Etiquette School is in session! > "I'm afraid that won't be possible."

I did not use it verbally but in my own way: a request denied

<< < (2/6) > >>

peaches:

--- Quote from: MissRose on December 04, 2013, 02:15:46 PM ---My mother wants my sister to contact the school to give permission for the access/details as she knows that my sister may not take the request directly from her (why my mother is trying to use a middle woman).   I will simply say to my mother I have not heard back from my sister even though its not good to lie.

--- End quote ---

The problem with your strategy (besides lying) is that it leaves your mother thinking that what she is asking (to be able to monitor grandkids' grades) is normal and acceptable. It's neither. It's uber-controlling. I have never even heard of such a request on the part of a grandparent. It's bizarre.

 

Kaypeep:

--- Quote from: peaches on December 04, 2013, 02:26:02 PM ---
--- Quote from: MissRose on December 04, 2013, 02:15:46 PM ---My mother wants my sister to contact the school to give permission for the access/details as she knows that my sister may not take the request directly from her (why my mother is trying to use a middle woman).   I will simply say to my mother I have not heard back from my sister even though its not good to lie.

--- End quote ---

The problem with your strategy (besides lying) is that it leaves your mother thinking that what she is asking (to be able to monitor grandkids' grades) is normal and acceptable. It's neither. It's uber-controlling. I have never even heard of such a request on the part of a grandparent. It's bizarre.

--- End quote ---

Agreed.  You are misleading your mom that you are working on this request.  You need to be direct.  If she asks about it again just tell her "I should have told you this earlier, but this request makes me very uncomfortable and so I won't be getting involved with this at all." and then beandip. If she continues to try and get you to do it, then you can say "I told you I'm not comfortable and that's not going to change so either we need to change the subject, or I will have to end this conversation.  I'd rather change the subject though, since I do enjoy our chats.  So what are you making for dinner tonight?"

jedikaiti:

--- Quote from: peaches on December 04, 2013, 02:26:02 PM ---
--- Quote from: MissRose on December 04, 2013, 02:15:46 PM ---My mother wants my sister to contact the school to give permission for the access/details as she knows that my sister may not take the request directly from her (why my mother is trying to use a middle woman).   I will simply say to my mother I have not heard back from my sister even though its not good to lie.

--- End quote ---

The problem with your strategy (besides lying) is that it leaves your mother thinking that what she is asking (to be able to monitor grandkids' grades) is normal and acceptable. It's neither. It's uber-controlling. I have never even heard of such a request on the part of a grandparent. It's bizarre.

--- End quote ---

Yea, don't lie. If/when she asks just say, "Of course I didn't ask Sister!" You can tell her how her request is wrong on how many levels if you like, but I am getting a sense that she won't get it and/or won't care, so I'd just stick with not passing the request along, and not pretending that you will/have.

TootsNYC:
I don't think the OP needs to "set her mother straight." And I don't think she needs to worry in the least about whether she is "lying" to her mother or not.

And I do applaud you, Miss Rose, for not mentioning this request in any way to your sister. Why spread the crazy-making around?

peaches:
I agree that Miss Rose has made a great first step in not giving in to her mother's outrageous request.

Planning to tell her mother "she never called me back" doesn't seem like such a good idea. That's not going to put an end to her mother's crazy requests. Mom likely will keep pestering her. 

I think the next step in assertiveness is being able to say "Mom, I'm not going to get involved in that" or "I'm not going to do that."

Navigation

[0] Message Index

[#] Next page

[*] Previous page

Go to full version