Author Topic: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving  (Read 3922 times)

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BuffaloFang

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #15 on: November 27, 2013, 10:29:02 AM »
Thanks for making me feel a little better about refusing...

To clarify, friend has offered to pay for half the food before this whole request, but I turned it down partly because I was hosting and would never take money, but also because I insist on purchasing specific ingredients (that can be twice as expensive or more) due to personal beliefs that nobody else shares.  They had also offered to do kitchen clean up, so I suspect the reason is she just feels more comfortable at their house. I was unable to get a concrete answer as to why it needed to be there.

Edited to add: Inviting her over to help cook is a good idea, since it partially sounded like she wanted the social aspect of cooking too... ill try that and see if that was her problem.
« Last Edit: November 27, 2013, 10:34:54 AM by BuffaloFang »

JenJay

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #16 on: November 27, 2013, 11:19:00 AM »
No, no, no. A guest doesn't get to call you up and say "Hey, quick change of plans, I don't feel like coming to your house so just pack up all that food you bought and prepared and bring it on over to my place, k? Thanks!"

You stood your ground and that was a good thing! Their request was ridiculous. If they choose to make the drive to your place, great, and if they choose not to, well whatever. Those are their only options. Don't feel bad!

GlitterIsMyDrug

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #17 on: November 27, 2013, 11:29:23 AM »
What the....how drunk were they when they came up with this plan?

Thanksgiving is tomorrow. If she wants to host Christmas at her house, then now's a great time to plan that, but when you said "Hey everyone, we can do Thanksgiving at my place if you'd like" that was the time for her to speak up and say "You know I'd really love to host Thanksgiving at my place this year, if that's alright with everyone", not after plans have already been made. And the solution is not "bring everything over here and cook it", if she wants to be part of the cooking she could've asked "Would you mind if I came over early to help you cook? I'd really like to learn some more about cooking a roast beast", at which point you could accept her help (if it'll actually help) or decline (if she'd probably burn the kitchen down).

You're fine, they're nuts.

Winterlight

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #18 on: November 27, 2013, 11:59:10 AM »
If you want to host, announcing it the day before the event is very poor timing.
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Amara

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #19 on: November 27, 2013, 12:02:44 PM »
Wow, the gall! Friend A and Wife are very rude. I would have simply said, "We'll miss you then."

Kaypeep

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #20 on: November 27, 2013, 12:04:24 PM »
Thanks for making me feel a little better about refusing...

To clarify, friend has offered to pay for half the food before this whole request, but I turned it down partly because I was hosting and would never take money, but also because I insist on purchasing specific ingredients (that can be twice as expensive or more) due to personal beliefs that nobody else shares.  They had also offered to do kitchen clean up, so I suspect the reason is she just feels more comfortable at their house. I was unable to get a concrete answer as to why it needed to be there.

Edited to add: Inviting her over to help cook is a good idea, since it partially sounded like she wanted the social aspect of cooking too... ill try that and see if that was her problem.

NO NO NO NO!!!  Remember, NO GOOD DEED GOES UNPUNISHED!  Leave well enough alone.  You don't want another chef in the kitchen who has their own way of doing things and doesn't know how your kitchen is set up.  Don't invite trouble.  if you want, call and ask her if she wants to bring a side dish or dessert, if she has a specialty. But do not invite her over to cook! 

Drunken Housewife

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #21 on: November 27, 2013, 12:25:50 PM »
They tried to hijack your party at the last minute.  You are so sweet to be questioning yourself over not being a doormat. 

Inviting her to come early and help you cook is a very gracious thing. 
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sammycat

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #22 on: November 27, 2013, 03:22:34 PM »
I think this was one of those times when it was definitely rude to even ask. I can't even begin to think why they thought was a good idea.

ETA: I'm so glad you stood your ground and this didn't turn into one of those stories where readers are gnashing their teeth over the poster's lack of spine.  :)
« Last Edit: November 27, 2013, 03:24:43 PM by sammycat »

hannahmollysmom

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #23 on: November 28, 2013, 02:14:42 AM »
Kudos to you! What they were asking was totally unreasonable!

Sounds like you have a great dinner planned. Enjoy!

Lindee

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #24 on: November 28, 2013, 02:43:17 AM »
Apart from the unbelievable rudeness of  their request the bit I really liked was it was too far for them to drive so they would prefer you to make the drive instead.

