Author Topic: father demanding to know law school GPA  (Read 11549 times)

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Adelaide

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father demanding to know law school GPA
« on: November 26, 2013, 05:45:03 PM »
Yesterday I told my parents of my career plans. My father asked what my GPA was (I told him that I wasn't in the top 10% and realistically wasn't getting into one of the powerhouse firms right away), and I told him that was private and personal information I didn't discuss with anyone, even friends. The only people who get our GPA's are employers if they ask-law students don't talk about it. My father advanced two arguments: If I wasn't telling him my GPA I must be ashamed of it, and that he "obviously isn't important enough" to know it. This is something that he's extremely offended about and I can't figure out why. He scoffs at what he calls the "cloak-and-dagger" mentality of law school. To me, this is private information, period.  He's not paying for my schoolwork and it doesn't affect him except (apparently) emotionally.

I've never reached an impasse like this before. I know he's going to bring it up again, but I feel like we're going to rehash the same arguments over and over again, which I don't want to do. I don't know what to say to either a) get him to see my side or b) be quiet about it. Does e-hell have any ideas?

demarco

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Re: father demanding to know law school GPA
« Reply #1 on: November 26, 2013, 05:51:59 PM »
Avoid him for a while. If he brings up the subject the next time you see or talk to him, avoid him some more.

Adelaide

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Re: father demanding to know law school GPA
« Reply #2 on: November 26, 2013, 05:52:50 PM »
Avoid him for a while. If he brings up the subject the next time you see or talk to him, avoid him some more.

Unfortunately I'm home for Thanksgiving. :/

immadz

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Re: father demanding to know law school GPA
« Reply #3 on: November 26, 2013, 05:54:22 PM »
Why does he want to know a number value?


immadz

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Re: father demanding to know law school GPA
« Reply #4 on: November 26, 2013, 05:55:09 PM »
Could you give a non-commital answer... something like I am passing and am reasonably okay. May be he is worried for your future.


Adelaide

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Re: father demanding to know law school GPA
« Reply #5 on: November 26, 2013, 06:01:36 PM »
Could you give a non-commital answer... something like I am passing and am reasonably okay. May be he is worried for your future.

I did that. I told him I was slightly above the middle of my class and he said "Well, the middle on a 4.0 scale is a 2.0, so I'm assuming you have a 2.0 unless you tell me differently. I just said "Okay, I don't really care" and he continued blustering.

JenJay

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Re: father demanding to know law school GPA
« Reply #6 on: November 26, 2013, 06:05:27 PM »
"Dad, that's extremely personal. It would be like me asking how your latest work eval went or what your last merit-based raise was. I know it doesn't seem the same to you, but it is to me. I don't discuss it with anyone so there's no reason for you to feel excluded."

PastryGoddess

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Re: father demanding to know law school GPA
« Reply #7 on: November 26, 2013, 06:07:50 PM »
Just keep repeating that it's none of his business.  and agree with everything he says.  Make it into a joke, see how many words you can use to agree without repeating yourself.  It also helps if you can look at from an anthropologist observing a particularly odd native culture point of view.

If he says it's a 2.0, say yup! 
If he claims you don't love him, say absolutely!
If he says you are ashamed, say yessir!

Lady Snowdon

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Re: father demanding to know law school GPA
« Reply #8 on: November 26, 2013, 06:20:01 PM »
Has he told you why he's so upset about this?  For someone who isn't paying for your education, he really seems emotionally invested!  Can you give him a generic answer of some kind?  For example, when I was getting my MBA, my university required that I keep a 3.0 average or above to continue enrolling, so if my parents asked I could tell them, "Well, I have to have a 3.0 to keep taking classes and there's no worries about that!". 

nolechica

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Re: father demanding to know law school GPA
« Reply #9 on: November 26, 2013, 06:35:39 PM »
Has he told you why he's so upset about this?  For someone who isn't paying for your education, he really seems emotionally invested!  Can you give him a generic answer of some kind?  For example, when I was getting my MBA, my university required that I keep a 3.0 average or above to continue enrolling, so if my parents asked I could tell them, "Well, I have to have a 3.0 to keep taking classes and there's no worries about that!".

My History Masters did as well.

GSNW

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Re: father demanding to know law school GPA
« Reply #10 on: November 26, 2013, 06:41:28 PM »
"If you want to pay my tuition I'll furnish you complete transcripts."

Seriously, though, it's none of his business and you don't want to discuss it.  Don't try explaining why, because that's just going to result in more arguments. 

"I am graduating (date).  I can see that you care, but I'm not discussing it any further."  Repeat.

My parents are losing their minds that I'm not walking for my graduate degree.  I don't feel like it, I find the ceremonies boring and pointless, and the only reason I walked for my undergrad is because they were paying my tuition at that time and I felt that was a fair request.

Kaypeep

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Re: father demanding to know law school GPA
« Reply #11 on: November 26, 2013, 07:10:37 PM »
"Dad, I'd rather not discuss my GPA because the number is not the sole indicator of how I'm doing in school, or what my prospects will be.  There are other things to consider, such as internships, etc.. (I don't know about law school but I assume there are other factors that would help you in seeking a career besides a standalone GPA.)

Dad, my GPA to me, is like your salary to you.  I would never presume to ask your salary and discuss that.  So I hope you can understand that my GPA is like my salary, and right now it's not up for discussion or analysis.  I'm happy to talk about the classes I'm taking, the papers and books I'm working on and the other work I do in the program. But I won't rattle off grades.  I just don't want to be measured up by a GPA."

Calypso

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Re: father demanding to know law school GPA
« Reply #12 on: November 26, 2013, 07:36:00 PM »
I suspect he wants a figure so he can brag about it to his buddies ("Adelaide got a 3.8 at law school" is a more "male" way of putting things than "Adelaide graduated from law school, we're so proud of her" (a more Mom-ish statement)). (Yeah, I'm generalizing gender speak. So sue me  ::) ).

Either that, or he thinks he has a job lead for you, and wants to know if you're qualified for it before he mentions it to you.

Be a lawyer! It sounds like the arguments he's giving you for telling are extremely weak. Can't you razzle dazzle him with lawyer-speak as to why his reasoning is flawed? Why are you getting emotional about this? (It strikes me as counterproductive),

ChiGirl

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Re: father demanding to know law school GPA
« Reply #13 on: November 26, 2013, 08:59:35 PM »
Well, you could take the more extreme-but-consistent approach: "Dad, I know you care about me, but I really don't want to talk about school at all; I'd rather you be my parent and not my career counselor.  How about them Red Sox?"

Ceallach

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Re: father demanding to know law school GPA
« Reply #14 on: November 26, 2013, 09:34:23 PM »
I personally would just tell as I don't get the secrecy around family, but obviously that's a personal decision.    So given you really don't want to tell him and he's already ignored your clearly stated feelings on the topic, I think you will have to lay on some very heavy beandip!
"Nobody can do everything, but everybody can do something"