Author Topic: Pitching In  (Read 7425 times)

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*inviteseller

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Re: Pitching In
« Reply #15 on: December 05, 2013, 08:58:12 AM »
Wow...what ever girl gets your male cousin is going to have a lot of retraining to do.  You did absolutely nothing wrong and the only one who should be apologizing is your uncle.  To call you out for you actually expecting his adult (and if they are in college, they are adults) children to get off their butts, put down their phones and help out is very SS behavior.

Margo

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Re: Pitching In
« Reply #16 on: December 05, 2013, 09:10:13 AM »
No, you don't owe them an apology.  If anything, the 'kids' owe one to you for not pitching in to help out.

I'd ignore the email, but if you think Uncle may raise it next time there is a family get together it may be worth spekaing to your parents or grnaparens ahead of time to ask that they back you rather than sitting silently. Alternatively, you could take the opportunity to suggest that you rethink the tradition now that there are no longer any 'klittles'

SamiHami

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Re: Pitching In
« Reply #17 on: December 05, 2013, 09:17:35 AM »
I can think of a lot of things to say to Uncle Jerk, but none of them would be remotely polite. Therefore, I recommend completely ignoring him. And going forward I would continue to expect all grandchildren to pitch in as appropriate.

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scansons

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Re: Pitching In
« Reply #18 on: December 05, 2013, 09:18:04 AM »
It has been suggested here by Mr. Scan that the real problem is that when he got home Uncle had some version of the "Your son can do dishes, then so can you" conversation with Aunt.   

I have a tendency to agree with Mr. Scan.

You did nothing wrong.  I applaud your spine. 

Outdoor Girl

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Re: Pitching In
« Reply #19 on: December 05, 2013, 09:20:48 AM »
It has been suggested here by Mr. Scan that the real problem is that when he got home Uncle had some version of the "Your son can do dishes, then so can you" conversation with Aunt.   

I have a tendency to agree with Mr. Scan.

You did nothing wrong.  I applaud your spine.

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SCMagnolia

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Re: Pitching In
« Reply #20 on: December 05, 2013, 09:28:04 AM »
Quote
"i didn't know you use your *thing* to wash dishes".

CRUD MONKEYS!.  I read this right as I took a sip of coffee.  Coffee, meet computer screen!!!

This is awesome! I'm going to remember this for future use.

As for your uncle, I may have told him this myself (had I thought of it!) but I'd just ignore him, and maybe if the opportunity ever arises, I'd make some snide "women's work" crack to him.  Yes, Evil Magnolia came out to play today.

There is no reason in the world the "littles" could not participate in the cleanup.  They should not have been told to help, they should have just gotten up off their duffs and snapped to it.   The fact that one of them whined about 'do we have to do it again???' when it came time to clean up Round Two makes me stabby.  You're a much nicer person than me, because I might have threatened to roll a head or two! 

Obviously Evil Magnolia is in quite the mood and is planning to stay for the duration!

JoyinVirginia

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Re: Pitching In
« Reply #21 on: December 05, 2013, 09:48:10 AM »
I would recommend either delete and ignore, or respond with ONLY a very cheery Merry Christmas!
I think scansons hit the bullseye with the reason for the email!

Piratelvr1121

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Re: Pitching In
« Reply #22 on: December 05, 2013, 09:53:45 AM »
Ignore him.  I don't think you overstepped - it's a family weekend, and everybody needs to pitch into get everybody fed and keep things clean.  And, personally, I could not respond politely to the "women's work" comment, so I would not be able to respond at all.  I pity the child who is raised to think he or she never has to do anything around the house - it must be a rude awakening when your first apartment does not clean itself.

POD.  I'd roll my eyes and ignore the "women's work" comment too since there was really no polite way to respond.  I once bought my oldest son a little Mr. Clean playset that had a toy mop, broom and dustpan, along with little plastic (empty) bottles of cleaning supplies.  My dad saw it and deemed it a "girl's toy". 

