Author Topic: Letting a Friend Down Easy.  (Read 10175 times)

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RavenousEdenFleur

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #75 on: December 08, 2013, 03:53:36 PM »
She did send him a very firm email saying "leave me alone, you have not respected my wishes and I won't be contacting you again" While yes it is a bummer when your feelings are not reciprocated I have been there once this year and possibly twice with this new person I am seeing...:( but the best thing is always "I understand" and yes you may be sad and you may cry or listen to Adele or eat ice cream...but if you don't want to burn bridges and make people uncomfortable you cannot talk to someone like that.

She also talked to her friends at the wine place. They said again they would look out for her and her guy friend said Max was there on Wednesday night and was all melancholy and he told him that he needs to back off of her and he had to have known nothing was going to come from their friendship.

Mel the Redcap

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #76 on: December 08, 2013, 04:01:50 PM »
Good - hopefully that will be the end of it, but unfortunately it's likely to trail on for ages of guilt trips and annoyance. :P

May I recommend CaptainAwkward.com for anyone who finds themselves in a situation where etiquette is no longer the problem and it's edging into problems of safety (or Evil Bees)? There is some swearing and the advice tends to be fairly blunt, aimed at mildly socially awkward people trying to deal with relationship problems of one type or another, but it's very VERY good.
"Set aphasia to stun!"

Winterlight

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #77 on: December 08, 2013, 04:03:28 PM »
 Good for her. Now, block his email and phone number.

And don't feel guilty.

Seconding Captain Awkward.
If wisdom’s ways you wisely seek,
Five things observe with care,
To whom you speak,
Of whom you speak,
And how, and when, and where.
Caroline Lake Ingalls

Pen^2

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #78 on: December 08, 2013, 05:15:57 PM »
Good update, thanks. I sincerely hope that's the end of it.

Holy cow Captain Awkward is fantastic. Great link! I'm off to pour over it...

Petticoats

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #79 on: December 08, 2013, 06:41:47 PM »
Glad to see the good update!

I am now strenuously resisting the urge to check out Captain Awkward, because I have let myself be derailed too long already by the interwebs. Must... resist...

Mel the Redcap

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #80 on: December 08, 2013, 06:58:49 PM »
Glad to see the good update!

I am now strenuously resisting the urge to check out Captain Awkward, because I have let myself be derailed too long already by the interwebs. Must... resist...

Pick a week when you have nothing more important to do and then dive into the archives. I suggest starting from the first post and working your way forward in chronological order, because then you get to find out about Evil Bees and Firthing without being confused by them in later posts.  ;D

ETA: and read the comments. DEFINITELY read the comments!
"Set aphasia to stun!"

Calypso

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #81 on: December 09, 2013, 12:34:27 PM »
Kudos to your friend for standing up for herself!

And if she has the slightest twinge of guilt, remind her that he's essentially saying this:

"You should be in a relationship with me because I'll be sad at you as hard as I can if you don't. Also, we're both flawed and damaged people, so we're perfect for each other. Also, you're so unlovable that I am the ONLY man for you.

What, you aren't overwhelmed by my charm yet? OK, here's a data dump with all my self pity and a lifetime's worth of my romantic notions, none of which I've bothered to notice you don't share, all vomited out for your approval.. You've GOT to want me now, right? RIGHT?"

Firecat

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Re: Letting a Friend Down Easy.
« Reply #82 on: December 09, 2013, 01:32:57 PM »
Kudos to your friend for standing up for herself!

And if she has the slightest twinge of guilt, remind her that he's essentially saying this:

"You should be in a relationship with me because I'll be sad at you as hard as I can if you don't. Also, we're both flawed and damaged people, so we're perfect for each other. Also, you're so unlovable that I am the ONLY man for you.

What, you aren't overwhelmed by my charm yet? OK, here's a data dump with all my self pity and a lifetime's worth of my romantic notions, none of which I've bothered to notice you don't share, all vomited out for your approval.. You've GOT to want me now, right? RIGHT?"

...and if you don't, I'll be sad at you some more. And I'll tell everyone around us who will listen how sad I am, and try to get them to be my flying monkeys and tell you how sweet I am and how you should just give me a chance.

(And Captain Awkward is awesome. Paging Dr. Nerdlove has some good stuff, too.)