Author Topic: I don't want that person in my house UPDATE Post #95, Pg 7  (Read 15293 times)

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sparksals

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Re: I don't want that person in my house
« Reply #15 on: December 05, 2013, 12:38:54 PM »
Just be honest with Jenny.  If she is a true friend, she will understand.


Hillia

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Re: I don't want that person in my house
« Reply #16 on: December 05, 2013, 12:46:50 PM »
Agree that you should just be honest - you don't have to go on a long catalog of Claire's misdeeds, but just saying, 'I'm sorry, but after the way she treated me and the other bridesmaids, I'm not willing to have her in my home.  How about if the two of us meet up another time for lunch/drinks/whatever?'

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SingMeAway

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Re: I don't want that person in my house
« Reply #17 on: December 05, 2013, 12:52:45 PM »
I agree with Hillia - You could just say "Given how Clair treated so many of us at your wedding, her presence would make people very uncomfortable at my party and I really want people to enjoy themselves.".

rose red

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Re: I don't want that person in my house
« Reply #18 on: December 05, 2013, 12:53:33 PM »
I want to agree with YummyMummy because I believe strongly in second chances, but not at a party in my own home. I wouldn't want the other bridesmaids to be uncomfortable, I wouldn't want Jenny to have to play referee, and I wouldn't want to be worrying all evening about whether Claire has figured out how to tone down her behavior at the party I'm hosting.

I have to agree.  It's one thing if the OP happened to run into Claire or if the sisters invite the OP to lunch and she sees Claire has changed.  But the party is not the time or place to risk giving that second chance. 

TootsNYC

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Re: I don't want that person in my house
« Reply #19 on: December 05, 2013, 12:54:08 PM »
If people think I am being unreasonable please let me know.

You are not being unreasonable.

As far as what to say, I don't know if it's better to say "I'm sorry, I've maxed out my guest list and can't accommodate any more guests," or "I'm sorry, but considering how much Claire dislikes me, I can't imagine this would be comfortable for anyone."

Love this turn of phrase!

Kari

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Re: I don't want that person in my house
« Reply #20 on: December 05, 2013, 01:21:58 PM »
I agree with Hillia - You could just say "Given how Clair treated so many of us at your wedding, her presence would make people very uncomfortable at my party and I really want people to enjoy themselves.".

This is my favorite response. It's honest, direct, and forces Jenny to consider how bringing Claire will affect others.

Only me

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Re: I don't want that person in my house
« Reply #21 on: December 05, 2013, 01:41:36 PM »
Hi P&P,

I am curious, how long ago was the wedding?

However my answer doesn't depend on that. I believe this is tough call either way. You could be honest up front or I do like the first suggestion of "I just maxed out the guest list" for now. Then deal with the "I don't like Claire conversation later".

Or even say "I maxed out the guest list" and then go to coffee or something later (with both) and see if Claire is still treating you like Dog crap. This way you could say that you tried. Only but only a suggestion.  If you say this Jenny may decide not to attend, just make sure you're ok with her saying no (even if you will dreadfully miss her).

I hope your party/getogether is fantastic.

Onlyme

White Lotus

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Re: I don't want that person in my house
« Reply #22 on: December 05, 2013, 02:04:04 PM »
Nope, you aren't unreasonable, PnP, and you don't have to ask her, either.
"Sorry, that won't be possible" was made for this situation, perhaps preceded by "the guest list is set" unless your even is one where extras and overruns are always welcome. 

JoyinVirginia

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Re: I don't want that person in my house
« Reply #23 on: December 05, 2013, 02:16:37 PM »
You also could just say I can't add anyone to the guest list at this point.
Or, I can't add your sister to the guest list.
Any variation is fine. You are very reasonable to not want someone who has lied about you to set foot in your home.

Petticoats

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Re: I don't want that person in my house
« Reply #24 on: December 05, 2013, 02:39:12 PM »
I find it weird that Jenny would even ask, given her knowledge of how badly Claire behaved. I wonder if she didn't want to be the one to tell Claire no and is looking to you to be bad cop.

By all means, give her a firm no. And you might even want to throw in a "why would I want to do that?"

lowspark

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Re: I don't want that person in my house
« Reply #25 on: December 05, 2013, 02:55:20 PM »
I agree to just be honest and say that Claire isn't welcome in your home, citing the liklihood she wouldn't want to come anyway seeing as how she made it clear she has no affinity for you.

I love hosting and having parties and having people in my home. I am happy to welcome relatives and friends of friends. I have a very "open" policy. However, there are certain people who are not welcome in my home for various reasons. Period. No exceptions. And I have no trouble saying so. And I have.

So as an example, a friend of mine brought a friend of hers to a party I gave (with advance approval of course) and the friend proceeded to behave in ways that just didn't work for me. She was generally rude and inappropriate. My friend wanted to invite her again to a subsequent party and I said sorry, but I didn't like how she behaved and wouldn't feel comfortable hosting her again.

No biggie. Friend accepted that. We're still good friends, years later. She understood. And believe me, what this woman did was no where near as agregious as what you described because her behavior wasn't personal, just inappropriate.

Just say no.

gmatoy

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Re: I don't want that person in my house
« Reply #26 on: December 05, 2013, 03:00:08 PM »
I really want to pile on with the PP who say to tell the truth, that her behavior was all kinds of wrong during the wedding and she isn't welcome. Part of the reason I say this is because I think there SHOULD be consequences to your behavior. This is hers: she doesn't get invited to the home of someone she treated badly.

cicero

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Re: I don't want that person in my house
« Reply #27 on: December 05, 2013, 04:04:24 PM »
I' m with the PPs who say to tell your friend the truth a and you are under no obligation to have this person in your home. Heck, etiquettely speaking, even under the best of circumstances you are not under any *obligation* to invite a guest of a guest. It's a nice thing to do if you can but you don't have to; and in a case where you were treated badly in the past, you're certainly under no obligation to include her

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Margo

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Re: I don't want that person in my house
« Reply #28 on: December 05, 2013, 04:14:07 PM »
I agree with Hillia - You could just say "Given how Clair treated so many of us at your wedding, her presence would make people very uncomfortable at my party and I really want people to enjoy themselves.".

This is my favorite response. It's honest, direct, and forces Jenny to consider how bringing Claire will affect others.
Mine too. I think that for the sake of your other guests, particularly the other bridesmaids who were the victims of Claire's behaviour, it would be appropriate to exclude her. If you are willing, for Jenny's sake, to give Claire a second chance then you could suggest meeting up with both of them, at a different time, and, if appropriate, venue. That way, you're not exposing your guests to potential unpleasant behaviour, but you do offer Jenny the chance to spend time with you and with her sister, together. (You don't have to, of course, but it could be an option if you want to give her a chance)

Twik

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Re: I don't want that person in my house
« Reply #29 on: December 05, 2013, 04:35:18 PM »
Hi P&P,

I am curious, how long ago was the wedding?

However my answer doesn't depend on that. I believe this is tough call either way.

Not really. Jenny is trying to invite someone to someone else's party. That's not cool.
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