I gave him a "Really?" look with eyebrows raised and went back to what I was doing.  He and I have never did see eye to eye on gender roles.
Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars.  You have a right to be here. Be cheerful, strive to be happy. -Desiderata

Julsie

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Re: Pitching In
« Reply #23 on: December 05, 2013, 10:01:23 AM »
What year is this??

I am pretty traditional.  Alright, I am extremely traditional.  But even if our household chores tend to run along traditional gender lines that isn't set in stone.  My husband and sons do excellent work at cooking and cleaning.  Your uncles behavior is appalling.

You handled everything with grace and tact.  Well done!

Deetee

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Re: Pitching In
« Reply #24 on: December 05, 2013, 10:14:57 AM »
Good job worth getting the "littles" to step up. It sounds like it went well after the first adjustment.

I dunno about the email. Maybe a response like "the cousins have always helped with clean up and now that the littles are older, they can help too. "

Query: Are all the bigs women? Can you point out that male Biggs have always helped?

Elisabunny

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Re: Pitching In
« Reply #25 on: December 05, 2013, 10:46:35 AM »
I'd respond back, short and sweet.

"Uncle, traditionally [since with his "women's work" he seems to be a traditionalist], the aunts cook, the uncles do repairs and the kids clean up after meals. All I did was ask my cousins to fill their traditional role at these family gatherings."

No apologies. Just the facts.

I like this response.
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mbbored

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Re: Pitching In
« Reply #26 on: December 05, 2013, 11:06:59 AM »
Good job worth getting the "littles" to step up. It sounds like it went well after the first adjustment.

I dunno about the email. Maybe a response like "the cousins have always helped with clean up and now that the littles are older, they can help too. "

Query: Are all the bigs women? Can you point out that male Biggs have always helped?

Trying to remember way back when and sorting through lots of family gatherings, most of the male bigs helped out in the kitchen except for Uncle Grumpy's older sons, but they usually watched their younger siblings. As their sibs got older, they started to help out with the men's project. However now that he's married, Uncle Grumpy's oldest is often the first in the kitchen in the morning and flips a mean pancake. (I do love my cousin's wife.)

While I didn't want to sway the original response of posters, perhaps I should add that Uncle Grumpy and most of the family disagree greatly on the role of women and the value of higher education for them. As a single women who's pursuing an advanced degree, I embody much of what he thinks is wrong with our society today.

lady_disdain

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Re: Pitching In
« Reply #27 on: December 05, 2013, 11:19:39 AM »
"Uncle,

When the family gets together, everyone helps out to make it a success. Cousin did not do projects with his uncles or cook with his aunts, therefore, he chose to clean. If he thinks washing dishes is beneath him, then he should have taken the initiative of doing other work, instead of trying to get away with doing nothing. That does not speak well of his work ethics or of his ability to support his family in the future*.

As a grown man, he should be able to see this and have taken the proper actions, instead of having his father intervene in his stead.

Mmbored"

Ok, tempting but I would tone it down if I were to really send this message.

*if they have traditional gender roles in mind, I have no problems with using it against them

heartmug

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Re: Pitching In
« Reply #28 on: December 05, 2013, 11:30:59 AM »
Wait - your cousins are college age people, and their daddy still feels that he has to send unpleasant e-mails on their behalf???

That was my thought as I was reading it.  You were fine.  You couldn't make them help, but you did great in explaining how everyone needs to pitch in.
One option in a tug of war with someone is just to drop the rope.

YummyMummy66

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Re: Pitching In
« Reply #29 on: December 05, 2013, 11:33:50 AM »
I think I would reply back to uncle, that for years, everyone has always helped out on grandparents farm in one way or another.  Is there a reason he thinks his children should not have to do the same as all the others have done over the years?   Because I am sure that he can explain that reason to all of the other aunts and uncles at the next big family get together. 

And then, if he thought dishes was only women's work, I am sure that there is something that he could teach his  son's to do to help out that is acceptable to him as "man's" work.

That is what I would like to say.  But, others have given you better and great ideas to think about.
« Last Edit: December 05, 2013, 11:36:03 AM by YummyMummy66 »