Author Topic: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First  (Read 10097 times)

0 Members and 1 Guest are viewing this topic.

SamiHami

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3179
  • No! Iz mai catnip! You no can haz! YOU NO CAN HAZ!
Re: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First
« Reply #15 on: December 02, 2013, 02:26:07 PM »
Interesting. I think Abby was wrong, and quite unnecessarily rude and judgmental in her comments about calories, which makes me want to wholeheartedly disagree with her :-) BUT - polite behaviour is, in part, about making not making other people uncomfortable, and I can understand that LW dining companions might feel uncomfortable, if they are shy or self conscious, and felt that LW's behaviour drew attention to them.  It's not quite like being at the table with the person who is inappropriately  loud or obnoxious to the waiter, because there is nothing inherently rude about eating the meal back to front, but I think it could create a similar feeling of embarrassment / discomfort to fellow diners.
Of course, it's rude of the coworkers to criticise, either way.

The only time I think it would be rude would be if eveyone else wanted a quick snack, and LW is going to 2 full courses,but it doesn't sound as tho that is the case.

RE: the bolded...how would it create embarrassment to fellow diners? I doubt than anyone really cares what some stranger is eating. She wasn't being loud or going out of her way to make an issue of her choices. I agree with what you posted about not making other people uncomfortable. But I think it was her companions who committed the faux pas, not her. They apparently made her uncomfortable and that was simply rude.

What have you got? Is it food? Is it for me? I want it whatever it is!

shhh its me

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6927
Re: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First
« Reply #16 on: December 02, 2013, 02:27:47 PM »
  I guess LW could be rude if everyone has to wait while he/she consumes a second course while everyone else is having one course(even if it comes with the meal you still need to eat it) and/or if it's a shared bill and LW is the only one eating desert.  Also if they are all eating dessert it could make them fell rushed if they are waiting to order dessert until LW finishes his/her meal. 

I Don't think its rude exactly but being quirky at work isn't normally the best idea.

123sandy

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 548
Re: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First
« Reply #17 on: December 02, 2013, 02:30:45 PM »
I admit to taking my kids out for ice cream before dinner on occasion, it's fun to do once in a while!

QueenfaninCA

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 692
Re: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First
« Reply #18 on: December 02, 2013, 02:40:37 PM »
I'm wondering if the co-workers are annoyed because he actually is holding them up. My experience with business trips is that we often don't have a lot of time for meals, so no appetizers or desserts are ordered. And if his dessert comes out with the other entrees, they are probably done by the time he gets his entree. I would be annoyed too, if I have to wait for someone every single meal because they eat one more course than everyone else.

I also agree with others that this is a childish rebelliousness that's better not shared in the workplace.

mmswm

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2158
Re: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First
« Reply #19 on: December 02, 2013, 02:41:20 PM »
One of my sisters has a close friend that does this.  Actually, it's a family tradition when they go out to eat.  The friend's father has done this all of the friend's life.  His reasoning is that restaurant portions are generally so large and the temptation to eat all of it is high, that by the time dessert rolls around in the traditional order, everybody is too full to enjoy dessert.  So, when they go out, they order a reasonably sized dessert first, then their meals.  If there's leftover food, they take it home.

Anyway, I agree that DA was quite judgmental.  LW is an adult and can choose to eat in whatever order she wants.
Some people lift weights.  I lift measures.  It's a far more esoteric workout. - (Quoted from a personal friend)

Hmmmmm

  • Super Hero!
  • ****
  • Posts: 6372
Re: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First
« Reply #20 on: December 02, 2013, 02:48:21 PM »
I'm going to go against the majority and agree with DA. It's a business trip. And my cardinal rule of business trips with go workers is "go along to get along".

While I do agree the co-workers caused greater angst by mentioning the unconventional eating style, I think by flaunting conventional eating during a business dinner invites others to comment. When your dining out with family and friend's indulge your eccentricities. But as someone who has spent many a days locked in a conference room with co-workers to only be required to spend my evening meal with them, I'd much rather everyone try to aim for the mainstream. And I considere vegetarianism, Kosher, and vegan as mainstream today.

