Author Topic: I don't really know what to think of this.  (Read 6501 times)

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Nikko-chan

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I don't really know what to think of this.
« on: November 30, 2013, 06:30:07 PM »
So on Thursday my family had their Thanksgiving meal. Little Cousin 1 has a birthday in November, and it is tradition that she gets her cards and gifts from everyone excluding her mom and grandparents on Thanksgiving. We have cake, sing happy birthday, etc.

So we sang happy birthday, everyone got cake and various other desserts, and we scattered away to eat them. Normally we are all called back in from what we are doing to watch the Birthday Girl open gifts and cards.

This year Little Cousin 1 didn't want to wait apparently, and opened the gifts and cards with no one watching, and with not even a thank you for what she had been given.

For the record ehellions, Little Cousin 1 is twelve. Old enough, I believe, to know better.

Am I right in this assumption, that at 12 years old she should know her pleases and thank yous, and know to wait to open gifts?

And a further question that has been nagging at me... at what age did you learn to wait to open your gifts? What about learning please and thank you?

I remember being young, and being told "you have to wait" every year at christmas. I suppose by seven or so I knew better. Being gently chastised by my mother at every Christmas and birthday for seven years did the trick, not to mention listening to five other cousins get chastised as well.

As for please and thank you... I don't really remember the age. But I do know I learned it!

LadyL

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Re: I don't really know what to think of this.
« Reply #1 on: November 30, 2013, 06:35:35 PM »
I wouldn't care about not seeing her open the gifts. Some people find that sort of thing awkward, being the center of attention. I do think that a thank you is required though.

veronaz

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Re: I don't really know what to think of this.
« Reply #2 on: November 30, 2013, 06:40:22 PM »
By 12 she should know better.  Not thanking people was rude.

I taught my nephew to say "Please" at age 2 - it was so cute, he would shout "PEEEEEEEESE" (omitting the 'l').  After giggling we would tell him not to shout.

Mergatroyd

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Re: I don't really know what to think of this.
« Reply #3 on: November 30, 2013, 07:29:13 PM »
At 12 she should know better. I hope she's not developing into a SS.  It's part of the birthday party deal- you want the gifts, you take the attention too. If she is getting embarrassed from being the centre of attention then perhaps it is time to separate her birthday celebrations from the holiday.

citadelle

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Re: I don't really know what to think of this.
« Reply #4 on: November 30, 2013, 08:04:38 PM »
I wish she'd said thanks, but I don't blame her, especially at that age, for not wanting to make gift opening a spectacle. It is possible that it wasn't a matter of being unable to wait, but wanting to be more discreet.

gramma dishes

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Re: I don't really know what to think of this.
« Reply #5 on: November 30, 2013, 08:10:38 PM »
I wish she'd said thanks, but I don't blame her, especially at that age, for not wanting to make gift opening a spectacle. It is possible that it wasn't a matter of being unable to wait, but wanting to be more discreet.

It might also be possible that at twelve, she's finally begun to realize that every. single. year her birthday gets lumped into Thanksgiving festivities.  Maybe she just feels that her birthday obviously isn't important enough to be celebrated on its own merit (as possibly her cousins' birthdays may be) and it's just not as fun for her as it seems to be for all the adults at her "party".  It's as though she's an "also ran" part of the main event, which is NOT her birthday.

Hopefully, you'll all receive Thank You notes.  Yes.  That is important.  But I confess to feeling just a wee teeny bit sorry for her. 

TootsNYC

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Re: I don't really know what to think of this.
« Reply #6 on: November 30, 2013, 08:14:12 PM »
I can also see her just not wanting to wait for all the effort and hooplah involved in calling everyone back in to witness the present opening. How long would it take, how much "everyone come now, it's time!" kind of yelling around, and now it's a whole big production!


Nikko-chan

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Re: I don't really know what to think of this.
« Reply #7 on: November 30, 2013, 08:18:41 PM »
I wish she'd said thanks, but I don't blame her, especially at that age, for not wanting to make gift opening a spectacle. It is possible that it wasn't a matter of being unable to wait, but wanting to be more discreet.

It might also be possible that at twelve, she's finally begun to realize that every. single. year her birthday gets lumped into Thanksgiving festivities.  Maybe she just feels that her birthday obviously isn't important enough to be celebrated on its own merit (as possibly her cousins' birthdays may be) and it's just not as fun for her as it seems to be for all the adults at her "party".  It's as though she's an "also ran" part of the main event, which is NOT her birthday.

Hopefully, you'll all receive Thank You notes.  Yes.  That is important.  But I confess to feeling just a wee teeny bit sorry for her.

You might be right, though she only has one other cousin, and we actually don't normally get together for that cousins birthday, like, ever.  Her mother actually has something similar (born near christmas and celebrated on christmas day with a cake)

Unfortunately I can tell you we will not receive a thank you note. Little Cousin 1 has probably not heard of them :/


AnnaJ

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Re: I don't really know what to think of this.
« Reply #8 on: November 30, 2013, 08:22:49 PM »
I wish she'd said thanks, but I don't blame her, especially at that age, for not wanting to make gift opening a spectacle. It is possible that it wasn't a matter of being unable to wait, but wanting to be more discreet.

It might also be possible that at twelve, she's finally begun to realize that every. single. year her birthday gets lumped into Thanksgiving festivities.  Maybe she just feels that her birthday obviously isn't important enough to be celebrated on its own merit (as possibly her cousins' birthdays may be) and it's just not as fun for her as it seems to be for all the adults at her "party".  It's as though she's an "also ran" part of the main event, which is NOT her birthday.

