She wants to go, but has no Nexus card, and it seems that she is aware that the others DO. 

I do not think it's reasonable for her to try and arrange a trip in which other people who have paid for the ease of faster crossing should have to render their cards useless.  If she were driving I would say it's fine for her to expect the others to deal with the long wait, but she's not.

OP, I think others have made good suggestions here so you can pick something straightforward and honest.  This isn't about friendship or company vs the almighty card, and I don't think choosing to use your card devalues the company of your friend.  This is a specific situation in which the friend should be reasonable enough to understand.

eee

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #61 on: November 25, 2013, 12:35:04 PM »
You've bought the pass, so it's completely reasonable for you to use it. I would think it'd be unreasonable of your friend to take that personally.

Hurricane Marathon

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #62 on: November 25, 2013, 12:59:08 PM »
Sooooo....there's no option to just suck up the extra time and enjoy your friend's company?  Help your non-driving friend have a little cross-border shopping and a fun day trip? 

I totally understand why your friend may not feel the need for a Nexus card if she's not traveling to the US often.  There's no point in going through the hassle - to the best of my knowledge you need to go in for an interview and have a police check to get one. Correct me if I'm wrong.  Maybe she doesn't want to shell out the cash and time for something that she really doesn't need. 

But, IMHO, to exclude her from your trips just because it'll take you guys longer to get across the border is petty.  If you didn't have the card yourself you'd be waiting in line with the rest of us. Personally, if it were my friend, I'd take her on my own one day (to not inconvenience the other friends with the card) and enjoy the time together.

(My best friend died. Believe me when I suggest enjoying any time you can get.)

Hmmmmm

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #63 on: November 25, 2013, 01:07:24 PM »
Sooooo....there's no option to just suck up the extra time and enjoy your friend's company?  Help your non-driving friend have a little cross-border shopping and a fun day trip? 

I totally understand why your friend may not feel the need for a Nexus card if she's not traveling to the US often.  There's no point in going through the hassle - to the best of my knowledge you need to go in for an interview and have a police check to get one. Correct me if I'm wrong.  Maybe she doesn't want to shell out the cash and time for something that she really doesn't need. 

But, IMHO, to exclude her from your trips just because it'll take you guys longer to get across the border is petty.  If you didn't have the card yourself you'd be waiting in line with the rest of us. Personally, if it were my friend, I'd take her on my own one day (to not inconvenience the other friends with the card) and enjoy the time together.

(My best friend died. Believe me when I suggest enjoying any time you can get.)

I see it from the other side. The friend is the one needing the favor of the transport across the border. In my opinion it is up to her to make sure she does everything in her power to accomodate those including her in their trip. And if that means spending $10 a year to assure a quicker crossing for her friends who are offering to take her, then she should be willing to do so even if she only crosses once a year.

While it would be nice of the OP to take the friend and sit in line, I don't think it's petty to not offer to do so.

GratefulMaria

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #64 on: November 25, 2013, 01:15:03 PM »
Sooooo....there's no option to just suck up the extra time and enjoy your friend's company?  Help your non-driving friend have a little cross-border shopping and a fun day trip? 

I totally understand why your friend may not feel the need for a Nexus card if she's not traveling to the US often.  There's no point in going through the hassle - to the best of my knowledge you need to go in for an interview and have a police check to get one. Correct me if I'm wrong.  Maybe she doesn't want to shell out the cash and time for something that she really doesn't need. 

But, IMHO, to exclude her from your trips just because it'll take you guys longer to get across the border is petty.  If you didn't have the card yourself you'd be waiting in line with the rest of us. Personally, if it were my friend, I'd take her on my own one day (to not inconvenience the other friends with the card) and enjoy the time together.

(My best friend died. Believe me when I suggest enjoying any time you can get.)

I'm very sorry your friend died.  I do disagree, though, with the differing attitude towards the time of various people in question.

eee

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #65 on: November 25, 2013, 01:21:15 PM »
To me it's sort of similar to having paid for a gym membership and therefore not really wanting to pay drop-in fees to attend a pay-as-you go gym just so your friend can come too. The OP does lots of other things with this friend, so I think she's in the clear if these cross-border trips are kept to the group that's made arrangemnts for efficient travel.

GSNW

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #66 on: November 25, 2013, 01:25:16 PM »
Maybe she doesn't want to shell out the cash and time for something that she really doesn't need. 


