Author Topic: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby  (Read 13122 times)

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pwv

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Re: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby
« Reply #60 on: March 24, 2014, 03:44:57 PM »
My father was 3 and 8 when his first two siblings were born, and 16 and 18 when the other two were born. 

Elisabunny

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Re: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby
« Reply #61 on: March 24, 2014, 04:32:20 PM »
It's a case of elderly men being widowed (is it still being widowed if you're male?)

Men are considered widowers so he would be widowered. But I don't think that word is used very often.

According to my Oxford Dictionary, widowed is correct for both men and women.  "Widowered" is not even listed as an obsolete term.
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wolfie

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Re: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby
« Reply #62 on: March 24, 2014, 04:35:57 PM »
It's a case of elderly men being widowed (is it still being widowed if you're male?)

Men are considered widowers so he would be widowered. But I don't think that word is used very often.

According to my Oxford Dictionary, widowed is correct for both men and women.  "Widowered" is not even listed as an obsolete term.

It was on the Merriam webster page. But I'll be honest - I goggled it because i wasn't sure if it was a valid word because I never heard it before.

http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/widowered

ladiedeathe

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Re: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby
« Reply #63 on: March 25, 2014, 12:28:16 PM »
I'm 45, my late sis would have been 43, my brothers are 41, 39, and 21, and my littlest sisters are 14 and 12. My half-siblings are 29 and 27. "Evuuulll" speculations about where we all come from are hurtful and a bit tasteless. Family construction is about the family, and love, and not, as at least one poster proved, something to be shared randomly and without reason because people think they have a right to know.

I'm all for making sure that legal records exist and are clear for genealogical reasons, other than that I think too much information just gives some people a reason to clutch their pearls.
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Margo

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Re: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby
« Reply #64 on: March 25, 2014, 12:43:08 PM »
Not a huge gap, but I know that my grandmother had a terrible job convincing her doctor that she was pregnant, when she was expecting my dad. She had had cancer and was one of the very early recipients of radiotherapy,  and had been told that she would, very definitely, be unable to have any more children afterwards...

And the big gaps can happen even now. I knew a girl who was born on about 1972 - she had 3 brothers, the youngest of whom was 17 or 18 years older than she was. Her mother did not know she was pregnant, she had attributed her very slight weight gain and the lack or periods to menopause as she was in her very late 40s. She was a farmer - she went to hospital after getting kicked by a bullock and having stomach pains, and it turned out she was in labour!

I know quite a few people who had aunts or uncles who were the same age as, or younger than, their nieces and nephews, so I don;t see that as particualrly unusual or noteworthy.




Aquamarine

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Re: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby
« Reply #65 on: March 26, 2014, 11:55:46 AM »
Someone needs to grow up and learn to mind their own business, daughter or not.
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Firecat

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Re: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby
« Reply #66 on: March 26, 2014, 12:18:39 PM »
;D DC Girl-I have some of those in my tree, too.

I've also found that some women had miraculous pregnancies that lasted only six months after the wedding  ::) .  Sometimes the wedding date was fudged to include the conception of said child.

As for the OP, I'd leave it out.
Yes, it's amazing how many "premature" first babies lived to grow up, isn't it?  Considering that even a modern NICU can lose one born that early...

I also have my eeeevul suspicions when the family records say that there were 3 or 4 kids, born about 2 years apart, and then no more for 10 - 12 years.  And then, surprise! -- a "bonus baby," born just about the time that an earlier daughter reaches her mid-teens.

Mom was 15 when her little sister was born - but there were several miscarriages...and Grandma was the one visibly pregnant in the photos, Mom was entirely too skinny to have hidden a pregnancy at the time.

Some twenty-three years ago now, I was talking to an older woman while waiting for Ambrosia Hino to get out of her second grade classroom - her "youngest" was her adopted grandchild - apparently something happened (she didn't say what) but that their daughter went off to college while Mom & Dad had one more little girl to raise.  She'd be about thirty by now...and her birth mother in her mid forties.

My sister is 15 years younger than I am. I can assure you that she is NOT my daughter. There was actually some speculation along those lines from some of the more (thankfully) distant relatives, and I found it both hurtful and offensive.

Further, my father was born in 1933...Mom is just younger than he is. So I think it's very important not to apply any of this type of speculation to people still living, anywhere other than the privacy of your own head. Because even if you're right, there can be a lot of hurt feelings to no good purpose. And if you're wrong...at best, more hurt feelings to even less purpose.

Twik

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Re: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby
« Reply #67 on: March 26, 2014, 01:08:35 PM »
But really, what is the point? Yes, a child added to the family 15 years after the last one, when there is a daughter of childbearing age *might* be an illegitimate child. Or, it might be one of nature's little tricks on older parents. You can't tell without DNA, so what good does it do to speculate?

If you want to get gossipy, why not look at, say, a child born less than 12 months after another one? It could be another woman's, say a sister's child, brought in to save face. Or the father had an affair, and wants his child brought up with his family. It's all possible. And it's probably true a certain percentage of the time. But speculating on what's possible isn't particularly helpful, unless you get a thrill out of thinking that people in other generations might have been naughty.

