Author Topic: when people love your gift idea... and make it their own  (Read 6520 times)

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LifeOnPluto

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Re: when people love your gift idea... and make it their own
« Reply #45 on: March 31, 2014, 02:19:21 AM »
thanks for all the advice. to be clear, i don't have many unfinished projects- my SO just... well, he does things without thinking. now that i think about it, he did the same thing at christmas. i got one of our kids a farm playset, showed it to him then hid it in the garage. next thing i new he ordered the same thing only bigger.  hm.



So this is a pattern with your DH? I could be completely wrong, but it sounds as if he likes your ideas, but doesn't think you execute them well enough. I can imagine him thinking "Woah, farm playhouse. Awesome idea! But the one Padua bought is too small. Kids like big ones! I wanna get one that's larger and better!"

Even so, that's actually pretty insulting to you (even if he doesn't mean to be). It's basically a vote of no confidence. I'd sit down and have a talk with him. Tell him that when he replicates your ideas, it makes you feel upstaged and belittled; as though he doesn't trust your judgement and abilities. Ask him that next time you plan on making/buying your DD a gift, he must have faith that you'll provide her with a great gift, and he shouldn't replicate it.

Lynn2000

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Re: when people love your gift idea... and make it their own
« Reply #46 on: March 31, 2014, 11:47:19 AM »
thanks for all the advice. to be clear, i don't have many unfinished projects- my SO just... well, he does things without thinking. now that i think about it, he did the same thing at christmas. i got one of our kids a farm playset, showed it to him then hid it in the garage. next thing i new he ordered the same thing only bigger.  hm.



So this is a pattern with your DH? I could be completely wrong, but it sounds as if he likes your ideas, but doesn't think you execute them well enough. I can imagine him thinking "Woah, farm playhouse. Awesome idea! But the one Padua bought is too small. Kids like big ones! I wanna get one that's larger and better!"

Even so, that's actually pretty insulting to you (even if he doesn't mean to be). It's basically a vote of no confidence. I'd sit down and have a talk with him. Tell him that when he replicates your ideas, it makes you feel upstaged and belittled; as though he doesn't trust your judgement and abilities. Ask him that next time you plan on making/buying your DD a gift, he must have faith that you'll provide her with a great gift, and he shouldn't replicate it.

Or, in the case of the farm playset, a statement that he wanted to be more involved in choosing the kids' gifts? At least, that could be another reason for a generic case. "Oh, you just decided to get them X, without even asking me? Well, if you'd asked, I would have gotten them a BIGGER X! Like this!"

Or if, as padua seemed to be thinking, he just wasn't paying enough attention when she showed him the farm set, I should think they would run into duplicated items a lot, which would eat into the household budget and storage. Padua says, "I went to the store and got eggs, milk, butter..." and her DH hears, "Go to the store and get eggs, milk, butter..." and then comes home with roughly the same items a day later, only maybe it's the sizes and brands he prefers? So in some cases it could almost be a hearing/attention issue.
~Lynn2000

Minmom3

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Re: when people love your gift idea... and make it their own
« Reply #47 on: March 31, 2014, 12:36:11 PM »

so next time this happens, i'll be a little more transparent. and just say, "hey- i'm getting T a set of shrinky dinks. just letting you know so we don't happen to get her the same thing." would that be off-putting?

I wonder if it would be more effective to suggest items that complement what you are getting her.....So the extra mixes to go with the Easy Bake Oven or some extra Barbie clothes to go with the new doll?  That way she would get a well rounded group of things that go together.

For people who take hints, I think that would be great.  For people more focused on what THEY can give that will reflect on their personal bounty - I'd NEVER tell them what I'm giving.  I'd be vague, I'd waffle, and if something was the 'perfect gift', they'd never hear about it from me. 
Mother to children and fuzz butts....

EMuir

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Re: when people love your gift idea... and make it their own
« Reply #48 on: March 31, 2014, 12:48:33 PM »
In a similar vein... we got a coupon for a photo package through Walmart.  It came with one large portrait of us as a couple.  I honestly would never order one that large.  My MIL saw it and wanted it, so we gladly gave it to her.