I think this is a fair point, but if she "really doesn't need" it, then it stands to reason that she doesn't really need to be included on every trip, especially a trip where time is a factor regarding their shopping goals.  If the OP would like to plan a separate, non-Nexus trip with her friend, that's fine.  Or she can enjoy her company in other ways where the card isn't a factor.  The friend has stated that she wants to go over the border, but doesn't seem to want to make it convenient for the people she expects/has asked to drive her.   

Outdoor Girl

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #67 on: November 25, 2013, 01:26:21 PM »
I'd be happy to spend time with my non-Nexus card carrying friend.  But that time wouldn't be spent sitting in lines at the border.  There are lots of outlet malls on this side of the border; we could spend the day hitting those or doing something else entirely.  And I certainly wouldn't subject other people to sitting in line because this one person doesn't have a Nexus card.

I might consider taking a day off and going through the regular lines with her at a time when the border isn't typically busy.  But with the upcoming silly season, this wouldn't be that time.  And anyone else invited on that particular trip would know that we weren't going through the Nexus line.

If she ever expressed any feelings about being left out of the cross border trips, I'd be frank with her.  'Here's the deal:  all of us who go across the border have Nexus cards.  It allows us to cross in a fraction of the time it would normally take.  If you came with us, we'd have to go through the regular lines which would really cut into our time across the border.  If you would like to get a Nexus card, we'd be happy to include you on those trips.  But if you don't want to get one, that's fine.  We'll just plan other outings that don't involve going over the border.'
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Minmom3

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #68 on: November 25, 2013, 02:57:25 PM »
Sooooo....there's no option to just suck up the extra time and enjoy your friend's company?  Help your non-driving friend have a little cross-border shopping and a fun day trip? 

I totally understand why your friend may not feel the need for a Nexus card if she's not traveling to the US often.  There's no point in going through the hassle - to the best of my knowledge you need to go in for an interview and have a police check to get one. Correct me if I'm wrong.  Maybe she doesn't want to shell out the cash and time for something that she really doesn't need. 

But, IMHO, to exclude her from your trips just because it'll take you guys longer to get across the border is petty. If you didn't have the card yourself you'd be waiting in line with the rest of us. Personally, if it were my friend, I'd take her on my own one day (to not inconvenience the other friends with the card) and enjoy the time together.

(My best friend died. Believe me when I suggest enjoying any time you can get.)

IMO, not wishing to spend up to 4 hours in a car line of park-and-crawl is not petty in the least.  If this is a one day trip, taking 4 hours out of the trip is essentially cutting the day in half.  And that IS a big deal on a shopping dash - at least it is to ME.  I agree with previous posters who suggest telling the friend that this particular trip is just for Nexus card holders; that OP and friend will make their mutual shopping trip another time. 
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SamiHami

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #69 on: November 25, 2013, 03:11:38 PM »
Sooooo....there's no option to just suck up the extra time and enjoy your friend's company?  Help your non-driving friend have a little cross-border shopping and a fun day trip? 

I totally understand why your friend may not feel the need for a Nexus card if she's not traveling to the US often.  There's no point in going through the hassle - to the best of my knowledge you need to go in for an interview and have a police check to get one. Correct me if I'm wrong.  Maybe she doesn't want to shell out the cash and time for something that she really doesn't need. 

But, IMHO, to exclude her from your trips just because it'll take you guys longer to get across the border is petty.  If you didn't have the card yourself you'd be waiting in line with the rest of us. Personally, if it were my friend, I'd take her on my own one day (to not inconvenience the other friends with the card) and enjoy the time together.

(My best friend died. Believe me when I suggest enjoying any time you can get.)

The point is that OP does have the card. Sitting in traffic for a couple of hours is a considerable inconvenience. Her friend is under no obligation to get a card, but she also should understand that it will mean that she is not likely to come with the OP on her shopping excursions. There are lots of ways to enjoy time together as friends...driving into another country is not a requirement of friendship. Perhaps the friend can find another friend that does not have a card to go with. Or she can get a card so as to not inconvenience the OP. Or perhaps she can shop locally or online and forego the border crossing altogether. But I see no reason why the OP sitting in traffic for hours unecessarily is even an consideration. I actually think that is a rather unreasonable option.

