OP here, thanks for the many responses and stories
It helps a lot.
A few people asked about weekends; at the moment I am working saturdays, and my husband is working sundays. It'll be like that until the end of the year, which I have already explained to my mother. Which she then forgets.
I do send them pictures when they ask.
As for meeting them at another place, restaurant etc., it's been tried, and it gets about the same result, with an added 'look at my grandbaby everybody!'
Before she had surgery, the visits were about once a month, at our place, and I can live with that, as long as I can keep hope alive that it will get less and less over time
The main thing that irks me is the repetition of it all. I do ask them to put the camera away, and to just play with her instead. It works for 5 minutes, and then they grab the camera again. Or dad will play with her in such a way that he is always dangling stuff in front of her or talking to her or poking her, without giving her any time to respond, which simply confuses her and upsets her. They have absolutely no idea how to handle a baby.
To be perfectly honest, if we went back to the once every year bit, I would be perfectly fine with that. I have no connection with my parents. They tell us every single time that they're not here for us, they're here for the baby only. They run right up to baby without even talking to us when they get here. When they do try to strike up conversation, they will lose interest halfway our answer, or they will repeat the same question two minutes later because they forgot they asked.
All in all, it's just very stressful. We are firm, but we are already telling baby 'no' every two minutes (she's in the everything-is-mine phase), I really don't feel like taking on two extra kids, if that makes sense.
I love the jumping up and down bit. I am so going to try that