Actually, any child at all might not be the legitimate offspring of both its legal parents. So, we can look at every single child in the family tree as potentially illegitimate, but it doesn't really seem nice to do so.
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Firecat

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Re: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby
« Reply #68 on: March 26, 2014, 01:19:54 PM »
But really, what is the point? Yes, a child added to the family 15 years after the last one, when there is a daughter of childbearing age *might* be an illegitimate child. Or, it might be one of nature's little tricks on older parents. You can't tell without DNA, so what good does it do to speculate?

If you want to get gossipy, why not look at, say, a child born less than 12 months after another one? It could be another woman's, say a sister's child, brought in to save face. Or the father had an affair, and wants his child brought up with his family. It's all possible. And it's probably true a certain percentage of the time. But speculating on what's possible isn't particularly helpful, unless you get a thrill out of thinking that people in other generations might have been naughty.

Actually, any child at all might not be the legitimate offspring of both its legal parents. So, we can look at every single child in the family tree as potentially illegitimate, but it doesn't really seem nice to do so.

Actually, the bolded happened in my dad's family, too...Dad's next youngest brother was born 11 months after Dad. From what I was told, Grandma wasn't too thrilled to be expecting again so soon, but there he was!

In terms of why the gossip happened re: my younger sister, I think there were a couple of reasons. For one thing, those doing the gossiping were generally nasty and small-minded. For another, they tended to forget about the age difference between Mom and Dad, so they tended to assume Mom was older than she actually was.

MommyPenguin

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Re: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby
« Reply #69 on: March 26, 2014, 01:24:17 PM »
But really, what is the point? Yes, a child added to the family 15 years after the last one, when there is a daughter of childbearing age *might* be an illegitimate child. Or, it might be one of nature's little tricks on older parents. You can't tell without DNA, so what good does it do to speculate?

If you want to get gossipy, why not look at, say, a child born less than 12 months after another one? It could be another woman's, say a sister's child, brought in to save face. Or the father had an affair, and wants his child brought up with his family. It's all possible. And it's probably true a certain percentage of the time. But speculating on what's possible isn't particularly helpful, unless you get a thrill out of thinking that people in other generations might have been naughty.

Actually, any child at all might not be the legitimate offspring of both its legal parents. So, we can look at every single child in the family tree as potentially illegitimate, but it doesn't really seem nice to do so.

Actually, the bolded happened in my dad's family, too...Dad's next youngest brother was born 11 months after Dad. From what I was told, Grandma wasn't too thrilled to be expecting again so soon, but there he was!

In terms of why the gossip happened re: my younger sister, I think there were a couple of reasons. For one thing, those doing the gossiping were generally nasty and small-minded. For another, they tended to forget about the age difference between Mom and Dad, so they tended to assume Mom was older than she actually was.

Yeah, they're called "Irish twins" if they're less than 12 months apart.  It does happen.  The Trixie Belden books even have a sibling set like that... 11 months apart.

Yvaine

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Re: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby
« Reply #70 on: March 26, 2014, 01:26:40 PM »
Two of my siblings are "Irish twins." I remember my parents having to buy a special two-seat stroller after that. And then my brother always, always went in the back for balance, because he was a big strapping child and my sister was a delicate flower wafted from fairyland.  ;D

XRogue

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Re: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby
« Reply #71 on: March 26, 2014, 11:03:40 PM »
I have a friend who had a daughter, and twin boys 10 months later.  :o 

magicdomino

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Re: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby
« Reply #72 on: March 28, 2014, 02:53:00 PM »
I used to tease my mom because my parents were married in October and I was born in March. It wasn't until after my mom died that my father told me that I was born in March...THEN...my parents got married in October. I was very upset that this was kept from me.

After my mother passed away, my brother was going through her papers, and found out something similar about an older sibling.  Worse, he found the divorce degree between our mother and his father.  Brother's birthday is exactly nine months later.   :-\  Mother never hid that the marriage was on the rocks by the time Brother was born, but we thought they were only separated.

livluvlaf

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Re: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby
« Reply #73 on: April 01, 2014, 07:38:47 PM »
Re: spectulation about "late in life" children are actually adopted grandchildren

My grandmother's family had 1 girl and boys during the early part of their marriage, then a 14yr grace period, then 2 more boys and a finally grandma. My great Aunt was already married when the 2nd wave of children started to arrive.  Nobody had any explanation about the 14 yr gap there were no miscarriages or stillbirths that anyone can remember.

I agree with others who think the daughter should avoid outing her parents in their obituary.

Alias

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Re: Obit-Maintaining a fib Dear Abby
« Reply #74 on: April 08, 2014, 09:45:18 AM »
If you want to get gossipy, why not look at, say, a child born less than 12 months after another one? It could be another woman's, say a sister's child, brought in to save face. Or the father had an affair, and wants his child brought up with his family. It's all possible. And it's probably true a certain percentage of the time. But speculating on what's possible isn't particularly helpful, unless you get a thrill out of thinking that people in other generations might have been naughty.

A friend has two children about 8 months apart. The first was born, she accidentally got pregnant almost immediately (I think about 6 weeks after) and then the second was born premature.  At first glance it seems impossible, but it definitely happens!