A couple of months later, MIL's other daughter (SIL) gives her mother a portrait of herself and hubby that is half again as large as the one we gave. I just had to laugh as it was obviously a oneupsmanship thing of a photo that was, in my opinion, too big to begin with.

sweetonsno

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Re: when people love your gift idea... and make it their own
« Reply #49 on: March 31, 2014, 04:27:54 PM »

so next time this happens, i'll be a little more transparent. and just say, "hey- i'm getting T a set of shrinky dinks. just letting you know so we don't happen to get her the same thing." would that be off-putting?

I wonder if it would be more effective to suggest items that complement what you are getting her.....So the extra mixes to go with the Easy Bake Oven or some extra Barbie clothes to go with the new doll?  That way she would get a well rounded group of things that go together.

For people who take hints, I think that would be great.  For people more focused on what THEY can give that will reflect on their personal bounty - I'd NEVER tell them what I'm giving.  I'd be vague, I'd waffle, and if something was the 'perfect gift', they'd never hear about it from me.

Ah, but if you play it right and throw in an offhanded "but it's a bit more than I want to spend" or "but the only store that carries them is so far away that I'm not sure I could get out there," they might jump on the opportunity to get something that they knew you would not.

Sophia

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Re: when people love your gift idea... and make it their own
« Reply #50 on: March 31, 2014, 04:44:39 PM »
I think having three set of wings would definitely take away from the special-ness of each one. 
I remember as a teenager being in a ice cream restaurant.  There was a small child and the adults were probably the grandparents.  The kid was screaming "Ice Cream is not special!"  Even as a teenager I figured out that the kid was given too much ice cream, and it wasn't a treat anymore. 

LifeOnPluto

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Re: when people love your gift idea... and make it their own
« Reply #51 on: March 31, 2014, 10:28:23 PM »
thanks for all the advice. to be clear, i don't have many unfinished projects- my SO just... well, he does things without thinking. now that i think about it, he did the same thing at christmas. i got one of our kids a farm playset, showed it to him then hid it in the garage. next thing i new he ordered the same thing only bigger.  hm.



So this is a pattern with your DH? I could be completely wrong, but it sounds as if he likes your ideas, but doesn't think you execute them well enough. I can imagine him thinking "Woah, farm playhouse. Awesome idea! But the one Padua bought is too small. Kids like big ones! I wanna get one that's larger and better!"

Even so, that's actually pretty insulting to you (even if he doesn't mean to be). It's basically a vote of no confidence. I'd sit down and have a talk with him. Tell him that when he replicates your ideas, it makes you feel upstaged and belittled; as though he doesn't trust your judgement and abilities. Ask him that next time you plan on making/buying your DD a gift, he must have faith that you'll provide her with a great gift, and he shouldn't replicate it.

Or, in the case of the farm playset, a statement that he wanted to be more involved in choosing the kids' gifts? At least, that could be another reason for a generic case. "Oh, you just decided to get them X, without even asking me? Well, if you'd asked, I would have gotten them a BIGGER X! Like this!"


In that case, he needs to use his words and actually tell the OP "Hey, when you buy all the gifts for our DD, I feel a bit left out. Next time, can we choose a gift together?"

But simply going out and buying the same gift (only bigger and better) smacks of a P/A move, to me.

saffron

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Re: when people love your gift idea... and make it their own
« Reply #52 on: April 07, 2014, 05:32:48 PM »
Slight hijack-

I had a similar thing happen to me at christmas - but with a twist.

I went and got a very professional and fairly expensive portrait of my daughter done over the summer. Now these photographers are known for doing 'themes' and we did the duck portraits - so we are talking about a photo shoot that involves live ducklings and a fairly elaborate indoor pond set up. We gifted a decent sized portrait - that was mounted on canvas - to my parents since they live far away and like such things.

Well next thing you know - my DAD is trying to find a way to get my sister to have her children photographed the SAME way. HE was trying to figure out if she could have a portrait done and photoshop ducks into it or some such non-sense.

It was so weird because on one hand, I get that he loved the picture so much that he wanted a similar one of his other grandkids - but at the same time it kind of made me feel like he didn't really appreciate the thought and time and expense that went into it. Don't get me wrong - if she was so inclined, I would have no problem with her going ahead and doing her thing - but to try to duplicate something that is fairly unique - upset me somehow.

I don't know if that even makes any sense - but there you go.

All that to say - I completely understand the desire to do something special for someone and have it STAY special. I think part of it too is that you went ahead and spent the time making the wings - you invested time into it which I think makes it more emotional.