Author Topic: Letting a Friend Down Easy.  (Read 10870 times)

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PastryGoddess

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #30 on: December 04, 2013, 01:03:23 AM »
It sounds like he didn't listen to a thing she said.  Especially the whole "Well let's think about it...." after she said there would be no romantic relationship

Also Jenni needs to learn to stop justifying herself.  Every justification and reason was and will be seen by Max as an obstacle to overcome.  They didn't need to have a conversation about the HOW'S and WHY's of their suitability.  The conversation that needs to happen is that "THEY" will never happen as a couple EVAR.

Raintree

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #31 on: December 04, 2013, 01:50:07 AM »
Quote
He said he was feeling such sadness because he knows she is not ready for a relationship now

Oh good grief. More proof that he thinks that if he is patient/persistent enough, she will eventually want a relationship with him.

I find this guy irritating as all get out and I haven't even met him. This whole thing (in the update) reads like a very patronizing, "You're naive and you don't know what's good for you; only I can show you." And in the end, after being told her position on the matter, he wants her to THINK ABOUT IT?

No, clearly he doesn't get it, and if it were me, I would stop being friends with him at all because I would find this all so insulting, that he thought I wasn't capable of knowing who I was and was not interested in dating.

Teenyweeny

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #32 on: December 04, 2013, 04:05:43 AM »
He said he was feeling such sadness because he knows she is not ready for a relationship now but he is the best for her

He knows what she wants and needs and would treat her better and love her more than any other man she knows.

..he ended it  with "well let's think about it"

Whoa nelly! Those are three huge RED FLAGS right there. And I'm not usually the one to say that.

Those three statements are manipulative, narcissitic, and honestly, he sounds like a proto-abuser, if he isn't one already. I'd lay a 100 bet that his exes have some stories.

It's all about him, and how he feels. He doesn't actually care about her, at all. This is about satisfying his ego. He won't listen to her when she says 'no'. These are bad signs. I honestly couldn't have written a better 'NiceGuy' script if I'd tried. He knows her mind better than she does, if she'd just stop being so silly and see things from his point of view, she'd realise that she owes him a relationship, because he's just that great of a guy.

Honestly, Jenni needs to CUT ALL TIES. Now, now, run, don't walk, now! I've seen what happens when the Maxes of this world are denied their 'rights'. It's not good.



MariaE

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #33 on: December 04, 2013, 04:29:30 AM »
I completely agree with Teenyweeny! He's abused the "Let's just stay friends" opportunity and now Jenny will have to cut all ties altogether.
 
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Mel the Redcap

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #34 on: December 04, 2013, 05:18:40 AM »
My opinion? Flee! Fleeee~! Run like your shoes are on fire, Jenni! And for the love of green apples and little fishes, don't let him corner you into a long talk about his feeeeelings. The best outcome from that would be a couple of hours of extreme frustration and embarrassment.

He's still not accepting her 'no'. He's still treating this whole thing as "I know best, don't worry your pretty little head about it, I'll make ALL the decisions". I think Jenni needs to go hardcore no-contact, no sitting and drinking with him, no doing anything or going anywhere with him, no conversations beyond "I don't want to talk to you" or "There's nothing to discuss. I said no. You need to accept that" and I don't think Max is going to take it well.
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English1

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #35 on: December 04, 2013, 05:29:46 AM »
unrequited love is painful but he's a big boy and will get over it.

Jennie shouldn't have 'argued' with him - it's not down to her to convince him they aren't compatible, and she shouldn't bother listening to his arguments as to why they are. She should have really not got into that conversation - just stated her position 'we aren't, and never will be in a relationship' and left it at that, even physically leaving if he attempted to continue. She is in a difficult position, I have sympathy for her, but actually she needs to be more assertive. If it helps her, she needs to realise it's actually the kindest thing to do for him.

agree with the others now that as he can't accept a plain 'no' then it's time to cut off all contact.

gingerzing

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #36 on: December 04, 2013, 05:44:13 AM »
My opinion? Flee! Fleeee~! Run like your shoes are on fire, Jenni! And for the love of green apples and little fishes, don't let him corner you into a long talk about his feeeeelings. The best outcome from that would be a couple of hours of extreme frustration and embarrassment.