Tia2

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #25 on: November 28, 2013, 03:04:39 AM »
OP, tell your guilty feelings to get out of your head.

Friend A's wife wanted you to pay for and to haul all the food to her house so that she could have the pleasure of helping you cook? Oh please......  ::)

Has she ever been in your shoes and been asked the same thing? I'm guessing not. I've done what she had asked of you, and it's not fun. In fact, it's one thing I've put my foot down and decided never(!)again(!).  It's just too much.

You are not a catering company!

And most catering companies (including the personal chef ones that use the client's kitchen) take a van full of their personal equipment because they know how hard it is to cook with unfamiliar tools.  I might be willing to throw together a quick meal for a family with a member in hospital (for example) in their kitchen, but not a major production like Thanksgiving (or Christmas or Easter or any other significant intricate meal).

blarg314

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #26 on: November 28, 2013, 07:46:11 PM »

When I saw the first posting I wondered if these people had ever actually cooked a full Thanksgiving meal? When I do a holiday dinner, I do it over two days. The pie and squash gets baked the day before, and the bread prepped for stuffing, so it can cool. The day of, given three hours cooking time for the turkey, it takes about a five hour period - wiping down the kitchen and rearranging stuff before wrestling large raw poultry, stuffing and trussing the bird and rubbing it with butter, getting it in the oven, washing down the kitchen after the turkey goes in, and then doing the other dishes. I've got all the serving dishes and spoons plotted out, based on size and what I'm serving. Then the turkey comes out and needs to rest while I rush around doing six things at once - making gravy, microwaving the squash to reheat, steaming vegetables, doing the final prep on other dishes, then carving and serving the turkey.

For equipment, I'd need to pack the roaster, rack and baster, about four or five pots and pans, kitchen twine, my good kitchen scissors, chef's knife, carving set and paring knife, about six serving dishes and assorted serving utensils, a couple of mixing bowls and a mixer, spatulas, strainer, spoons, colander, grater, a few small bowls, a whisk, tongs, measuring cups and spoons, cutting boards, lemon juicer, foil, saran wrap,  plus, in addition to the main ingredients, sugar, salt, pepper grinder, flour, various herbs and spices, fresh lemons, butter, cream, milk, olive oil, wine vinegar, and a spray bottle of white vinegar for cleaning.

gramma dishes

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #27 on: November 28, 2013, 09:37:12 PM »
Apart from the unbelievable rudeness of  their request the bit I really liked was it was too far for them to drive so they would prefer you to make the drive instead.

Not just make the drive.  Make the drive, both directions, with both raw and cooked food and possibly utensils and other kitchen objects.  Haul it all out to the car, arrange it in the trunk or the back seat so that it doesn't tip over, haul it all out again at their house and make several trips in and out carrying the stuff and then eat.  Lather, rinse and repeat in reverse for the trip home. 

What on earth were they thinking??

Miss Tickle

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #28 on: November 28, 2013, 10:15:02 PM »

...but now I feel like I'm forcing people over to my house to be merry, darn it!

 How do you get over this feeling?  Was I rude to insist on the original plan?  I know it's silly, and I probably could have managed in their kitchen, but I really just didn't want to deal with having to find the spices, making sure I packed all the necessary ingredients up, etc.  Fortunately Friend B's objection tipped the scales, but I still feel bad about it.

The fact that you even for a moment considered upending your plans at the slightest whim of someone who didn't have the nerve to call you herself, and you feel guilty for not being able to bend far enough at the last minute on top of that? You sound like you deserve a vacation.

How was dinner?

Otterpop

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #29 on: November 29, 2013, 01:11:48 AM »
Add me to the flabbergasted crowd.  Cooking a Thanksgiving meal at your OWN house is a huge production.  Hauling all your stuff to cook and serve so someone else can "host" is just nuts.

Did they just move into a new house, renovate or get a new big screen?  In my experience, when people try to hijack an event and move it their place, it's usually to show something off.  If it was just for "socializing" they could just have easily come over to your place and help you cook.  Or, does the wife have social anxiety?  Do you have any idea why she would come up with this at the last minute (trying to wrap my head around it)?

OP, you're lucky this couple did not split the group with a rival dinner.  How did it go?