This isn't a dietary restriction, a religious restriction, or even an ethical restriction. It's a person who is still revolting against "the man" as an adult.

If everyone was ordering a main course and then a dessert, her dessert comes first and takes much less time to consume. Then the dessert course arrives and she is needing to time to finish off a 10oz steak and a baked potato. It would annoy me.

LadyL

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2851
Re: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First
« Reply #21 on: December 02, 2013, 02:48:48 PM »

It does imply a certain childishness, especially when LW goes on to explain that he/she does so in order to compensate/rebel against their upbringing.


POD. The letter write can eat however they want, of course, and I don't think dessert before dinner is *rude.* I do think that it is ill advised because it does seem a bit childish - there is nothing wrong with eating childishly, but I wouldn't do it in a business setting. Just like I wouldn't order off the kids menu with coworkers, or order finger food like chicken wings when everyone else was ordering food you eat with utensils like steak or pasta. At home I eat with my hands or straight out of the ice cream carton all the time but I would not do it in a professional setting. You don't want to be remembered as "that person" with the weird eating habit, when the unusual habit is purely preference and not allergy or health related.

nutraxfornerves

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1964
Re: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First
« Reply #22 on: December 02, 2013, 02:56:52 PM »
I can see one possible inconvenience. In a lot of restaurants, servers wait until everyone is finished before clearing away the main course & asking if someone wants dessert. So the dining companions may be twiddling their thumbs over dirty plates while waiting for the dessert-first person to finish the main course, so they can order their own dessert or get coffee.

One solution to that would be to call over the server, remind the server about your odd preferences, and suggest the server clear the table & bring coffee & dessert for the others, "while I finish my steak."

Nutrax
The plural of anecdote is not data

katycoo

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 3754
Re: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First
« Reply #23 on: December 02, 2013, 03:10:15 PM »
I think at a client business dinner/lunch she should eat in the usual order, as these meetings are all about making the client feel comfortable and sometimes the littlest things can put a prospective client off.

Otherwise - who the hell cares?

Margo

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1556
Re: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First
« Reply #24 on: December 02, 2013, 03:10:52 PM »
Interesting. I think Abby was wrong, and quite unnecessarily rude and judgmental in her comments about calories, which makes me want to wholeheartedly disagree with her :-) BUT - polite behaviour is, in part, about making not making other people uncomfortable, and I can understand that LW dining companions might feel uncomfortable, if they are shy or self conscious, and felt that LW's behaviour drew attention to them.  It's not quite like being at the table with the person who is inappropriately  loud or obnoxious to the waiter, because there is nothing inherently rude about eating the meal back to front, but I think it could create a similar feeling of embarrassment / discomfort to fellow diners.
Of course, it's rude of the coworkers to criticise, either way.

The only time I think it would be rude would be if everyone else wanted a quick snack, and LW is going to 2 full courses,but it doesn't sound as tho that is the case.

RE: the bolded...how would it create embarrassment to fellow diners? I doubt than anyone really cares what some stranger is eating. She wasn't being loud or going out of her way to make an issue of her choices. I agree with what you posted about not making other people uncomfortable. But I think it was her companions who committed the faux pas, not her. They apparently made her uncomfortable and that was simply rude.

If you're self-conscious you can be embarrassed by the person in your group who is behaving unconventionally. Knowing that no-one else really cares doesn't prevent the embarrassment  from being genuine. (By 'fellow diners' I was referring to the other people in the group, not other diners in the restaurant)

I don't think either the LW or her companions get a pass - they seem each to have made the other uncomfortable, so arguably they were all rude!

Tea Drinker

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 1342
Re: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First
« Reply #25 on: December 02, 2013, 03:11:14 PM »
As often, we have insufficient data.

