One cannot really be rude to the dead. The people it would be rude to, to disrespect the wishes of the dead are the people closest to that person.
In this case, it was the closest people to the deceased who made the decision to do something slightly different and no one should be criticizing them for it. No one outranks a widow and the sons.
When my mom died we used a Cremation Society. I cannot say enough good things about them. They were so respectful and caring. And it was inexpensive. Only $1750 for cremation.
That was my mother's wish. Now, what to do with her ashes after was a little more vague. She and my father wished to have their ashea scattered together somewhere.
My uncle (my mom's brother) was absolutely horrified by this. He felt that it went against his religion which was the same relitgion my mom was.
In order not to offend him, I have my parent's ashes in my home in a dignified place where they are not disturbed. When my uncl eventually passes, I will scatter my parents' ashes together.
It is the best way to honor everyone's wishes living and dead.
My friends and I used to discuss planning the music and readings for our own funerals. I asked a prominemt church musician what music he had planned for his own funeral and he said "You know, you should learn before you die not to control everything and certainly in death be able to let go."
He hadn't planned out his own funeral at all. I think people shoud make certain decisions for themselves but ultimately leave the details to a trusted family member.
After all, if there is anytime to let go, it is defintely after you are dead.