Author Topic: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving  (Read 4180 times)

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BarensMom

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #30 on: November 29, 2013, 12:03:36 PM »
I did this.  I bought the pre-cooked turkey dinner from the grocery store (big box), apple cider, my old knives and block, serving utensils from the dollar store, tablecloth, paper and plastic stuff, etc., and took it all over to my SIL's apartment.  Because SIL lives in a secure senior facility, I had to park outside her apartment and hand stuff over her patio wall.  It was a pain, but SIL is disabled, so this way we had a nice dinner without a lot of clean-up.

However, SIL and I agreed that if we get together for Christmas, we'll head to Nation's and have turkey burgers and pie instead.

However, for young, healthy people to try to guilt-trip someone into doing that much work so they don't have to be inconvenienced by getting into their car and driving to the food is mind-bogglingly selfish.

TootsNYC

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #31 on: November 29, 2013, 12:37:03 PM »
I think you were wrong.

Now, wait, hear me out.

I think you were wrong for not getting offended and letting it show.
I think you were wrong for not saying, "What? No, sorry Friend A, but I invited you to -my- Thanksgiving dinner. If you would like to have your own, that would be fine. We'll miss you."

And hanging up.

And immediately calling everyone you had invited (or a mass text) to say, "Just got the turkey! And the fixings--hope you like brussels sprouts in bacon! I'm looking forward to all the cooking, so I hope you're looking forward to the food! This is going to be fun."

Then when FriendA calls and asks them to come to his house instead of yours, they can say, "Oh, no, I can't, BuffaloFang bought the food already."

Seriously, sometimes we get so focused on being nice that we go there first, when really the appropriate response is, "I -beg- your pardon!"

So, yes, you JADE-ed when you really would have been more powerful to NOT.

Phenomenally rude of them. Just amazingly rude. Incredible.

Apart from the unbelievable rudeness of  their request the bit I really liked was it was too far for them to drive so they would prefer you to make the drive instead.

Actually, it wasn't their drive that they were worried about:
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Also, they live very far away, so Friend B didn't want to drive that far. . . . Fortunately Friend B's objection tipped the scales,

Friend B didn't want to go to -their- house.

And ditto on the "DON'T CALL THAT WOMAN AND INVITE HER TO HELP YOU COOK!"
(sorry to yell)
Look, she's rude and whiney and selfish and has zero idea of the timing aspects of cooking a large meal and has no boundaries--I'm not being gratuitously insulting; all of these negative attributes are easily deduced from the first request, and greatly underlined by her apparently "begrudging" "agreement" to come to Thanksgiving at your place. And you thought you "ought" to extend this favor to her? That you ought to worry about making her comfortable

You've learned something very important about those friends.

You asked this:
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How do you get over this feeling? 

I think you get over it by realizing how incredibly presumptuous they were to ask.

Then, of course, you have to get over THAT feeling (nearly being taken advantage of. Going for a long walk will help. As will minimizing the things you invite them for.
   And realizing that they are this way, and forgiving them for it. But you also don't

TootsNYC

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #32 on: November 29, 2013, 12:41:33 PM »
Oh, and *I* felt guilty about taking the fresh turkey a cousin gets from work and roasting it for the family Thanksgiving.

I had tried to negotiate who would host among the 3 of us who had expressed interest, and she didn't reply, so I said, "since I haven't heard from B., I'm going to go ahead." and then she said, "yes, go ahead, I'd love to but we really can't this year, because [reasons]."

Then my MIL got involved with talking w/ her and her mom about the turkey B. gets every year, and B. said to me (and B's Mom said to her), "We could roast the turkey and bring it over."

My DH said, "what's the point of hosting TGiving if you don't roast the turkey," and I said, "well, I was planning to roast it, and I'd planned to buy one, and it would be really hard to transport."

But I worried I was being greedy over the turkey (though I wasn't--I'd have been happy to purchase one).

That "we'll roast and bring our turkey" was pretty mild in comparison! (And all came out fine in the end.)

BuffaloFang

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #33 on: November 29, 2013, 11:49:14 PM »
So it ended up being fine.  She did text me and ask to help, so I invited her over to help with the cooking.  Most of it was just socializing, and everything turned out well.  She did claim Christmas though, so I think it was really just a matter of wanting to host.  It turns out this was her first thanksgiving without her family; and, I suspect her family wasn't really into the making everything from scratch approach (more of a let's throw all the cans together and voila! Done! approach, which I can see being quite a time-saver)  so she really had no idea how long things would take and how much I had as far as ingredients.

Maybe I should pull the same thing she did around Christmas  >:D

JenJay

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Re: Now I feel guilty about hosting Thanksgiving
« Reply #34 on: November 30, 2013, 11:52:00 PM »
So it ended up being fine.  She did text me and ask to help, so I invited her over to help with the cooking.  Most of it was just socializing, and everything turned out well.  She did claim Christmas though, so I think it was really just a matter of wanting to host.  It turns out this was her first thanksgiving without her family; and, I suspect her family wasn't really into the making everything from scratch approach (more of a let's throw all the cans together and voila! Done! approach, which I can see being quite a time-saver)  so she really had no idea how long things would take and how much I had as far as ingredients.

Maybe I should pull the same thing she did around Christmas  >:D

I wouldn't. It sounds like you might end up hearing "Thank goodness you called. We'll bring it right over!"  :P

Glad it all worked out!