General Etiquette > Family and Children

If someone chooses not to attend an event, are they owed a doggy bag?

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123sandy:
No one is owed or entitled to a doggy bag but personally I would have felt awful walking in with a plate for one person and nothing for the other, and it would have spoiled my enjoyment of the meal if I was the one eating it. I think, in this case, it was petty to leave Bob out.

petal:
In my opinion, if Bob decided he didnt want to spend time on Thanksgiving with people who had invited him out of kindness and friendship then he certainly wasnt entitled to anything.

no one owed him a single thing and it wasnt even close to being petty not to bring a doggy bag home for someone who didnt want to be in your company.

sammycat:

--- Quote from: petal on December 04, 2013, 09:45:23 AM ---In my opinion, if Bob decided he didnt want to spend time on Thanksgiving with people who had invited him out of kindness and friendship then he certainly wasnt entitled to anything.

no one owed him a single thing and it wasnt even close to being petty not to bring a doggy bag home for someone who didnt want to be in your company.

--- End quote ---

My opinion too.

blarg314:

--- Quote from: Free Range Hippy Chick on November 29, 2013, 01:06:56 PM ---
I think Teenyweeny's right in general, though. We in the UK do not get this as a concept. If you don't finish your meal in a UK restaurant, you don't ask to have the remainder boxed to take away.

--- End quote ---

I think part of the issue is typical American restaurant portion sizes - it's frequently difficult to order a meal that you can physically finish in one sitting, let alone  enjoy a meal with an appetizer and/or dessert. If I'm out for dinner with friends, and feel like actually ordering a main course rather than just a salad (and maybe even enjoying an appetizer, or piece of cake after the meal), I'll do so with the plan to have half my food boxed up for a meal the next day. Otherwise, I'm stuck eating nothing but appetizers or salads and never a main, or throwing away half the food I order.

In the OP's situation - I could see sending leftovers home from a holiday dinner for family members or friends who can't make it - the host has an ongoing relationship with these people.  But in this case the person in question doesn't actually have any relationship with the hosts - they were asked solely because they were the roommate of the family member. Plus, the invitee turned down the invitation because he didn't actually want to spend time with these people. Expecting a meal to be boxed up and sent home for him under those circumstances is pretty special snowflake, and I suspect it will mean that he doesn't get any further invitations.

oogyda:

--- Quote from: 123Sandy on December 04, 2013, 05:54:49 AM ---No one is owed or entitled to a doggy bag but personally I would have felt awful walking in with a plate for one person and nothing for the other, and it would have spoiled my enjoyment of the meal if I was the one eating it. I think, in this case, it was petty to leave Bob out.

--- End quote ---

I agree with this.  It sounds like Uncle Chatterbox lives with you as as Bob and it would have been awkward for me to be the one ultimately having to pass on SIL's policy. 

I also take issue with SIL's policy.  It sounds very ungracious for her to pass judgment on the worthiness of a person's reason.  It's ungracious for a host/hostess to demand a reason anyway.  It certainly doesn't seem like she would accept "I have other plans." without pressing for details so she could decide whether or not to send a plate. 

Bob sounds like a class A donkey, but that doesn't actually contribute to my opinion at all.

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