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White Lotus

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #70 on: November 26, 2013, 01:53:54 PM »
I am with Outdoor Girl. Not petty at all.
I have Global Entry and Pre-check.  Yes, it was annoying to get and the intrusiveness squicks me.  But I just got back to the US and met someone I know in Duty Free on the other side.  I did not have a second lounge pass.  This person does not travel often and was flying coach, while I was in business, and does not have Global Entry.  We talked, walked toward the gate together, and I peeled off at the airline lounge and said, "Sorry, I don't have a second lounge pass."  She said, "No problem. Enjoy. I have my car at the airport.  Want a ride home?"  "Great, thanks, but I have Global Entry so I'll get out faster."  "It's at Parking Lot.  Want to wait in their lounge -- it is pretty decent -- or catch a cab?"  "I"ll see you at Parking Lot, then, thanks."  We both have cell phones and know how to use them, in case there was a delay. 
No problems, no worries, we visited happily on the ride home.  The mere idea that I would sit at the gate for three hours because I could not take her into the airline lounge, or would forego my Global Entry end run so we could visit while standing in the endless line a 747 produces never occurred to either of us.  I could also have said, "Thanks for the offer, but I'll catch a cab and call you next week," and that wouldn't have been a problem, either.
I think it is fine to say, "Friend, everybody going this trip has Nexus.  If you want to go on this trip, or in a Nexus car, you need to get Nexus.  If you don't, take the bus and meet us at Place."  Near the borders, phone service is usually just fine without getting an international plan, at least where I cross to Canada or Mexico, so "You have my phone number, right?  And I have yours here, so we can update locations when you get through the lines."  Most places have day trip buses available.  I do not see one single thing rude about this, and plenty that is rude about asking a car full of people to wait in a longer line, maybe for hours, because ONE person does not have a fast access pass.

Wordgeek

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #71 on: November 26, 2013, 08:08:12 PM »
Near as I can figure out, opinions are divided along geographical lines.  Those who believe that wanting only Nexus card holders in the car is unreasonable or impolite or unkind seem to be the ones who don't drive over the border.

Or maybe I'm misreading.  Are there any Canadians living near the US border who think it's unreasonable for the OP to require a Nexus pass under the circumstances given?  Those familiar with the Peace Arch crossing in particular.

Outdoor Girl

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #72 on: November 26, 2013, 08:20:02 PM »
Those who believe that wanting only Nexus card holders in the car is unreasonable or impolite or unkind seem to be the ones who don't drive over the border.

Nope.   :)  I very rarely cross the border and don't have a Nexus card and I think it is unreasonable for everyone to have to go through the regular lines to accommodate one person.  I wouldn't drop friend, though; I'd just plan things with her that don't involve crossing the border.  Or I'd plan a trip over with her at a time when it won't be as busy.  So middle of the week, no where near a holiday or any sort of prime shopping time.
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mich3554

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #73 on: November 26, 2013, 09:01:41 PM »
Near as I can figure out, opinions are divided along geographical lines.  Those who believe that wanting only Nexus card holders in the car is unreasonable or impolite or unkind seem to be the ones who don't drive over the border.

Or maybe I'm misreading.  Are there any Canadians living near the US border who think it's unreasonable for the OP to require a Nexus pass under the circumstances given?  Those familiar with the Peace Arch crossing in particular.

I go over Peace Arch regularly.  I live about 20 miles from it and my bf is a Canadian citizen living in the US.  I am a US citizen living with him.  We go over the border almost weekly and the lines are ridiculous.  Both of us have Nexus cards, as does his family.

Recently, his mom let her Nexus card expire and she flat out refused to cross the border without it.

In fact, before I moved out to be with him, I lived in KY.  At the beginning of the relationship, I did not have a Nexus card.  We waited at the border 2+ hours to go to his dad's birthday party because I didn't have a card.  The minute I got back to KY, I applied for a card despite the fact that I lived no where near the border because my lack of one was making border travel so much more difficult for him and I wanted to go with him. 

I don't consider this much different.  The friend wants to go with the OP, and while my bf didnt ask me to get one, I wanted to make our transit easier.


Surianne

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Re: But if you come with me, I have to wait in the regular line
« Reply #74 on: November 26, 2013, 09:50:43 PM »
To answer Wordgeek's question:

I'm Canadian, a couple of hours away from the border, and go over the border fairly regularly (mainly Windsor/Detroit).  I don't mind waiting in the line, and I haven't bothered to get a Nexus card myself.  From *my* perspective, I'd rather spend the time with a friend, and take longer, than exclude the friend.

However, I also think the OP is 100% fine in not wanting to drive a non-Nexus-holding friend. 

There are things in this world that drive me absolutely batty.  For example, I hate getting crappy seats at concerts, so I won't invite friends who won't show up early to get good seats.  So to me, if waiting in line at the border is something that drives the OP batty, it's not rude or unkind at all to decline taking her friend on these trips.  She can show kindness to the friend in other ways, and spend time with her in ways that don't involve border crossings.