If LW is eating a brownie while other people are having an appetizer--soup, egg rolls, that sort of thing--and then everyone has their entrees at about the same time, then it's eccentric but not rude. If the LW wants dessert, then appetizer, then an entree, it could delay everyone else; I wouldn't be happy about waiting for my food while watching someone else eat a dessert-type food, even if all I wanted that day was a big salad, or a bowl of soup and a sandwich.

It's possible that this is a case of LW's coworkers being rude. Not even retaliatory rudeness, which we don't approve of here, but teasing the LW when s/he has done nothing rude, only eccentric. But in Abby's shoes I would have maybe said something about not making one's dining companions wait for their food, and then said that while they shouldn't be teasing the LW about their food choices, it's probably easiest to just go along while eating with those people, and start meals at home with cake.

Because as it is, the only person I am sure is being rude here is Abby, with the assumption that LW's choices are unhealthy because of the order s/he is eating in. Food policing is rude, and would be even if we were sure that Abby's advice was appropriate to the LW's health and the menu choices. (Maybe she's advising an already-underweight person to eat less, or recommending deep-fat-fried mozzarella sticks in place of a sweet.)
Any advice that requires the use of a time machine may safely be ignored.

BarensMom

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2620
Re: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First
« Reply #26 on: December 02, 2013, 03:20:17 PM »
My recommendation to the LW would be to order a good-sized dessert as his/her meal.  He/she could pass it off as, "I just want dessert," not all the stuff about rebelling against his/her childhood.

Is anyone else reminded of George H.W. Bush's "I'm President of the United States, and I'm not going to eat any more broccoli" statement?

Twik

  • A Pillar of the Forum
  • *****
  • Posts: 28391
Re: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First
« Reply #27 on: December 02, 2013, 03:23:59 PM »
Can you eat anything you want, in the order you want it?

Well, yes, in the sense that there is not normally a law against it. But social etiquette is quite detailed about how you eat, and ordering your courses completely differently from your fellow diners is not endorsed. For a meal with co-workers, it's like eating peas by impaling them on the point of your knife, and sticking them in your mouth. It's harmless, and may make you feel whimsical, but it is not businesslike.

I think she should try and reserve her dessert indulgences for social occasions, or better yet, when she is alone.
My cousin's memoir of love and loneliness while raising a child with multiple disabilities will be out on Amazon soon! Know the Night, by Maria Mutch, has been called "full of hope, light, and companionship for surviving the small hours of the night."

Coralreef

  • Hero Member
  • ***
  • Posts: 2287
Re: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First
« Reply #28 on: December 02, 2013, 03:40:21 PM »
"Life is short, eat dessert first."  Never heard of anyone actually doing it, until now. 

I would say not rude if the meal is between friends, family or by yourself, but this is a business setting.  This is really one of the only few times when you have to adhere to a social standard when eating. Business meals have implied rules, yes they are somewhat flexible, but not so much that you make colleages or customers uncomfortable. 

As for the "empty calories" remark, the type of calories ingested should concern only the person ingesting them. 

[/right

padua

  • Member
  • **
  • Posts: 523
Re: Today's Dear Abby - Eating Dessert First
« Reply #29 on: December 02, 2013, 03:58:41 PM »
i am very guilty of this. except i order my dessert with the meal. i get to eat out so rarely, and desserts tend to be so delicious, i want to indulge. and it's hard to get a to-go box for dessert, as they tend to be kind of melty, so i order it and eat it with the meal. i genuinely enjoy switching between the main course and the dessert. and if others want to order dessert after, i'm more than willing. maybe i'll order an appetizer to continue eating with them.

the only person it's bothered is my husband, who doesn't necessarily go against convention. for everyone else i've eaten with, however, they seem to indulge this little quirk. it's a little delight for me and while i wouldn't necessarily do it in the presence of someone who is antagonized by this behavior, not doing so would decrease my enjoyment of the meal.




hmm- if i could, though, i would probably only go out to eat for desserts. i only order a main course for the conventionality of the thing.