Author Topic: Cookie swap allergy requests?  (Read 4464 times)

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Knitterly

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Cookie swap allergy requests?
« on: November 29, 2013, 02:55:11 PM »
I have been invited to a cookie swap party.  I'm looking forward to it.  I have already RSVP'd.  My husband has a nut allergy and so we have a nut free home. 

One guest mentioned that she was planning on making something with nuts.  Another guest nearly always brings nut-based cookies to playgroup. 

There aren't that many people going.  At least one other invitee (not sure if she's attending) has a child with a nut allergy.

Would it be very rude to email the hostess and ask that she make it a nut free party?  I am afraid that if I go and 2 or 3 people bring nut cookies, I will not be able to participate in the swap. 

I'm thinking of something along the lines of :
"Hey Sue,
Would it be horrible to ask for a nut-free party?  I don't want to be a pain in the butt, and I feel like I am being that just by asking.  Mr K has a nut allergy and we have a nut-free household as a result.   
I know Janet said she's bringing almond cookies, and Jodie frequently makes cookies with nuts in them for playgroup.  But Mr K is allergic to nuts and we keep a nut free home.  I'm a little worried that I'll get there and find half or more of the cookies will have nuts in them.
I'll make something other than the Rum Balls I was planning on, since I know Janet doesn't like Rum Balls (I'll probably do a batch of rum balls and a batch of sugar cookies so I have something to exchange)."

I kinda feel like my alternative would be to just change my mind and not go, but that's a really extreme reaction as these are all pretty close friends.
(At least, they are close to me, not actually close to Mr K, so there is no reasonable way to expect them to remember that he has a nut allergy.)

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Cookie swap allergy requests?
« Reply #1 on: November 29, 2013, 03:13:55 PM »
I would email the hostess to change your RSVP to 'No' but tell her why.  'Sue, a number of other people have said they are bringing cookies with nuts in them, which unfortunately, Mr. Knitterly is allergic to.  So I won't be able to participate after all.'

I do think it would be rude to ask the hostess to change the parameters of the party.  If she offers to when you decline, that's fine.  Or maybe you could ask if it was OK if you came for the party but didn't participate in the cookie swap due to the allergy.  That way, you could enjoy the comraderie but not worry about taking cookies home.  Maybe bring a small plate of something to share at the time, not to be included in the swap.
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rashea

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Re: Cookie swap allergy requests?
« Reply #2 on: November 29, 2013, 03:15:20 PM »
I'm not sure why you can't just swap with people who bring cookies without nuts? Yes, I suppose you wouldn't get as many back, but maybe you can trade with people.
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Vermont

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Re: Cookie swap allergy requests?
« Reply #3 on: November 29, 2013, 03:18:00 PM »
I'm not sure why you can't just swap with people who bring cookies without nuts? Yes, I suppose you wouldn't get as many back, but maybe you can trade with people.

I'd be worried about cross contamination.  I've done a swap before and you just go around the table picking up cookies.  The chances of getting nuts into the nut free one would be too high.  If everyone brings their cookies pre-packaged and you just have to pick up the container, this could work.  But what if someone opens their nutty cookies on the spot?  It's risky for severe allergies.
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magicdomino

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Re: Cookie swap allergy requests?
« Reply #4 on: November 29, 2013, 03:44:41 PM »
I'm not sure why you can't just swap with people who bring cookies without nuts? Yes, I suppose you wouldn't get as many back, but maybe you can trade with people.

I'd be worried about cross contamination.  I've done a swap before and you just go around the table picking up cookies.  The chances of getting nuts into the nut free one would be too high.  If everyone brings their cookies pre-packaged and you just have to pick up the container, this could work.  But what if someone opens their nutty cookies on the spot?  It's risky for severe allergies.

Cookies are good, but nut allergies are nasty enough that the cookies aren't worth the risk.  Even asking people to bring only nut-free cookies brings the risk of someone not understanding that nut-free means washing utencils thoroughly if a previous recipe contained nuts; that ground almonds are not flour; that you shouldn't snack on pecans while rolling the dough into balls, etc.

SamiHami

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Re: Cookie swap allergy requests?
« Reply #5 on: November 29, 2013, 03:50:30 PM »
I'm not sure why you can't just swap with people who bring cookies without nuts? Yes, I suppose you wouldn't get as many back, but maybe you can trade with people.

I'd be worried about cross contamination.  I've done a swap before and you just go around the table picking up cookies.  The chances of getting nuts into the nut free one would be too high.  If everyone brings their cookies pre-packaged and you just have to pick up the container, this could work.  But what if someone opens their nutty cookies on the spot?  It's risky for severe allergies.

Hm. Every cookie swap I've ever attended, we prepackaged the cookies (usually in cute little holiday themed ziploc baggies or something similar), so the likelihood of cross contamination would be much lower. I've never been to one where that wasn't the case. Regional differences, I suppose?