He's still not accepting her 'no'. He's still treating this whole thing as "I know best, don't worry your pretty little head about it, I'll make ALL the decisions". I think Jenni needs to go hardcore no-contact, no sitting and drinking with him, no doing anything or going anywhere with him, no conversations beyond "I don't want to talk to you" or "There's nothing to discuss. I said no. You need to accept that" and I don't think Max is going to take it well.

What part of "no" is this guy not getting?   Jenni would do well, if she ever gets stuck talking to him (Don't) to tell him that she has grave reservations of "friends" who don't accept no, let alone guys who don't accept no and want relationships.   
Yeah, he has now -actually before the "sad talk" fallen into creep mode.

cicero

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #37 on: December 04, 2013, 06:41:25 AM »
He knows what she wants and needs and would treat her better and love her more than any other man she knows.


just this line alone would be enough to make me run run run. "I know what you want and need". yeah, right.

I agree with the PPs - she needs to sever ties, he is really not listening to her at.all.

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LifeOnPluto

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #38 on: December 04, 2013, 07:38:36 AM »
..he ended it  with "well let's think about it"

Urg. I hope Jenni replied "There's nothing to think about. It's never going to happen. End of story."

This guy may be completely clueless (although sadly with that update, it is looking more like he's being deliberately manipulative), but even so, his patronising attitude is a HUGE turn-off.

I agree that Jenni should not stay "friends" with him.

Amara

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #39 on: December 04, 2013, 09:57:07 AM »
Please tell Jenni that the only "conversation" she should have with this guy is "no." That's right, a one-word conversation followed by turning her back on him and walking away.

Every. Single. Time.

Petticoats

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #40 on: December 04, 2013, 12:00:22 PM »
Podding the other wise posters here. He's made it clear he doesn't respect the "no, because" she gave him. She needs to follow up fast with a "no, PERIOD" and cut off contact. The idea of this guy thinking he has the right to brush aside her stated wishes and do her thinking for her gives me the jim-jams.

EllenS

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #41 on: December 04, 2013, 12:44:14 PM »

What part of "no" is this guy not getting?   

The part where Jenni keeps on having a long conversation about her feeeeeeeeeeeelings.

Women who are not interested in a man do not normally spend time analyzing or having deep discussions with him about their emotions, desires, goals, plans, or values.
That is relationship talk. 

Every second she spends talking to him about their relationship, is reinforcing his belief that they are IN A relationship.  He may be skeevy, or manipulative, or patronizing, but he is not delusional.

Jenni needs to stop mumbling "no, really, but...", woman-up and LIVE her no.

TurtleDove

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #42 on: December 04, 2013, 01:34:39 PM »

What part of "no" is this guy not getting?   

The part where Jenni keeps on having a long conversation about her feeeeeeeeeeeelings.

Women who are not interested in a man do not normally spend time analyzing or having deep discussions with him about their emotions, desires, goals, plans, or values.
That is relationship talk. 

Every second she spends talking to him about their relationship, is reinforcing his belief that they are IN A relationship.  He may be skeevy, or manipulative, or patronizing, but he is not delusional.

Jenni needs to stop mumbling "no, really, but...", woman-up and LIVE her no.

Once again, POD to EllenS.  Jenni is definitely a part of the problem.

pierrotlunaire0

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #43 on: December 04, 2013, 04:26:09 PM »
Jenni needs to stop mumbling "no, really, but...", woman-up and LIVE her no.

I gotta say, love that line.
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veronaz

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #44 on: December 04, 2013, 06:42:42 PM »
Wow. 

I completely agree with Teenyweeny! He's abused the "Let's just stay friends" opportunity and now Jenny will have to cut all ties altogether.

Yes, this.

OR - continue to put up with it.

The choice is Jenni's.