Hopefully, you'll all receive Thank You notes.  Yes.  That is important.  But I confess to feeling just a wee teeny bit sorry for her.

It sounds like her parents and grandparents give her gifts at a separate time, likely on her birthday itself.  I don't know if she has a birthday party, but at her age it would probably be with friends and not extended family, so this seems like an 'extra' birthday celebration, not a substitute for a regular birthday do. 

And yes, OP, she's plenty old enough to wait to open gifts, and certainly old enough to thank the people who were thoughtful enough to give her the presents.  If she is not interested in her birthday being celebrated by the extended family that's reasonable, but does not excuse poor behavior.   

Kiwichick

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Re: I don't really know what to think of this.
« Reply #9 on: December 01, 2013, 03:32:08 AM »
I wish she'd said thanks, but I don't blame her, especially at that age, for not wanting to make gift opening a spectacle. It is possible that it wasn't a matter of being unable to wait, but wanting to be more discreet.

It might also be possible that at twelve, she's finally begun to realize that every. single. year her birthday gets lumped into Thanksgiving festivities.  Maybe she just feels that her birthday obviously isn't important enough to be celebrated on its own merit (as possibly her cousins' birthdays may be) and it's just not as fun for her as it seems to be for all the adults at her "party".  It's as though she's an "also ran" part of the main event, which is NOT her birthday.

Hopefully, you'll all receive Thank You notes.  Yes.  That is important.  But I confess to feeling just a wee teeny bit sorry for her.

You might be right, though she only has one other cousin, and we actually don't normally get together for that cousins birthday, like, ever.  Her mother actually has something similar (born near christmas and celebrated on christmas day with a cake)

Unfortunately I can tell you we will not receive a thank you note. Little Cousin 1 has probably not heard of them :/

Did she thank you in person when you gave her her gift?  I would not expect a thank you note if I had already been thanked in person.

At 12 she's probably getting to that age where everything under the sun is acutely embarrassing so I can understand her not wanting to be the centre of attention with the gift opening.

sammycat

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Re: I don't really know what to think of this.
« Reply #10 on: December 01, 2013, 04:06:18 AM »
Did she thank you in person when you gave her her gift?  I would not expect a thank you note if I had already been thanked in person.

At 12 she's probably getting to that age where everything under the sun is acutely embarrassing so I can understand her not wanting to be the centre of attention with the gift opening.

POD.

If she didn't thank anyone at all, or at the time, then that's a different matter, and very rude. But a verbal thanks in person at the time would be fine for me personally. YMMV.

CakeEater

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Re: I don't really know what to think of this.
« Reply #11 on: December 01, 2013, 04:45:36 AM »
I don't know if she should 'know better' by that age. I spend a lot of time around 12-year-olds, and I don't think they have learned all the intricacies of exactly when they should open presents and who they should thank etc. Especially if they haven't had a lot of guidance in that area.

Pen^2

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Re: I don't really know what to think of this.
« Reply #12 on: December 01, 2013, 05:40:52 AM »
She may have been feeling shy, and perhaps she asked her parents if she could open her gifts without everyone watching this year. That would be perfectly understandable (I'd feel awkward, myself), and the parents should have passed it on to any relatives expecting to watch the opening ceremony. There are other such explanations where opening the gifts on her own is perfectly polite and fine. On the other hand, if her parents asked her to wait until x o'clock to open her presents, and she snuck away and did it anyway, then that is a whole other kettle of fish.

Not thanking people isn't okay, though. I teach kids as young as 2, and every single one knows to say "please" and "thank you" whenever appropriate. They usually have it worked out in their minds by the end of the first hour we have together. It's so easy, after all, that of course a 2 year old can learn it. A 12 year old has no excuse.

And I agree with the sentiments of several PPs: if she thanked people in person, then she does not have to write a second "thank you".

Margo

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Re: I don't really know what to think of this.
« Reply #13 on: December 01, 2013, 06:59:39 AM »
I agree - I wouldn't expect a thank you  note if you were there in person when the gift was given - although there should be a verbal thank you at that point.

Also,you mentioned that you all sang happy birthday etc then 'scattered away' to eat dessert. Isn't it possible that Birthday Girl just assumed that the 'people paying attention to her birthday' part of the day was over, since everyone wandered off?  You mentioned your parents continually telling you to wait, when you were a child - do you know whether she was actually asked to wait? Or indeed if she's been asked how she feels about this tradition in general?

Not saying thank you in any way at all is rude - is this new? Is it something her parents have taught her to do, that she's suddenly stopped? If she's never been taught that that is appropriate then I would not necessarily expect a 12 year old to have figured it out

cicero

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Re: I don't really know what to think of this.
« Reply #14 on: December 01, 2013, 07:24:41 AM »
so every year up till now she *has* waited and opened the gifts in front of everyone. so it's not like she doesn't know better, or has to learn to wait to open gifts - she already knows that.

I think this is probably a combo of her approaching teenhood, not wanting to be the center of attention anymore like citadelle said, and perhaps a bit of what gramma dishes said.

In short - i wouldn't really care. when a kid is 4, 5, it's cute to see them open the presents. but by 12? let her enjoy it on her own.

She should thank the givers - either in person or with a card afterwards.

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