While I don't think OP should request that all the cookies be nut free, I don't think she'd be out of line to ask suggest that people pre-package them, unless that is just completely unheard of in that area.

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SiotehCat

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Re: Cookie swap allergy requests?
« Reply #6 on: November 29, 2013, 03:56:54 PM »
I think it would be very rude for the OP to request anything. It's not her party. She was invited. And she accepted the invitation knowing that two of the guests frequently make cookies with nuts.

I also think it puts Sue in a very uncomfortable position.
« Last Edit: November 29, 2013, 03:59:07 PM by SiotehCat »

Zizi-K

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Re: Cookie swap allergy requests?
« Reply #7 on: November 29, 2013, 04:00:20 PM »
My friends and I ran into this problem as well. We don't have allergies, but significant others or children do. So the party became a cooking-eating party rather than a cookie swapping party. Some exchange still takes place, but the point isn't to make a dozen for each person, more like 3-4 cookies per person. They can be taken or not, and there's no problem with quantities.

I would just go to the party to eat and socialize, bring cookies to give away (or just enough to sample).

peaches

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Re: Cookie swap allergy requests?
« Reply #8 on: November 29, 2013, 04:01:37 PM »
I would email the hostess to change your RSVP to 'No' but tell her why.  'Sue, a number of other people have said they are bringing cookies with nuts in them, which unfortunately, Mr. Knitterly is allergic to.  So I won't be able to participate after all.'

I do think it would be rude to ask the hostess to change the parameters of the party.  If she offers to when you decline, that's fine.  Or maybe you could ask if it was OK if you came for the party but didn't participate in the cookie swap due to the allergy.  That way, you could enjoy the comraderie but not worry about taking cookies home.  Maybe bring a small plate of something to share at the time, not to be included in the swap.

POD

Knitterly

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Re: Cookie swap allergy requests?
« Reply #9 on: November 29, 2013, 04:48:02 PM »
:headdesk:

Apparently it's all a moot point anyway.  Mr K forgot about my function and committed himself to a work event that night.  In our house, work takes precedence over social functions every time, so he gets the car and I can't go.  :(

So my rsvp will be changed to a no anyway.

I am kind of sad, despite the nut dilemna.

magicdomino

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Re: Cookie swap allergy requests?
« Reply #10 on: November 29, 2013, 04:58:53 PM »
:headdesk:

Apparently it's all a moot point anyway.  Mr K forgot about my function and committed himself to a work event that night.  In our house, work takes precedence over social functions every time, so he gets the car and I can't go.  :(

So my rsvp will be changed to a no anyway.

I am kind of sad, despite the nut dilemna.

Mr. K owes you cookies. 

Knitterly

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Re: Cookie swap allergy requests?
« Reply #11 on: November 29, 2013, 05:43:54 PM »
:headdesk:

Apparently it's all a moot point anyway.  Mr K forgot about my function and committed himself to a work event that night.  In our house, work takes precedence over social functions every time, so he gets the car and I can't go.  :(

So my rsvp will be changed to a no anyway.

I am kind of sad, despite the nut dilemna.

Mr. K owes you cookies.

Yes.

Yes, he does. 

 :(

sparksals

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Re: Cookie swap allergy requests?
« Reply #12 on: November 29, 2013, 05:51:09 PM »
I think it would be very rude for the OP to request anything. It's not her party. She was invited. And she accepted the invitation knowing that two of the guests frequently make cookies with nuts.

I also think it puts Sue in a very uncomfortable position.


I totally agree with this.  It is completely inappropriate to ask.  I think it is ok to change your rsvp to no and say why, if asked.


Lynnv

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Re: Cookie swap allergy requests?
« Reply #13 on: November 29, 2013, 06:45:13 PM »
I think it would be very rude for the OP to request anything. It's not her party. She was invited. And she accepted the invitation knowing that two of the guests frequently make cookies with nuts.

I also think it puts Sue in a very uncomfortable position.


I totally agree with this.  It is completely inappropriate to ask.  I think it is ok to change your rsvp to no and say why, if asked.

Me too.  As a guest, I would back out if the host asked me to comply.  I am not comfortable that my kitchen would be up to the standards needed by someone with a severe enough allergy to require a nit-free environment.   
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Outdoor Girl

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Re: Cookie swap allergy requests?
« Reply #14 on: November 29, 2013, 07:17:06 PM »
Me too.  As a guest, I would back out if the host asked me to comply.  I am not comfortable that my kitchen would be up to the standards needed by someone with a severe enough allergy to require a nit-free environment.

Well, one would hope that your kitchen is nit free.   ;D

But I do agree; I make pecan balls and almond crescents as some of my Christmas cookies so I would be uncomfortable bringing nut-free because I wouldn't be able to to guarantee that my nut-free cookies were in fact nut-free.
I have CDO.  It is like OCD but with the letters in alphabetical order, as they should be.
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