We had this issue a few years ago when my sister's FIL passed. We all knew he didn't want a funeral- laid out in a casket etc. There was a big division in their family because they held a wake- dinner, jazz, booze- just want Grandpa would have wanted. Sister's SIL wanted to do a big funeral anyway but didn't get her way. She's still not speaking to my sister, BIL, or her own mother 5 years later.